E.K. NATION

Our review of A.I. is a little late this week, seeing as how we've already witnessed who went through to the top 12. But sometimes the world just doesn't work out the way we want it to. So, I've decided to end the blog right here. Good night everyone! No, wait. Let's not do that. Dumb thing to do. Skip that. Let's go to work and bring in E.K. Nation's Senior American Idol Correspondent "Smooth", who shall get the ball rolling tout de suite.

Smooth: We meet again. Jasmine Murray is a very pretty girl, and she looked good on Wednesday night. Hers was a good song choice ("Love Song") in terms of current relevance, considering the judges specifically mentioned this song last week. Her voice was OK; she didn't seem to have a big range or a lot of power, but the song doesn't require it. It was a little nasal in places, and the second half of the song kind of went off the rails slightly, but she pulled off the end pretty well. The performance was pretty good in terms of her comfort level on stage. The judges were nonplussed because they like her overall package, but as Simon bluntly puts it she "hasn't got a great voice".

E.K.: I thought she was really good in her audition and during Hollywood Week, and had high hopes for her in this round, but she was surprisingly pitchy to start off. It got a little bit better as the song progressed but not by much and certainly not enough to convince me that she belongs in the Top 12 now. I wasn't so sure that was the best song choice; if I were her, I'd be shorter and much prettier, but besides that, I'd have gone with maybe an R&B song. "Love Song" just seemed too poppy for her.

Smooth: Matt Giraud gave us another very contemporary song choice ("Viva La Vida"), although it's a bit overplayed. Based on what we've seen of Matt so far (not a lot, granted), this song does seem to be an odd choice for his style, though. His singing was not very good. WAY too much vibrato, and he seemed almost totally out of breath (nerves?) the entire time. He did a run towards the end that was just painful to listen to. He threw in a lot of embellishment, and it's not working at all. The judges are again confused by his song choice (I would hope so, since there's no way he should have made it this far with performances like that).

E.K.: He did well when he had the piano in Hollywood; he's got some of that white soul. And I don't know if they are prevented from using instruments during this round, but I think he would have benefitted from having it as sort of a crutch. I know what you're saying about the vibrato; it was like he was driving over train tracks. Then he kind of lost it and didn't have enough time to get it back. How much time do they get? Two minutes? Which means that less than a quarter of a 2-hour singing competition is devoted to actual singing. The song choice was bad; Randy's comment to Matt was interestingly counter-intuitive but probably dead-on: Don't do easy stuff and cruise through. Do tough songs, because you can handle them. Wednesday he wasn't spectacular, but I thought he'd made enough of an impression to make him a front-runner for a spot in the Top 12. As we know now, he didn't, and must wait to see if he gets a wild card chance. So that's one guess I got wrong.

Smooth: Next was Jeanine Vailes, who strikes me as one of those contestants that is there for exposure more than anything else, like, I think she really wants to be a model or actress but AI seemed like a good way to get on TV. "This Love" is a song that automatically sounds karaoke to me, and Jeanine turned in a bad karaoke performance. Weak voice, poor phrasing, and she was off-key a lot. I think she believes she can really sing, but she's just not that great. She was wearing what are essentially daisy dukes, which is the only positive I can come up with regarding this performance. Jeanine complained about not being on TV enough up until now. Guess what, lady, the best singers usually get through even if they haven't been shown at all. If you can put on a fantastic performance, you'll get votes. What you just did was the opposite of fantastic.

E.K.: I'm not going to spend much time commenting on someone so unmemorable and boring who has no chance of getting a wild card spot. I wasn't even enthralled by the legs. And anyway, you pretty much nailed it. Instead, I'm going to talk about the Eliza Dushku commercial that I was fast-forwarding through, but then I noticed it was Eliza Dushku, so I rewound and watched it. During this ad, she utters the phrase, "It will simmer your head meat to a bubbling brainy fondue." Wow. I don't know if I will ever look at Eliza Dushku the same way again.

Smooth: Nick Mitchell's "act" as "Norman Gentle" is funny for about 20 seconds. Then it becomes tiresome. And finally it becomes maddening, because you're watching a guy do an unfunny "comedy" routine while many people who could actually sing were cut in Hollywood. Why is he here? What purpose does his presence serve? He's obviously not going to win, and American Idol doesn't need stupid gimmicks like this. I can't comment on the vocal, because it's ridiculous and interrupted by his rolling around on the floor, screeching, and talking to the audience. Some of the judges still claim that he has a "good voice" when he wants to. When, exactly, has he displayed this? Very little of what I have heard from him is anything better than mediocre, and most of it is terrible.

E.K.: What can I say about this guy? I was entertained by the performance of his alter ego, "Norman Gentle", but I must stress it's only because he's succeeding at exactly what he set out to do: Make a mockery of American Idol. Never for one second was this guy ever serious, and I can not believe that not all of the judges knew this. He's done his thing and he's gotten his time, and for accomplishing his mission I am proud of the guy. Say what you want, but he was never boring. He was memorable. And he should never be allowed to set foot on the AI stage again. I was dreading that the show would become "Nick and Norman's Infinite Playlist."

Which brings us to our first real knockout performance of the night, courtesy of Allison Iraheta. During the pre-song interview she was visibly nervous; she could barely say a coherent word. Then she got on stage and blew "Alone" by Heart clear out of the sky. That's not easy, because at least in my opinion Ann Wilson is the greatest female rock vocalist ever. She showed tremendous stage presence and poise, not to mention the powerful vocals. And she looked pretty cute and the dress was nice, etc., etc. At this point I knew she was going to win "most votes by a female" and get a spot in the Top 12.

Smooth: She came off as annoyingly ditzy backstage, but she's 16 so I'll give her a little slack. She's got red hair of the type that looks completely unnatural and weird, which means you know she loves attention. "Alone" is becoming a bit overdone on AI, but it's still a great vehicle for a female to show off big rock vocals. And that's what Allison has, surprisingly. She has a natural rock edge in her voice and it worked well here. She did have a few issues; her voice cracked a bit and she missed a few higher notes when she really goes for them. But compared to most of the female contestants this year, she's excellent. The performance was decent, she really gets into it, although she made a lot of weird hand movements. She was easily the best of the night to this point, and the judges agreed.

E.K.: Whoever's been telling contestants to stay away from Michael Jackson songs clearly did not meet up with Kris Allen, who went with "Man In The Mirror." There was nothing special about this performance at all, and there are too many bland pop stars who look and sound just like him. He's a good singer, but I thought he'd have to stand out much more than this in order to make it through. Apparently the voters did not agree with me; they put him into the Top 12. I'm not sure if he'll last too long, but we shall see.

Smooth: Great, another nice-guy WASP that has had no screen time to date. They always last a long time on this show. His voice is actually decent, but there is really nothing memorable about him or his voice. I thought that way too many contestants of his ilk have been bounced in the first round for him to have much hope of advancing, but there he is, now in the Top 12, ladies and gentlemen.

As for the next singer, Megan Joy Corkrey, she's kind of hard to get a read on. She has a largely tattoo-covered right arm and seems vaguely hippie-ish, yet she comes out in a floaty white dress with poofy flowers on it. I think she's got a pretty face, but her hair and makeup didn't do her any favors. Her vocal on "Put Your Records On" was pretty quirky, with some weird phrasing and a bizarre pronunciation of the word "down" for no apparent reason. Her voice has a bit of a nice jazzy quality to it, but it's not that strong, and in the second half of the performance in particular she really started running out of gas. My main issue with her is the weird "dancing" she does. It's pretty much bad white-girl dancing, and her go-to move is a brief, abbreviated Chubby Checker Twist involving her arms and hips. She'll twist twice quickly, then suddenly freeze. It's really weird and rather distracting after a while. Plus, they showed her doing it in the balcony later so it's not just nerves... she just dances like that. If she didn't dance I think I would have liked it more.

E.K.: I'm not sure if you saw the same performance I did...umm...well, okay, I guess you did, because what you described is pretty much exactly what happened, except...

I love Megan Joy Corkrey.

She can be summed up in just one word: "My god, this girl is delightful." She is insanely attractive and has a very distinctive voice, and I thought she pulled off "Put Your Records On" with ease, because basically, the song, as she said in the interview, makes her happy, and it completely showed. Yes, she dances a bit awkwardly but it's so, so cute. That twist-quick-and-then-freeze thing? Adorable. And I know that as a heterosexual male I'm not really supposed to use that word, but that's what she is...completely adorable. Let's call that move the "Megan Joy Corkscrew." It's one of the things that made her stand out; she is unique, and that's what we want. Also, she's insanely cute. Did I mention that? We also want that. I know what you're saying about her enunciation of the word "down", and I liked it. Now, my guess was that she wasn't going to get one of the top three spots for the night, and that wound up being true, but I do think that based on what the judges said about her they'll bring her back for the wild card show. And would it surprise you to learn that I really want that to happen?

Smooth: It would not.

E.K.: She's pretty much this year's--

Smooth: Oh, don't say it.

E.K.: --Brooke White.

Smooth: Okay, okay, simmer down now.

E.K.: Brooke White!

Smooth: Stop it.

E.K.: Hey, Brooke even came back to perform last night. Didja see? Her song is okay, I suppose; I wasn't amazingly enchanted by it, and I'll probably be waiting outside Best Buy in the freezing cold the morning her CD comes out.

Smooth: No, you will not.

E.K.: You're right. I won't. Brooke White!

Smooth: Anyone have a croquet mallet?

E.K.: Megan Corkrey!!!

Smooth: You are close to death. Let's move on, for smash sakes. At first, when Matt Breitzke came out, I was thinking, cool, I haven't heard "If You Could Only See" in like ten years!, but I guess there's probably a reason for that. I still like the song, but it's a poor choice for AI. Matt seems like a nice guy, but he is not very charismatic on-stage. They've shown him to have a good voice, and this song doesn't let him show off his main asset. The vocal was fine, but it's not a song with range to it and his voice is not very hard-edged, so it just sounded like a good karaoke version. He didn't look comfortable on stage and mostly just did a kind of slo-mo Matrix bullet time thing with his hands. It's too bad; I think he was capable of better, but in the end he doesn't have star quality anyway.

E.K.: He's another one of those blue-collar American specials that the producers love to trump up for whatever reason. He proved himself to be a very low-rent Emerson Hart. He missed notes here and there and definitely did not improve upon the song. I was surprised by the song choice and by his inability to work it out, dawg. The fact that he's a downhome nice guy who welds for a living can't save him now. The Top 12 already has a guy like that, and Matt has no chance at a wild card.

Smooth: I just read on Wikipedia that Jesse Langseth is blues guitarist Jonny Lang's sister. Who knew? Anyway, Jesse gave a squinty, winky, "sexy" performance. It was really not bad at all. Her voice is pleasant, although at times I almost wonder if she was just doing a Kim Carnes impression. She constantly tilted her head to the right and backwards, another tic that distracted me after a while. Jesse awesomely calls Randy out on his usual vague criticism. He claims he wants more than a "five note range", which... I don't think this song has THAT narrow of a range, so I assume he just means "more glory notes!!!" Kara agrees for some reason. Really, I think the problem was that the performance was just OK and the vocal was good, but not good enough to grab your attention. I wouldn't mind seeing Jesse do a different song, which is more than I can say for many of the female contestants this year.

E.K.: She's a good singer but some of her words were unintelligible. I'm not sure what to make of her. She's definitely hot and sexy, and I suppose that more than anything will be what I remember from this one. I'm not as fond of "Bette Davis Eyes" as others are; it's just a weird song choice. Fifty years of Billboard hits and that's what she brought to the table? But for all that it was, I thought it was much better than most of the performances, and it would not surprise me to see her on the wild card show. I still don't know how many spots they're going to fill or how that's going to work. I think right now I'm going to look it up...and I just read varying accounts so I don't know who's right. Whether they are bringing back the 4th place vote getter for each round and then judges' choices, or whether it's all judges' choices, I don't know. Boy, I just surrounded that explanation, didn't I?

Smooth: Most songs that are played on oldies stations are generally not going to go over well on Idol. Kai Kalama, with his wacky hair and very shiny shirt, looks memorable and sounds good, but the song choice let him down. He actually turned in a pretty good performance, it's just a boring song in this format. Simon called him a "very good backup singer", which is about right given that performance. I think he's another one that's capable of better.

E.K.: I fast-forwarded after about 30 seconds. Sorry, Kai, but it took you about that long to bore me. Plus, you remind me of Rick Fox and that isn't good. So I'm going to move to the next singer, and I will say this about that: If you want Katharine McPhee and all you can get is Mishavonna Henson, wait! She sang well, I suppose, but she was hindered by a poor arrangement. Memo to the producers: Let them sing longer! Let them get into a groove or something. This 90-second or two-minute spot does not help. I'm afraid she wasn't memorable enough, but I do think she can sing so if she gets a spot in the wild card round I'll have no problem with it, unless putting her there would take away a spot for Megan Joy, in which case I will burn down the Kodak Theatre before they ever get a chance to do any shows there this year.

Smooth: Are you saying you like Megan Corkrey?

E.K.: If she is not given a wild card chance I will go completely WarGames.

Smooth: Simmer donna. Well, getting back to Mishavonna, ahem, "Drops of Jupiter" is another slightly odd song choice. A lot of these adult contemporary songs just don't fit with the younger contestants. Mishavonna sounded pretty good until the latter half of the song when she started trying to do too much. Overall it was actually a solid vocal, but again I don't feel like the song really showcased her talent. Plus, I have bad associations with Ace Young singing it. She showed a little personality in the post-mortem with Ryan, but I just don't think she did enough to differentiate herself from the pack.

Finally we had Adam Lambert, and...Oy. This was definitely a love-it-or-hate-it performance, as pointed out by Simon. First off, it was a very bad arrangement. It started off super slow, then sped up almost immediately, reminding me of something out of Grease. The beginning was pretty rough, but not long into it, Adam launched into a whole lot of glam-rock screeching. Like seriously, he could have been the frontman for Nitro in that "Freight Train" video. I can tell you I already don't like Adam from what I've seen. The ridiculous black dyed hair, guyliner, clothes, chains, fingerless leather glove on one hand.... ugh. It just seems disingenuous, like he's wearing a costume. With his Broadwayesque voice and mannerisms, he basically reminds me of a combination of Clay Aiken and Constantine Maroulis. However, I can't deny the fact that he does have ridiculous range and control on his voice. He doesn't have to go into falsetto even to hit very high notes, in a Steve Perry way. On this song, though, he just sounded too shrieky; not sure if that was intentional to fit a rock song or not. If he can dial that down somewhat and maintain good tone throughout his range I will be a lot more impressed. I sure hope he does, actually, because he was easily the most memorable contestant of the night and will probably be around for quite a while on the show.

E.K.: I'm already predisposed to not liking Adam because of the whole look, which, as it does for you, screams out to me, "I'm not genuine at all!" Strike one. He has a musical background, and by musical I don't mean high school musical, I'm talking "Phantom", Broadway, "Rent" musical. Which is fine, if you like that genre. I do not. So there's two strikes against him for me. Third strike was the incessant screaming. I couldn't take it. He might be a nice guy, and as you said he can hit some really big notes and does have ridiculous control, but I just can't listen to it. I'd like to see him tone it down a bit. This could get really annoying after a few weeks. I knew he'd get one of the three Top 12 spots this week. Which made me 2-for-3.

Smooth: I felt Adam and Allison would get two spots, but the third spot was very tough to call this week. I thought there were actually four or five people who have a shot at it. Compared to last week, there weren't as many train wrecks that you could automatically throw out. I went with Megan to move on.

E.K.: I'm so proud of you...Wait, you picked her and I didn't? You wouldn't think that, would you?

Smooth: I suppose it was because she sort of reminds me of Kristy Lee Cook, who always got more votes than I thought she would.

E.K.: Until next week, this........was........American Idol.

After further review, Viola Davis' feet were out of bounds. The result of the play is that Penelope Cruz wins Best Supporting Actress.

For our first take on American Idol, let's bring in E.K. Nation Senior American Idol Correspondent "Smooth". What up, dawg.

Smooth: Well, hello again.

E.K. My comments are going to be a bit truncated because I don't have a whole lot of time.

Smooth: That's fine, 'cause I got tons to say. First up was Jackie Tohn. She kind of annoyed me during previous appearances on the show, and that trend continues. Jackie sees herself as an "entertainer", which means she is constantly shoving her manufactured "personality" down your throat. She was dressed like Olivia Newton-John in "Grease" for some reason, and decided to perform "A Little Less Conversation" by Elvis. It was pretty bad. The song doesn't fit her somewhat nasal and raspy voice, and she did gimmicky, goofy crap with her phrasing the entire time. She stalked around weirdly and made faces, demanding that you like her and instead coming across as desperate. She's mostly on key and has energy, faint praise until you see what's coming up with the other girls. The judges want to be excited since she's the first of the season, but they have a hard time coming up with any enthusiasm.

E.K.: I actually thought she had a good chance of going far in the competition, although I missed the show with her original audition. She's got nice hard-edged good looks, sort of Sheryl Crow-ish, and she sang well in Hollywood. But last night was a big ol' mess. She did make a lot of goofy faces and such, and it simply didn't work. It's tough being the first performer on the live shows, but at this point that shouldn't be any excuse.

Smooth: Next was Ricky Braddy, aka "who?", aka "red shirt". I think they showed him for about ten seconds during Hollywood week, and it kind of becomes obvious why as they interview him. He's a soft-spoken, normal-seeming guy; he doesn't have any specific "hook", and he certainly doesn't have the type of grating personality that often gets you airtime in the early stages. It's unfortunate, because he's actually an excellent singer. His performance wasn't that great; he seemed a little uncomfortable on stage. The judges like him more than Jackie, but Simon correctly told him he's a great singer but way too boring to go anywhere on the show. Because Ricky is Ricky, he didn't really know what to say. Ryan tried to talk to him...and not much response. Do something, Ricky! Curse on live TV! Breakdance! Yell "YAHTZEE!" Anything to make people remember you! It's really not going to happen for him, sadly.

E.K.: I thought he did rather well, if not excitingly. That's not an easy song to sing but it was pretty good. Unfortunately for him, many voters might remember that Elliott Yamin did that song even better a few years ago. It's true about his personality, namely that he really doesn't have one, and that's a big part of this whole thing, like it or not. And by the way, did I hear his mom try to plug the "Braddy Bunch" website? Ugh. I decided then and there to skip past the mom-and-dad interviews. Why would I need to hear what the parents of eight or nine people we'll never hear sing again have to say?

Smooth: Alexis Grace did an Aretha Franklin song. Alexis has undergone a transformation since her initial audition. The judges told her she was a little too bland, so she dyed her hair and started wearing funkier and/or more revealing clothes; it's sad in a way, but unlike Ricky, she has made herself stand out. Another thing that will help her is her suprisingly strong and soulful voice;it's nowhere near Aretha in terms of depth and power, of course, but she sang with true passion and seemed invested in the lyrics. She made some very angry faces, but overall seemed confident and comfortable performing. She was the best girl of the night.

E.K.: I'm fine with her "dirtying" up her image; I admit I probably wouldn't remember her if she hadn't. Her voice doesn't match her tiny body; it's got some power to it, and she sounded really good. I think she was the one Paula called a "dark horse" and I have to say I agree. And I hate agreeing with Paula.

Smooth: At this point in the show, I was thinking, "Wow, even though I didn't like Jackie, if this represents the talent level of all 36 semifinalists this is going to be quite a season". This notion was quickly put to bed. Then it was stabbed in its sleep, dragged out to the riverbank, and buried in a shallow grave.

E.K.: Tell us how you really feel.

Smooth: Even though he hails from Ohio, Brent Keith has realized he has a perfect name for country music and is fully embracing that, having also appeared on the second season of Nashville Star. He finished sixth on that show so I am not sure why the judges thought he'd do better here. Brent is a good-looking guy, but he's not particularly charismatic. He sings "Hicktown", a country song I've never heard of, and his voice is good but unremarkable. I was bored, which is always a terrible sign. You can't advance on this show just getting the country vote, and he won't do so.

E.K.: God, was I bored by this performance. I didn't realize he was on Nashville Star before. Did they say that last night? Anyway, I got two words for Brent Keith: Bucky Covington. There you go. I've heard people do better than this at the Sports Page on karaoke night.

Smooth: Stevie Wright, she of the huge perma-grin, is doing a Taylor Swift song. I think Taylor Swift is not a good singer, so I was thinking Stevie would be an improvement. Boy, was I wrong. The performance was patently awful. The first half of the song was way too low in her register and sounded like crap. Then it went into a more energetic section, in which she goes even more off-key and is out of breath the entire time. We heard Stevie sing "At Last" in the auditions and she can definitely do better than this, so I assume it was just nerves and/or doing a song outside of her comfort zone. She seems like a nice girl that just blew her chance, sadly.

E.K.: It was excruciating from the moment she started singing. I have to say I agree with everything you're saying about Stevie, except for the fact that you think she blew her chance. I don't think she ever had one to begin with once she made the top 36. I actually heard about half the song and had to fast-forward through the rest. It was just too painful. I guess she really can chalk it up to being 17 and overwhelmed by her situation.

Smooth: Anoop "Dogg" Desai is singing "Angel of Mine" by Monica. Seems like late-90's R&B is his thing, which... not sure how you'd market him with that. Anoop is goofy and likable in his interviews. It was a very static performance, and my lovely wife says he is "not cute enough" to get by on just a solid vocal. He needs to show his personality in his performance. I like him, but I'm not sure that will make enough people pick up the phone and vote.

E.K.: I thought he was great in his auditions all the way through Hollywood, but this one was just boring. He's definitely better than that. Not saying he didn't sing well; he did, it was just forgettable. He was one of many singers last night who just simply chose the wrong song. And our next performer is another example. Now let me say this about Casey Carlson: She was the first singer who stood out for me during the auditions as someone who could win. She is very attractive, seems quite marketable for the pop crowd, and can sing. However, choosing to do "Every Little Thing He Does is Magic" was was insanely misguided. First off, I hate it when they have to change the lyrics to match the gender of the singer. It's distracting; I always wonder if they're going to mess up and inadvertently starting singing about a homosexual relationship. Also, interspersed with those few moments when her voice had a really nice tone to it, she messed it up by, well, singing badly and doing that whole "making-faces-and-dancing-weirdly-while-a-quick-musical-break-is-going-on thing. Lastly, she's not even the best-looking girl in this group of singers. I'll tell you who is in a minute.

Smooth: She looks REALLY skinny and was wearing an unflattering dress and bouffant hairstyle. Simon later said she should "not have been allowed" to do this song, and I have to agree. A very well-known song, originally performed by a unique singer, that doesn't even have a lot of range to it. What's the upside? Anyway, she was horrendous. Her voice was weak, nasal, and sometimes flat, she has weird phrasing, and again, even if she's capable of more, this song doesn't allow her to show it off. With her goofy moves and faces she made Jackie look stone-faced by comparison. It was truly nonstop mugging. Topping off the whole package, she dances very, very badly. All things considered, it's one of the worst AI performances in recent memory. I have heard much better at every karaoke bar I have ever been to.

Next, oilman Michael Sarver is going to drink America's milkshake.

E.K. My mind went to the "milkshake bringing all the boys to the yard" song before it went to Daniel Day-Lewis. Yikes, I didn't need that.

Smooth: Sorry. He sang the massive AI cliche "I Don't Want to Be" by Gavin DeGraw. Again, I don't like the song choice because it didn't show off his voice at all, which we have previously seen to be quite good; and more suited to R&B, really. Maybe he is trying to go with more of a pop-rock image? The vocal was OK, if disappointing, but the performance is lacking; he doesn't know what to do with himself, and Paula points out his weird mic antics. I think there's a decent chance he gets through since he is likable, well-known by viewers, and didn't tank completely like a number of the other contestants, but he's going to have to do better than this in the future.

E.K. I think he's going to get a lot of votes just for being one of those clean-cut, hard-working American people, of which there are so few, as we all know. He sang it well, but I think it is indeed time to retire that song from the AI catalog.

Smooth: Ann Marie Boskovich brings us "Natural Woman", the second Aretha song of the night.

E.K.: I wish they would refer to it as a Carole King song, because that's what it is, really. I know Aretha made it famous, but I doin't care. Props to Carole King.

Smooth: Excuse me, is my talking interfering with your interrupting?

E.K.: Actually, no. If you weren't talking, I couldn't interrupt.

Smooth: Ann Marie has the opposite problem of some of the other contestants: She picked a song that can display a singer's range, but her problem is she can't pull it off. It wasn't awful, but her runs were weird, and she went flat a few times. Nothing about her is memorable, except that when the judges say she should have done something newer, she responds with "so something less... good?" I had to chuckle at that. Another pretty brunette who will soon be sent packing.

E.K.: She is the cutest girl from last night's show, and I'm pretty sure she'll be gone after tonight too. Unless the wild-card thing grabs her, anyway. She did well in spots, but I look back to all of the cute girls who sang just like anybody else who does well at a karaoke bar, and that group just keeps getting bigger and bigger. She lacks the true star quality that you need.

Smooth: Stephen Fowler performed "Rock With You" with a truly awful accompaniment. The keyboards were bad, the backup singers went from bad to worse, and it's not helpful. The ever-gentle Simon turns to the band and basically says "you suck tonight". Stephen wasn't great either. Since they kept him during Hollywood week even after he completely forgot his lyrics and walked off stage, I guess I assumed that meant he must have a fantastic voice, and he's just OK. When he went for a high note a couple of times, it got pretty rough. He tried to throw a few runs in where they don't belong, and I think he did screw up the words a little bit at one point. The judges once again hate the song choice, since it's an iconic song from an iconic artist. Simon calls it "corny", which sums it up nicely.

E.K.: I don't think doing a Michael Jackson song as your first live song was wise at all. And as I suspected, it was not good at all; I agree with you. I figured, like you did, that there was something we were missing in his voice since they kept him after his meltdown, but I didn't see it at all last night.

Smooth: And now, the infamous Tatiana Del Toro. She really grosses me out, because there's something wrong there; she ain't quite right in the head. She is melodramatic yet surprisingly serious in her package about not being as crazy as the show has made her seem. She then came out in a really ugly dress that makes her look pregnant and sings "Saving All My Love for You". It was throaty and her performance was mildly ridiculous, especially at the very end, but she sounds pretty darn good. It sounded a little loud/forced and she missed a few notes near the end, but she has good control and actually didn't try to do too many runs. Amazingly enough, I think she had the second-best female vocal of the night. After she sang, the judges tried to get a rise out of her, but she still didn't act like a crazy person despite Paula, Kara, and Simon literally demanding it. Do your laugh! Dance, monkey, dance! I hated her before tonight, but I actually started to feel bad for her since the judges were being fairly relentless. Maybe that was her plan all along! Or maybe she just has multiple personality disorder. I'm betting on the latter.

E.K.: I guess I fall into the category of people who think, you know, if she just shut up and wasn't such a fruitbat sometimes, she could be really likable. And I was surprised by how much I liked her performance last night. Not to say I was blown away or anything, but I really wasn't expecting anything memorable at all except for a mental blowup. I thought it was pretty good, really. A few missed notes here and there but overall it was fairly strong, and I'd agree she was second-best among the girls. She really needs to abandon the whole "Please, America, my dream is in your hands now, you have the power to keep it going" nonsense, if only because a) no one who can win needs to do that (see Gethers, Brenna) and b) it's annoying. I wasn't too disappointed in the dress, and I thought she looked pretty nice. She strikes me as the kind of girl you might have as a girlfriend 'cause she's pretty but you would never take her out in public. And now, on to my early pick to win, Danny Gokey.

Smooth: Danny has to be an early favorite to win this thing based on what we've seen. Although it's mildly concerning that he decided to do something as stressful as AI not long after his wife passed away young, he is going to get votes like crazy. He is likable, has a very good voice, and has already gotten a ton of airtime. He did a nice rendition of "Hero" which is the type of song the judges (and audience) tend to lap up. There was a little bit of weird phrasing here and there ("answerrrrrrrrr"), but his voice was strong, he was on key, and his voice has character. His performance is what he needs to work on, as he is pretty much limited to the Ruben Studdard "reach your hand out towards the audience" special. Paula is insane ("two words with a hyphen: sold-out arenas!"), Simon was a realist as always. Danny talks about people "rising above" tough times which... could get old and a little weird if that's what they keep going back to all season. Still, he was head and shoulders above the rest of the field tonight and he's going to be a formidable competitor.

E.K.: I did notice the Ruben move, and that's always bugged me. But Danny's got a smooth, soulful voice, and he hasn't missed a note yet. I know the whole dead-wife thing won't keep him from getting sympathy votes, but he really doesn't need them, and I hope as you do that they don't dwell on it too much. He just knows what he's doing out there and kicks it every time.

Smooth: Predictions: Danny is a mortal lock. Ooh, bad choice of words. Among the girls it's tougher but I think Alexis will make it. Third will probably go to Sarver, with Tatiana and maybe Anoop the only others with a shot. Overall, I hope the semifinals get better from here but I'm rather concerned they won't.

E.K.: I think your top three is about as right as it can get. Danny, Alexis and Michael. We shall find out. And I think Anoop and maybe Tatiana have a shot at the wild card spots.

This is a very worrisome year for me.

The Best Picture Oscar will go to a film that is not good. The last time the Academy got the Best Picture correct was 1993, when it rightfully awarded the Oscar to Schindler's List. Since then, it has continually misfired. I know it's tough to judge something as unquantifiable as films and acting and whatnot, but you'd think that 15 years would not pass between giving the top honors to the film that truly deserved it. Or even a film that deserved it.

Last year's Best Picture winner -- and I think the Oscars are losing enough relevance that not too many people will remember -- was No Country For Old Men, admittedly a great film, I thought. But the truly best film of last year, the Irish indie/musical Once, wasn't even nominated. The year before that, The Departed won, yet I felt United 93 was even better, and I suspect that of those who have seen Pan's Labyrinth -- I am not one of them yet -- many were probably wondering how that one didn't win. And so on, and so forth.

Now here we are in the year of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Slumdog Millionaire, which garnered 13 and 10 nominations respectively. Button is not a good film, but it still deserves some awards. Millionaire is a bad film and deserves nothing. Grouped with them are Milk, which I have seen and is a very good film, and The Reader and Frost/Nixon, neither of which I have seen and I suspect I will probably miss out on them prior to Sunday's ceremony.

Slumdog Millionaire is a rags-to-riches story, in its storytelling and I suppose in its production; it's an Indian film that seems an unlikely choice as any film ever to have picked up a Best Picture nomination. Many people like it, and I'm happy for them. I, for one, thought it sucked. The characters are boring, save for the game show host, who is entertainingly creepy, and possibly the girl, the fate of whom really is interesting only when she has disappeared from the story. I can sort of deal with the story's going back-and-forth between the life story of the kids and the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? portion, at least as a way of telling the story, but it just seemed a bit cheesy. And the main character's last question is wrapped up a bit too neatly, not in the subject matter but in the way the question was phrased. I suppose you'd have to have seen the film to know what I am talking about, but trust me, it rang completely false. And the inexplicable dance sequence over the closing credits. Ridiculous.

Since Benjamin Button is sort of getting some backlash, what with its copycatted Forrest Gump-ish plotline -- the same guy wrote both screenplays -- it seems like that one won't win. And the other three just don't have the feel about them. So for Best Picture I hereby regretfully declare that Slumdog Millionaire is your winner. And Danny Boyle is almost certainly going to win Best Director, since he won the DIrector's Guild award, and usually when that happens, the same person wins the Oscar.

Let's get the cinches out of the way: Kate Winslet will probably win Best Actress for The Reader, if only because this is already her sixth nomination and she hasn't won yet, and people seemed to like her also in Revolutionary Road (which I have not seen). This is not to say that any of the other nominees don't deserve it; Meryl Streep was amazing, as usual, in Doubt, the little-known Melissa Leo gave a star turn in the indie film Frozen River, and Anne Hathaway was getting high praise for Rachel Getting Married. (I must admit I know nothing about Angelina Jolie's performance in Changeling. I haven't seen it and haven't read any reviews.)

And of course Heath Ledger will win Best Supporting Actor for The Dark Knight. He didn't even need to die to get sympathy votes to win this one; this award was his from the start, hands down. Which brings up the question, who gets the statuette? Well, according to the Academy by-laws, if I remember, in the event of a posthumous award, the actual trophy goes to any husband or wife, and then the firstborn child or something like that. Since Michelle Williams never married Ledger, they're saying the couple's child will take possession from a trust once she turns 18. Anyway, isn't that interesting?

The two categories I am mixed on are Best Actor and Best Supporting Actress. I've seen Milk and I know how great Sean Penn was in that film. Milk is an actor's showcase -- there are many great performances, if you want to call them that; they seemed so natural and good that it seemed like they were not even performing at all -- and in all that talent, Penn still manages to be the star. Point for Penn. But there's also Mickey Rourke, who, I hear, gives an amazing "comeback" performance that Academy members would love to see recognized at the ceremony Sunday. His winning would definitely make a great story. Rourke may very well deserve it, but so does Penn. A mitigating factor here is that Penn won the award a few years ago for Mystic River, and that fact might push the edge to Rourke. Then again he still seems kinda creepy, but no matter; anyway, the guess here is for Rourke by a nose, but if Penn wins it would not surprise me at all. (By the way, I must mention Richard Jenkins, who was fantastic in his understated role in The Visitor. He too would deserve to win if his name is called.

(By the way, it's my understanding that save for one brief scene, due to some fine CGI effects, the real Brad Pitt does not appear at all in almost the entire first hour of Benjamin Button. But his performance is so lifeless when he's actually on screen anyway that if he does win it will be not only an upset but also a shame.)

As for Supporting Actress, I'm kind of leaning towards Viola Davis, whose two scenes in Doubt proved to change the direction of the story and whose performance is one of those that leap out at you in their honesty. To wit, in an emotional conversation with Meryl Streep's Catholic school principal, Davis' nose is running for about five minutes. Penelope Cruz's turn in Vicky Christina Barcelona, one of Woody Allen's better films in years, also serves to turn the tide of the story, and it too is very emotional. One thing about Woody Allen films: They win Oscars for its cast members. I can think of at least five right away (Diane Keaton for Annie Hall, and supporting awards for Michael Caine, Mira Sorvino and Dianne Wiest, who actually won two for Allen films). Amy Adams was great in Doubt, but there's no way she outshone Streep. It's really close here; anyone can win. My guess is Viola Davis.

In other awards, I think the original screenplay award should probably go to Courtney Hunt for Frozen River, but somehow I think WALL*E will sneak in there. By the way, am I the only one who saw WALL*E that did not think it was as good as everyone thought? I suppose by the grammar in that sentence, the answer would be yes. I will say that Button should win for Makeup and Visual Effects, and that Dark Knight will probably win Cinematography. Beyond that, your guess is as good as mine.