E.K. NATION

For our first take on American Idol, let's bring in E.K. Nation Senior American Idol Correspondent "Smooth". What up, dawg.

Smooth: Well, hello again.

E.K. My comments are going to be a bit truncated because I don't have a whole lot of time.

Smooth: That's fine, 'cause I got tons to say. First up was Jackie Tohn. She kind of annoyed me during previous appearances on the show, and that trend continues. Jackie sees herself as an "entertainer", which means she is constantly shoving her manufactured "personality" down your throat. She was dressed like Olivia Newton-John in "Grease" for some reason, and decided to perform "A Little Less Conversation" by Elvis. It was pretty bad. The song doesn't fit her somewhat nasal and raspy voice, and she did gimmicky, goofy crap with her phrasing the entire time. She stalked around weirdly and made faces, demanding that you like her and instead coming across as desperate. She's mostly on key and has energy, faint praise until you see what's coming up with the other girls. The judges want to be excited since she's the first of the season, but they have a hard time coming up with any enthusiasm.

E.K.: I actually thought she had a good chance of going far in the competition, although I missed the show with her original audition. She's got nice hard-edged good looks, sort of Sheryl Crow-ish, and she sang well in Hollywood. But last night was a big ol' mess. She did make a lot of goofy faces and such, and it simply didn't work. It's tough being the first performer on the live shows, but at this point that shouldn't be any excuse.

Smooth: Next was Ricky Braddy, aka "who?", aka "red shirt". I think they showed him for about ten seconds during Hollywood week, and it kind of becomes obvious why as they interview him. He's a soft-spoken, normal-seeming guy; he doesn't have any specific "hook", and he certainly doesn't have the type of grating personality that often gets you airtime in the early stages. It's unfortunate, because he's actually an excellent singer. His performance wasn't that great; he seemed a little uncomfortable on stage. The judges like him more than Jackie, but Simon correctly told him he's a great singer but way too boring to go anywhere on the show. Because Ricky is Ricky, he didn't really know what to say. Ryan tried to talk to him...and not much response. Do something, Ricky! Curse on live TV! Breakdance! Yell "YAHTZEE!" Anything to make people remember you! It's really not going to happen for him, sadly.

E.K.: I thought he did rather well, if not excitingly. That's not an easy song to sing but it was pretty good. Unfortunately for him, many voters might remember that Elliott Yamin did that song even better a few years ago. It's true about his personality, namely that he really doesn't have one, and that's a big part of this whole thing, like it or not. And by the way, did I hear his mom try to plug the "Braddy Bunch" website? Ugh. I decided then and there to skip past the mom-and-dad interviews. Why would I need to hear what the parents of eight or nine people we'll never hear sing again have to say?

Smooth: Alexis Grace did an Aretha Franklin song. Alexis has undergone a transformation since her initial audition. The judges told her she was a little too bland, so she dyed her hair and started wearing funkier and/or more revealing clothes; it's sad in a way, but unlike Ricky, she has made herself stand out. Another thing that will help her is her suprisingly strong and soulful voice;it's nowhere near Aretha in terms of depth and power, of course, but she sang with true passion and seemed invested in the lyrics. She made some very angry faces, but overall seemed confident and comfortable performing. She was the best girl of the night.

E.K.: I'm fine with her "dirtying" up her image; I admit I probably wouldn't remember her if she hadn't. Her voice doesn't match her tiny body; it's got some power to it, and she sounded really good. I think she was the one Paula called a "dark horse" and I have to say I agree. And I hate agreeing with Paula.

Smooth: At this point in the show, I was thinking, "Wow, even though I didn't like Jackie, if this represents the talent level of all 36 semifinalists this is going to be quite a season". This notion was quickly put to bed. Then it was stabbed in its sleep, dragged out to the riverbank, and buried in a shallow grave.

E.K.: Tell us how you really feel.

Smooth: Even though he hails from Ohio, Brent Keith has realized he has a perfect name for country music and is fully embracing that, having also appeared on the second season of Nashville Star. He finished sixth on that show so I am not sure why the judges thought he'd do better here. Brent is a good-looking guy, but he's not particularly charismatic. He sings "Hicktown", a country song I've never heard of, and his voice is good but unremarkable. I was bored, which is always a terrible sign. You can't advance on this show just getting the country vote, and he won't do so.

E.K.: God, was I bored by this performance. I didn't realize he was on Nashville Star before. Did they say that last night? Anyway, I got two words for Brent Keith: Bucky Covington. There you go. I've heard people do better than this at the Sports Page on karaoke night.

Smooth: Stevie Wright, she of the huge perma-grin, is doing a Taylor Swift song. I think Taylor Swift is not a good singer, so I was thinking Stevie would be an improvement. Boy, was I wrong. The performance was patently awful. The first half of the song was way too low in her register and sounded like crap. Then it went into a more energetic section, in which she goes even more off-key and is out of breath the entire time. We heard Stevie sing "At Last" in the auditions and she can definitely do better than this, so I assume it was just nerves and/or doing a song outside of her comfort zone. She seems like a nice girl that just blew her chance, sadly.

E.K.: It was excruciating from the moment she started singing. I have to say I agree with everything you're saying about Stevie, except for the fact that you think she blew her chance. I don't think she ever had one to begin with once she made the top 36. I actually heard about half the song and had to fast-forward through the rest. It was just too painful. I guess she really can chalk it up to being 17 and overwhelmed by her situation.

Smooth: Anoop "Dogg" Desai is singing "Angel of Mine" by Monica. Seems like late-90's R&B is his thing, which... not sure how you'd market him with that. Anoop is goofy and likable in his interviews. It was a very static performance, and my lovely wife says he is "not cute enough" to get by on just a solid vocal. He needs to show his personality in his performance. I like him, but I'm not sure that will make enough people pick up the phone and vote.

E.K.: I thought he was great in his auditions all the way through Hollywood, but this one was just boring. He's definitely better than that. Not saying he didn't sing well; he did, it was just forgettable. He was one of many singers last night who just simply chose the wrong song. And our next performer is another example. Now let me say this about Casey Carlson: She was the first singer who stood out for me during the auditions as someone who could win. She is very attractive, seems quite marketable for the pop crowd, and can sing. However, choosing to do "Every Little Thing He Does is Magic" was was insanely misguided. First off, I hate it when they have to change the lyrics to match the gender of the singer. It's distracting; I always wonder if they're going to mess up and inadvertently starting singing about a homosexual relationship. Also, interspersed with those few moments when her voice had a really nice tone to it, she messed it up by, well, singing badly and doing that whole "making-faces-and-dancing-weirdly-while-a-quick-musical-break-is-going-on thing. Lastly, she's not even the best-looking girl in this group of singers. I'll tell you who is in a minute.

Smooth: She looks REALLY skinny and was wearing an unflattering dress and bouffant hairstyle. Simon later said she should "not have been allowed" to do this song, and I have to agree. A very well-known song, originally performed by a unique singer, that doesn't even have a lot of range to it. What's the upside? Anyway, she was horrendous. Her voice was weak, nasal, and sometimes flat, she has weird phrasing, and again, even if she's capable of more, this song doesn't allow her to show it off. With her goofy moves and faces she made Jackie look stone-faced by comparison. It was truly nonstop mugging. Topping off the whole package, she dances very, very badly. All things considered, it's one of the worst AI performances in recent memory. I have heard much better at every karaoke bar I have ever been to.

Next, oilman Michael Sarver is going to drink America's milkshake.

E.K. My mind went to the "milkshake bringing all the boys to the yard" song before it went to Daniel Day-Lewis. Yikes, I didn't need that.

Smooth: Sorry. He sang the massive AI cliche "I Don't Want to Be" by Gavin DeGraw. Again, I don't like the song choice because it didn't show off his voice at all, which we have previously seen to be quite good; and more suited to R&B, really. Maybe he is trying to go with more of a pop-rock image? The vocal was OK, if disappointing, but the performance is lacking; he doesn't know what to do with himself, and Paula points out his weird mic antics. I think there's a decent chance he gets through since he is likable, well-known by viewers, and didn't tank completely like a number of the other contestants, but he's going to have to do better than this in the future.

E.K. I think he's going to get a lot of votes just for being one of those clean-cut, hard-working American people, of which there are so few, as we all know. He sang it well, but I think it is indeed time to retire that song from the AI catalog.

Smooth: Ann Marie Boskovich brings us "Natural Woman", the second Aretha song of the night.

E.K.: I wish they would refer to it as a Carole King song, because that's what it is, really. I know Aretha made it famous, but I doin't care. Props to Carole King.

Smooth: Excuse me, is my talking interfering with your interrupting?

E.K.: Actually, no. If you weren't talking, I couldn't interrupt.

Smooth: Ann Marie has the opposite problem of some of the other contestants: She picked a song that can display a singer's range, but her problem is she can't pull it off. It wasn't awful, but her runs were weird, and she went flat a few times. Nothing about her is memorable, except that when the judges say she should have done something newer, she responds with "so something less... good?" I had to chuckle at that. Another pretty brunette who will soon be sent packing.

E.K.: She is the cutest girl from last night's show, and I'm pretty sure she'll be gone after tonight too. Unless the wild-card thing grabs her, anyway. She did well in spots, but I look back to all of the cute girls who sang just like anybody else who does well at a karaoke bar, and that group just keeps getting bigger and bigger. She lacks the true star quality that you need.

Smooth: Stephen Fowler performed "Rock With You" with a truly awful accompaniment. The keyboards were bad, the backup singers went from bad to worse, and it's not helpful. The ever-gentle Simon turns to the band and basically says "you suck tonight". Stephen wasn't great either. Since they kept him during Hollywood week even after he completely forgot his lyrics and walked off stage, I guess I assumed that meant he must have a fantastic voice, and he's just OK. When he went for a high note a couple of times, it got pretty rough. He tried to throw a few runs in where they don't belong, and I think he did screw up the words a little bit at one point. The judges once again hate the song choice, since it's an iconic song from an iconic artist. Simon calls it "corny", which sums it up nicely.

E.K.: I don't think doing a Michael Jackson song as your first live song was wise at all. And as I suspected, it was not good at all; I agree with you. I figured, like you did, that there was something we were missing in his voice since they kept him after his meltdown, but I didn't see it at all last night.

Smooth: And now, the infamous Tatiana Del Toro. She really grosses me out, because there's something wrong there; she ain't quite right in the head. She is melodramatic yet surprisingly serious in her package about not being as crazy as the show has made her seem. She then came out in a really ugly dress that makes her look pregnant and sings "Saving All My Love for You". It was throaty and her performance was mildly ridiculous, especially at the very end, but she sounds pretty darn good. It sounded a little loud/forced and she missed a few notes near the end, but she has good control and actually didn't try to do too many runs. Amazingly enough, I think she had the second-best female vocal of the night. After she sang, the judges tried to get a rise out of her, but she still didn't act like a crazy person despite Paula, Kara, and Simon literally demanding it. Do your laugh! Dance, monkey, dance! I hated her before tonight, but I actually started to feel bad for her since the judges were being fairly relentless. Maybe that was her plan all along! Or maybe she just has multiple personality disorder. I'm betting on the latter.

E.K.: I guess I fall into the category of people who think, you know, if she just shut up and wasn't such a fruitbat sometimes, she could be really likable. And I was surprised by how much I liked her performance last night. Not to say I was blown away or anything, but I really wasn't expecting anything memorable at all except for a mental blowup. I thought it was pretty good, really. A few missed notes here and there but overall it was fairly strong, and I'd agree she was second-best among the girls. She really needs to abandon the whole "Please, America, my dream is in your hands now, you have the power to keep it going" nonsense, if only because a) no one who can win needs to do that (see Gethers, Brenna) and b) it's annoying. I wasn't too disappointed in the dress, and I thought she looked pretty nice. She strikes me as the kind of girl you might have as a girlfriend 'cause she's pretty but you would never take her out in public. And now, on to my early pick to win, Danny Gokey.

Smooth: Danny has to be an early favorite to win this thing based on what we've seen. Although it's mildly concerning that he decided to do something as stressful as AI not long after his wife passed away young, he is going to get votes like crazy. He is likable, has a very good voice, and has already gotten a ton of airtime. He did a nice rendition of "Hero" which is the type of song the judges (and audience) tend to lap up. There was a little bit of weird phrasing here and there ("answerrrrrrrrr"), but his voice was strong, he was on key, and his voice has character. His performance is what he needs to work on, as he is pretty much limited to the Ruben Studdard "reach your hand out towards the audience" special. Paula is insane ("two words with a hyphen: sold-out arenas!"), Simon was a realist as always. Danny talks about people "rising above" tough times which... could get old and a little weird if that's what they keep going back to all season. Still, he was head and shoulders above the rest of the field tonight and he's going to be a formidable competitor.

E.K.: I did notice the Ruben move, and that's always bugged me. But Danny's got a smooth, soulful voice, and he hasn't missed a note yet. I know the whole dead-wife thing won't keep him from getting sympathy votes, but he really doesn't need them, and I hope as you do that they don't dwell on it too much. He just knows what he's doing out there and kicks it every time.

Smooth: Predictions: Danny is a mortal lock. Ooh, bad choice of words. Among the girls it's tougher but I think Alexis will make it. Third will probably go to Sarver, with Tatiana and maybe Anoop the only others with a shot. Overall, I hope the semifinals get better from here but I'm rather concerned they won't.

E.K.: I think your top three is about as right as it can get. Danny, Alexis and Michael. We shall find out. And I think Anoop and maybe Tatiana have a shot at the wild card spots.