E.K. NATION

Let the celebration begin! It's live show time! And with that, I'd like to introduce the first ever guest writer on this blog, E.K. Nation Senior American Idol Correspondent "Smooth".

Smooth: Hello.

E.K.: And with that, you are now in second place in the category Most Words Written Directly For The E.K. Nation Blog. Congratulations, and welcome!

Smooth: Charmed.

E.K.: Let's talk about the first contestant to sing live on Season 7, David Hernandez, shall we?

Smooth: I loved this guy's audition in Hollywood. During his interview, though, I see why he did not get more screen time. He barely smiles; in fact, he often looks morose. He is very lacking in the personality department, and he just doesn't look happy to be there. This is unfortunate, because he does have an excellent voice. Good tone, good control. The song choice didn't allow him to really show off, though. He also blatantly missed a note towards the end which never helps. I really hope he can start to show more charisma because he might have the best voice among the guys.

E.K.: I agree that his vocals are good but that he has no stage presence whatsoever, at least on Tuesday night. Maybe it was the task of being the first to sing live that got to him, I don't know. He just kind of awkwardly stood there, as if someone had nailed his shoes to the floor. Up next was Chikezie Eze. Errr, excuse me: The Artist Formerly Known As Chikezie Eze. I guess he's now just "Chikezie." What's up with this single-name stuff? Any ideas? Trenyce? Mandisa? Smooth?

Smooth: "Eze" would have put him in a tie with Robb Nen for the shortest and most palindromic last name ever, but that's all been thrown away now. Anyway, the song started off a bit low for him. He's got pretty good tone and looks comfortable on stage. The outfit is rather Vegas-loungesque, though, and in some ways so is his performance. Not bad but I think he can do better. Also, he reminds me of a less crazy-eyed Forest Whitaker. And Simon called him "Jacuzzi". Nice.

E.K.: I thought Simon just called him "Chikuzie." Maybe he was indeed going for "Jacuzzi." Either way, I'm sure Kellie Pickler was all confused about what was going on. Anyway, yeah, Chikezie started slow with "More Today Than Yesterday" but then picked it up and in the end I thought it was quite good. I thought he was much stronger in his audition, though. Then there was David Cook...

Smooth: I didn't like this guy too much in the previous rounds and I'm still not liking him much. His whole persona seems a bit too calculated, like he has a predetermined role he devised for himself. His voice isn't bad, but it sounds like he is straining to put an edge into it that just wouldn't be there naturally. And then he's carrying the mic stand for a while...dude, we get it, you're rocktackular or whatever, but you're singing "Happy Together". Not sure anyone in the audience is going to start throwing devil horns at you.

E.K. Yeah, it kind of looks like he's hoping the lead singer of Fall Out Boy is going to quit so he can step in. He has some serious hair issues. But who am I, Jose Eber? I think he should have stayed with making "Happy Together" a ballad. It started out well, but when the pace picked up I didn't think he was keeping up with it. But he hit the last note well, and I guess he did all right. Up next was Jason Yeager, who we did not see much of during the previous rounds. Wait, wait...is that "Moon River" on the jukebox?

Smooth: Worst song choice ever. Decent voice, but just...no. Little to no airtime prior to last night meant he needed to do something great. Any song that can be sung sitting on a stool was the wrong song. This had no appeal to Idol's prime demographic. He seems like a nice guy and all, but I can barely remember what he looks like five minutes after watching a YouTube replay of his performance, and in the early rounds that's what dooms you. It didn't help that he had a cheesy smile plastered on his face for a large portion of the song. Also, did he mention his dead grandma to the judges? I'm invoking the Johnny Fairplay Shenanigans Clause.

E.K.: I don't think I objected to this performance as much as you did. I thought he did well. Nice tone, good control, although I agree about the cheesy grin, especially since I've always thought that, despite the lyrics, "Moon River" was a song for a sad mood. But I will add that there's not a single song that could have been performed on this night that would appeal to A.I.'s prime demographic. It's songs from the Sixties, for the love of Timothy Leary. I don't think any song that's 40 years old is relevant to Generation Text. I can't really blame Jason for his song choice. It's a trave-sham-mockery that on the first night of live performances the contestants have to do songs that aren't really relevant to the pop industry. Which, when you think about it, is kind of sad to have to say. But anyway, up next was Robbie Carrico.

Smooth: David Cook suddenly seems a lot more tolerable. Robbie is the poseur to end all poseurs. He is an elected official from Poseurville's 5th district. I know it was a while ago, but he was in a "boy-girl" group and after that ended he decided he "wanted to do rock". He really said that. The whole thing is kind of sickening. I guess if you're Robbie and you've already been through the pop scene where they package you up and sell you like a focus-group designed product (seriously, the "band" he was in, Boyz N Girlz United, consisted of two wholesome-looking white kids, a black guy, and a Hispanic girl), he might truly believe that all he has to do is grow out his hair, throw on a bandana and a wallet chain, and voila! He's pretty much Scott Weiland! It might make me even angrier that Paula keeps calling him "authentic". Anyway, if you ignore all the other crap it was a good vocal. He might have even less edge to his voice than Cook, though, and this was noticeable in the Hollywood clips they showed where he sang Fuel. Also, the background singers were overpowering him...they need to turn those mics down a bit. After he sang, Simon questioned his rock roots and he literally showed off his outfit and said "this is me". Even past Idol faux-rockers have never been that blatant about the whole thing. He seems like a nice guy and all, but I am just going to have a hard time seeing past this front.

E.K.: You done yet? Sheesh.

Smooth: I am.

E.K.: Okay. Here's my problem with Robbie: I'm thinking most people will be comparing him to Bo Bice. The long hair, the beard, the rock, etc. And that, more than anything, will be his ultimate end. You've got him coming on as Constantine Maroulis 2.0, and I don't think it's that bad.

Smooth: It is.

E.K.: No, it isn't. I don't think he's that close to that faux-rocker thing at all, at least from what I have seen. I'm fine with Paula calling him "authentic" because at least she's not talking about a moth finding a melon ball, or whatever the hell drunken mess she sometimes gurgles. And let me add something that is in no way related: At this point in the show it occurred to me that the singers were given just 90 seconds to do their thing. Ninety seconds! It's a two-hour show, and all they get is 90 seconds? When you add it up, you find that the producers are willing to show us just 18 minutes' worth of singing. In a two-hour show! One hour and 42 minutes of fluff pieces, Paula, and commercials, and only 18 minutes of actual singing. Not even a measly one-sixth of the show is devoted to performances. Something has to be done. Okay, let's get on with it: Here comes David Archuleta.

Smooth: Our third David of the night will certainly be the one that lasts longest in the competition. He's got the backstory with his past vocal problems, he's the youngest male competitor, and he's got a big "gee-whiz, I'm just happy to be here" factor going for him. He's very likable and wholesome, and he's got a very nice voice (although I think his range is pretty limited). He really hesitated on the last big note, but then he did hit it. His main problem is his lack of performance experience, which was put on display last night by his choice of a very high-energy song. He wasn't a statue or anything, but I think the type of performance that's needed to do justice to "Shop Around" is slightly more than he's capable of delivering at this point.

E.K.: Sheer likeability should keep David around for a long time. There were some problems with this performance, though, primarily early on. He couldn't do much with the lower notes, and he couldn't really kick it into gear until Ricky Minor and the band did. Once that happened, though, he was able to bring it around and finish strong. I am concerned, though, since he can be genuinely good, that he might keep doing the "Aww, shucks, you like me?" thing Melinda Doolittle did last year. I think that once he brings a bit more confidence, he'll deserve a high finish in this competition. I did like Ryan Seacrest's line, "You can only vote for him, you actually can't adopt him." Awwwwwww. Now let's move on to Danny Noriega.

Smooth: Really unfortunate song choice on this one. He sounded fine, but Elvis songs like this never go well. Danny has shown he's got some range, so why pick a song that has about five different notes? His performance was pretty good although he seemed to be looking down a lot for some reason and he has a tendency to make really goofy facial expressions. Also, some of the comments he makes to seem "sassy" go a little over the top, bordering on "Men on Film" territory. I think he can do a lot better than this assuming he moves on. I did love Simon calling Paula on her totally incoherent ramblings about color. Simon was pissed off.

E.K.: I'm going to go ahead and call bullshit on this whole performance, and not because it was ridiculous in and of itself. "Jailhouse Rock" came out in 1957. It's not a Sixties song at all! So Danny's cheating, and I think we ought to have a Congressional hearing on this matter. Congress isn't doing anything important right now, is it? Anyway, "Jailhouse Rock" was a horrendous choice, not only because nobody's going to match Elvis, but also because it's a song to be sung by someone who looks like he could actually be in jail. Since "over the top sassiness" is not a crime, Danny isn't going to come close to fitting that persona. The performance was atrocious. I will give Danny props, though, for being the first contestant of the night to not do that "here's the phone number, and I'm going to hold up the corresponding amount of fingers to accentuate that number" thing. But then he did mouth the word "seven", and even that had way too much sassiness to it. So the props immediately get taken away.

Smooth: On to Luke Menard. Amazingly, "Everybody's Talkin'" may have been an even worse song choice than "Moon River". Most of what I said above in re: Jason Yeager applies here, and I actually like Luke's voice a little bit less than Jason's. It's not bad, but the tone is a little high and tinny for me. Boring = out.

E.K.: Who's Luke Menard?

Smooth: He's one of the top 12 guys on American Idol.

E.K.: Nope, doesn't help me. I suppose we should move on to Colton Berry, who is on the hook right off the bat for being the guy Randy and Paula chose over Kyle Ensley, who would have been far more entertaining, if not vocally excellent, than this moptopped poseur goofball. Stop me before I get angry, Smooth.

Smooth: Well, he's got a great attitude and is very enthusiastic. I thought he was likable. He started out oversinging the song (another Elvis song, by the way, but a better choice than Danny's) but settled into it later. He's got a nice tone to his voice. Also, his performance didn't match the content of the song. Not great, but I was entertained enough that I'd like to see him make the next round.

E.K.: You're way too kind. This kid has no appeal to him whatsoever. I have gotten hammered on gin-and-tonics and sung "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" at a karaoke bar (Ahhhh...The Alibi!), in the style of Elvis no less, and come off more charismatic and talented than this hack. If he hadn't taken Kyle's spot I'd be less pissed off, but he did, so I'm quite pissed off. I loved Simon's line, "If people spent more time worrying about their voices rather than their hair..." This kid sucks, and I don't mean to be so tough on him, but...actually, yeah, I do. I want him off the damn show. Next.

Smooth: Garrett Haley freaks me out a little bit. He really looks like the teenage ghost of Jani Lane, and his dead eyes aren't helping. He also seemed to have a random accent during his interview. The vocal was pretty weak. He has a nasally, high pitched voice that makes him sound whiny. Also, when he tried to throw in ornamentation to the melody, it seemed to drive him off-key. He still wasn't bad, but in a pretty solid group I'd put him near the bottom in terms of vocal talent.

E.K.: Is Jani Lane dead? (Quick Wikipedia search...no, he's still alive. But here's something: Jani Lane was born a little more than three months after the assassination of JFK, and his birth name is John Kennedy Oswald. Nice.) Okay, so as for Garrett, he definitely has a Leif Garrett thing going on, and for 17, he's actually not all that bad. He had a few pitch problems, though, and I just don't see him making it into the Top 12. The girl voters might think he's cute but I would rather not talk about that. Let's move on to Jason Castro.

Smooth: This guy's got a lot going for him. The dreadlocks and the guitar made him immediately memorable on a night of many forgettable performances. Not sure why exactly he's got dreads but they're working to his advantage given his lack of screen time. I am amazed he claims to have only sung in public a few times before trying out for Idol, because he seems right at home behind the mic. I wouldn't say his vocal was the best of the night; he seems to do almost country music-style jumps into his falsetto at times, and he's not too polished, but it was good, and the song choice was excellent. He actually seems more comfortable on stage than off, but I think he'll do well.

E.K.: As far as my memory serves, he's the first contestant to accompany himself on an instrument during a live show (at least during a performance to be voted on by the audience), and I liked it a lot. I'm not sure what effect using an instrument will have on the voting, but I like the fact that they're letting singers do that this year. I too was amazed that he hadn't sung more than just a few times live. I'm not sure he even believes he's on the show, especially at this stage in the competition; he's quite humble and unassuming and just seems to be taking the A.I. experience in stride. I hope he goes far; I'd like to hear more from him. Finally, we have Michael Johns.

Smooth: I would like to point out immediately that the scarf was ridiculous. Okay. This wasn't bad, but I think he can do a lot better. Pretty good song choice, but the problem with it is that it almost calls for you to scream instead of sing at times and he didn't really go for it to the extent you'd have to in order to make it work. I think that kind of left him in a no-man's land at times and he really was pitchy, falling off some notes here and there. I also noticed for the first time that he has excessive vibrato which always annoys me. Still, I think he's charismatic and he stands out in this crowd.

E.K.: Anyone who can make me like a Doors song is fantastic in my book. I really like this guy's sound and he justified my belief that he was the strongest guy singer in this competition. I'm not sure if it is his Australian accent that gives his vocal stylings a unique sound, but it's there anyway. I'm not too worried about the scarf; it's winter, after all (although in Australia it's summer). I stand by my prediction that Michael will be the last guy standing in this season. Then again, anything can happen.

Smooth: This was definitely one of the Best! Top! 12! Guys! Ever! in terms of overall vocal quality. However, and I think Simon's bad mood can partly be attributed to this, there was a lack of ZAZZ! There were numerous serviceable performances but most of them were flawed in some way.

E.K.: Overall, I'm pretty happy with the quality of the Top 12 Guys. There are a few stragglers who can be taken care of with a couple weeks of voting. Once it gets to the final 12 overall, I think it's going to be a strong finish to the season.

Smooth would vote out: Luke Menard and Garrett Haley
E.K. would vote out: Colton Berry and Luke Menard

Smooth's predicted casualties: Luke Menard and Jason Yeager
E.K.'s predicted casualties: Colton Berry and Luke Menard

Smooth: It was a pleasure chatting with you.

E.K.: We should talk about girls next.