E.K. NATION

What is it that goes on inside a football player's head that would make him decide to drop the ball on purpose one yard before scoring a touchdown?

The hilarious part about DeSean Jackson's gaffe on Monday night in Dallas is that he realized how stupid he'd been about a second-and-a-half after dropping the ball. Did you see him turn for just a brief second as if to say, "Holy crap...I let go of the ball before I got into the end zone"? And then one more second later, he realizes he can't admit his mistake right then and there, so he stops panicking and starts dancing as if it were a no-brainer tuchdown all along.

Now, I have DeSean Jackson on my fantasy team. That idiotic move cost me six points, that is, until the next play when Brian Westbrook, another player on my team, punched it in from the spot where Jackson left it. So I was spared the horror of maybe finishing out of the money by less than a TD. But I know there were countless people leaping out of their Barcaloungers and spilling their adult beverages while screaming epithets at Jackson, all in a fit of what I'm sure should be called Fantasy Football Fury, a condition that arises when a football player one ordinarily wouldn't give two whits about does something stupid (such as Jackson's bonehead move), clumsy (dropping an easy TD catch), or, strangely, intelligent (Westbrook's wide-open kneeldown just shy of the end zone last year against Dallas so that Philadelphia could keep the ball and run out the clock instead of scoring and kicking the ball off back to the Cowboys).

And yes, I had Westbrook last year too. Two prominent plays especially noteworthy due to their effect on fantasy leagues everywhere, and I have had on my team everyone involved (Jackson once and Westbrook twice). I didn't lose out on any money either time, but even though it could be devastating to my sanity, it still makes it more fun to watch football.

The Romeo Crennel Dumb Move Of The Week: I think I'm going to watch Cleveland Browns games as much as possible with a new interest: finding a time when Romeo Crennel proves yet again that he has absolutely no balls whatsoever. Week 1's debacle was followed up by this travesty: With 3:24 left in the game against Pittsburgh on Sunday night, Crennel orders his kicking unit onto the field to try for a field goal. Sure, why not? You're down 10-3, which means you are trailing by a touchdown. Going for the field goal would be, strategically, the wise thing to do, because once you make it, you'll be...trailing by a touchdown. I swear, Art Modell probably rolled over in his grave. Unless he's not dead. Anyway, what a stoneless thing to do. You haven't scored a TD all night. Your offense is listless. You couldn't score if you got your prom date hammered. And you pull this crap. A field goal? Grow a pair, Romeo!

Shanahan Wasn't All That Gutsy: I think the reason Mike Shanahan went for two was that he felt insanely guilty about Ed Hochuli's horrendous call that kept Denver alive and wanted to give the Chargers a chance to preserve the victory they should have rightfully owned in the first place. And what's with all these pundits saying that San Diego still had a chance to stop the Broncos on not only the play the resulted in the touchdown but also the two-point conversion, but they didn't, so they should stop complaining? They shouldn't have had to stop them again. They should have been given the ball and gotten to take a knee and run out the clock, period, end of story.

SUNDAY MORNING: (team listed first is the pick, home team in caps)

ATLANTA (-6) over Kansas City
Oakland (+9) over BUFFALO (The Raiders will win this one straight up. Don't ask. Just take it to Vegas. Silver and Black on the money line, baby.)
TENNESSEE (-4.5) over Houston
N.Y. GIANTS (-13.5) over Cincinnati
WASHINGTON (-3) over Arizona
NEW ENGLAND (-13) over Miami
Tampa Bay (+3) over CHICAGO
Carolina (-3.5) over MINNESOTA

SUNDAY AFTERNOON:

St. Louis (+10) over SEATTLE
SAN FRANCISCO (-4.5) over Detroit
DENVER (-6) over New Orleans
PHILADELPHIA (-3.5) over Pittsburgh
BALTIMORE (-3) over Cleveland
INDIANAPOLIS (-5) over Jacksonville

SUNDAY NIGHT:

GREEN BAY (+3) over Dallas

MONDAY NIGHT:

N.Y. Jets (+8.5) over SAN DIEGO

E.K. Nation's Next Pitcher To Throw A No-Hitter: What with Carlos Zambrano holding the Astros hitless last Monday, it's time to anoint a new EKNNPTTANH. It had been Tim Lincecum, but since he failed so miserably, as all EKNNPTTANHs before him have done, he must be replaced. Let's turn to the man who will make the last start for the Yankees at Yankee Stadium, Andy Pettitte. If magic things truly happen in the Bronx, what a way to close out the stadium's run that would be.

First things first: I am sick and freaking tired of coaches making stupid decisions. Here's a quiz:

Trailing the Cowboys 21-7 and facing a 4th-and-2 from the Dallas 43, Cleveland coach Romeo Crennel decided to:

A. Go for it, seeing as how the Browns were behind by two touchdowns and had a very short distance to get the first down. And why not? They were already in Dallas territory.
B. Punt.
C. Admit to your players and your fans that you couldn't give a rat's ass about winning a football game, by completely wussing out.

Sane people would choose option (A). Crennel opted for options (B) and (C) and Cleveland came nowhere close to winning the game. 'Cause that's what happens when you punt stupidly.

Also, in the fourth quarter, down 28-7, he ordered the field goal unit to try for three points, and the Browns fans rightly booed the decision, even after the kick was made. Aaaaargh! It's unreal! Good work, Romeo, and good luck hanging onto your job.

My picks last week were quite subpar. I went 7-9. I rarely had a losing week last year. But Week 1 is typically tough to call. You really don't know how teams are going to be until you see them at least once. And my dog ate my homework. And there was traffic. And I had been temporarily blinded when a bat spit in my face, even though that might never actually happen.

SUNDAY MORNING: (team listed first is the pick, home team in caps)

KANSAS CITY (-3.5) over Oakland
Tennessee (+1) over CINCINNATI
Indianapolis (-2) over MINNESOTA
New Orleans (-1) over WASHINGTON
DETROIT (+3) over Green Bay
CAROLINA (-3) over Chicago
St. Louis (+9) over N.Y. Giants
JACKSONVILLE (-5) over Buffalo

SUNDAY AFTERNOON:

ARIZONA (-7) over Miami
New England (+1) over N.Y. JETS
Atlanta (+7) over TAMPA BAY
San Diego (+1) over DENVER
SEATTLE (-7) over San Francisco

SUNDAY NIGHT:

CLEVELAND (+6) over Pittsburgh

MONDAY NIGHT:

Philadelphia (+7) over DALLAS

We're already 1-0 on the year, getting the Giants in the victory over the Redskins. Here come the rest of the picks:

SUNDAY MORNING: (team listed first is the pick, home team in caps)

Cincinnati (-2.5) over BALTIMORE. Not sure Joe Flacco is ready yet. But I will say this: Chad Johnson is a tool and I will not refer to him by his new stupid-ass name.
N.Y. Jets (-3) over MIAMI. The Dolphins still suck, the Jets know how Chad Pennington plays and should handle him, and Brett Favre's a Jet now. Do you see Miami winning?
NEW ENGLAND (-16) over Kansas City. Even though they didn't win last year's championship, they're still the same Patriots, and I don't see the Chiefs hanging in this one for much longer than, say, six minutes.
Houston (+6.5) over PITTSBURGH. The Texans might not win, but I think they can handle the Steelers and make it a close game. I'll guess 28-24, Steelers.
Jacksonville (-3) over TENNESSEE. David Garrard can navigate this Titans defense.
ATLANTA (+3) over Detroit. Because every week has an upset or two, or eight.
Seattle (+1) over BUFFALO. People seem to be forgetting about Seattle in the NFC mix. They're still strong, especially in a weak division. Even though it's only by one, I don't think the Bills should be favored in this one.
NEW ORLEANS (-3.5) over Tampa Bay. There's potential for that high-powered offense to come alive again in New Orleans. Saints should score big. Maybe 42-24.
St. Louis (+8) over PHILADELPHIA. This should be a low-scoring game with lots of running on Philly's side. That should be enough to keep the Rams close, if not victorious. How about 24-17, Eagles?

SUNDAY AFTERNOON:

Dallas (-6) over CLEVELAND. It might seem like a big point spread if you think the Browns are going to be even better than they were last year, but all it takes is one extra touchdown by the Cowboys to cover. They'll get two extra. 31-17, Dallas.
SAN DIEGO (-9) over Carolina. Quick fantasy note: I did indeed take Brian Westbrook with the second pick in our draft, with LaDainian Tomlinson available. There's just something about that weird disappearance he made in the AFC title game last January. Having said that, the Chargers are still an elite team in the AFC and should handle the Panthers easily.
Arizona (-3) over SAN FRANCISCO. Because...it's the 49ers!!!

SUNDAY NIGHT:

INDIANAPOLIS (-10) over Chicago. This one doesn't even come close to seeming like a trap spread. The Colts are great, and the Bears suck. Chicago can't possibly cover.

MONDAY NIGHT:

GREEN BAY (-2) over Minnesota. The Vikings are good, and they should win the NFC North, but something tells me the Pack will recover from losing Brett Favre and Aaron Rodgers will be adequate enough to carry them for one opening night.
OAKLAND (+3) over Denver. Why do I see this one going into overtime? Just a hunch. You can see how much effort I put into these picks, eh?

As I wrap this up, I see that Cal is beating Washington State 59-3 in the fourth quarter right now. I sure hope this is an indicator of how good the Golden Bears are rather than how bad the Cougars are. And I must say that while I dislike Husky alumni as a whole, UW got screwed on that last penalty, and I'll back them up on this one. That was in no way unsportsmanlike conduct. It was simply players celebrating a crucial last-second touchdown. Washington should not have had to attempt the extra point from 15 yards farther than normal. The extra-point try became, in essence, a 40-yard try, and the "gimme" nature of the PAT was taken away. That might have had an effect on the play. When it's no longer a chip shot, the angle of the kick becomes lower, and thus easier to block, which it was, and BYU was handed a 28-27 gift victory unfairly in my book.

Gotta get this one in on time. Giants win big over the 'Skins tonight. Take the Giants, give the points. The rest of the picks will come later.