Friday, February 1, 2008
A.I.: MIAMI
They decided to start the Miami audition episode with the Miami Vice theme song and then they showed the auditioning hopefuls singing along to "Rhythm Is Gonna Get You" by Miami Sound Machine. God, the producers are brilliant. How did they come up with that?
The featured auditions began with a girl named Shannon McHough, who works at her parents' meat market. And she also belches, loudly and often. And her singing didn't sound much better. And I could almost hear thousands of televisions being switched to the season premiere of Lost. Simon tried to end the audition by saying, "I urge you, urge you, urge you not to do this," upon which she started singing again. Never do that, kids. The only thing you will succeed at is pissing Simon off. She walked out and said, "I think I'm done with American Idol." But yeah, the judges kind of decided that for you, dear.
Robbie Carrico, a former boy-bander, came next, singing some Lynryd Skynyrd's "Simple Man", and he was quite good. After he got his three yes votes from the judges his friends Silly-Stringed him. What, was a Gatorade bucket not nearby? Also, it makes one wonder, how awkward would it have been to carry all that Silly String around if he hadn't made it?
We were treated to some short clips of very bad auditions. Then came Venezuelan guitar player Ghaleb Emachah, who unleashed upon the judges some Enrique-Iglesias-type stuff, about which Simon said he would enjoy it if he were drunk. But Randy liked it, and an apparently-generous-racist Paula agreed to put him through even though she didn't like his accent. What a sweetheart! Ghaleb then proceeded to kiss everyone in sight.
Up next were two very large black girls, one of whom said Ryahn Seacrest was the love of her life, to which Paula responded, "You're kidding!" Ah, the lovefest continues. Corliss brought some jazz stylings and Brittany did some Motown, and the judges put them through to Hollywood. The girls kissed and hugged the judges, and then Simon told them to use "both doors" on their way out. He's so kind.
Then came "single mommy" Suzanne Toon, who as such is tired of struggling and wants to find a way to succeed. Well, the first thing I would suggest is: Don't have a baby when you're 18. That's number one. Sheesh. Number two, have a good singing voice. And she kind of did, at least enough to please all three judges. I'm guessing, though, that she won't get that big break she desires. She wasn't good enough.
Next up was a very cute Asian girl named Ramiele Malubay, who looks up to Season 3's third-place finisher and Phillipinean Jasmine Trias, although I guess if you are as short as Ramiele is, you look up to just about everyone. (Ba-dum-bum.) When she said she was going to sing some Aretha Franklin, it came across as a very tall order -- no pun intended, seriously -- but for the most part she did quite well. Simon disagreed, but no matter; she was on her way to Hollywood. Syesha Mercado was next, and she has a dad who struggled with drugs, and who cares about that. She pretty much yelled Aretha Franklin's "Think". I hated it. This particular audition was way too shrill -- if she tones it down I'm sure she could be much more pleasing to my various ear parts -- but the three judges were unanimous in their appreciation for it, so off she goes to Hollywood to prove me wrong.
Natashia Blach, a 29-year-old from Colorado -- I thought 28 was the cutoff age, but never mind -- did some "At Last", and she had a very sultry voice that in its quietude was much more pleasing than Syesha's shrieking. Not to mention Natashia's very nice smile. After this we were told by Seacrest that "the girls were on a roll"; but we heard only Ilsy Lorena Pinot make it through before the commercial break. After that we saw guys Ben Hausbach, Carroy Bethea, and Grant Rhea do absolutely nothing to convince anyone that they could sell a single CD. And the wondrously-named Fabienne Hyppolite was less than wondrous as she sang something totally off-key with a finger in one of her ears, appropriately. Then Richard Valles sang through his nose and didn't make it through, and that was over with quickly, fortunately.
Apparently there was once a show called American Juniors, which I guess was an American Idol for younger kids, and Julie Dubela, 16 now but 12 when she was on that other show, came in to try out for the "adult" version of A.J. She strutted into the audition room, full of sexiness and confidence, seeming much more than just four years removed from the kids' show stuff as she strutted and diva-ed her way through a well-rehearsed performance of "Me And Bobby McGee". When Simon asked her if she'd ever been called "precocious", she said "Umm, what does that mean?" After she was given her no votes, she immediately launched into another song, which, oddly, sounded much better, because she was now reduced to focusing on her voice instead of walking around and doing various gestures with her hands, but it was too late. Julie, Julie, Julie. This isn't Zoom. You gotta know what you're getting into and audition accordingly.
Brandon Black closed the show by being a complete jackass. I have no words. They did indeed save the weirdest for last. Here's the clip:
The featured auditions began with a girl named Shannon McHough, who works at her parents' meat market. And she also belches, loudly and often. And her singing didn't sound much better. And I could almost hear thousands of televisions being switched to the season premiere of Lost. Simon tried to end the audition by saying, "I urge you, urge you, urge you not to do this," upon which she started singing again. Never do that, kids. The only thing you will succeed at is pissing Simon off. She walked out and said, "I think I'm done with American Idol." But yeah, the judges kind of decided that for you, dear.
Robbie Carrico, a former boy-bander, came next, singing some Lynryd Skynyrd's "Simple Man", and he was quite good. After he got his three yes votes from the judges his friends Silly-Stringed him. What, was a Gatorade bucket not nearby? Also, it makes one wonder, how awkward would it have been to carry all that Silly String around if he hadn't made it?
We were treated to some short clips of very bad auditions. Then came Venezuelan guitar player Ghaleb Emachah, who unleashed upon the judges some Enrique-Iglesias-type stuff, about which Simon said he would enjoy it if he were drunk. But Randy liked it, and an apparently-generous-racist Paula agreed to put him through even though she didn't like his accent. What a sweetheart! Ghaleb then proceeded to kiss everyone in sight.
Up next were two very large black girls, one of whom said Ryahn Seacrest was the love of her life, to which Paula responded, "You're kidding!" Ah, the lovefest continues. Corliss brought some jazz stylings and Brittany did some Motown, and the judges put them through to Hollywood. The girls kissed and hugged the judges, and then Simon told them to use "both doors" on their way out. He's so kind.
Then came "single mommy" Suzanne Toon, who as such is tired of struggling and wants to find a way to succeed. Well, the first thing I would suggest is: Don't have a baby when you're 18. That's number one. Sheesh. Number two, have a good singing voice. And she kind of did, at least enough to please all three judges. I'm guessing, though, that she won't get that big break she desires. She wasn't good enough.
Next up was a very cute Asian girl named Ramiele Malubay, who looks up to Season 3's third-place finisher and Phillipinean Jasmine Trias, although I guess if you are as short as Ramiele is, you look up to just about everyone. (Ba-dum-bum.) When she said she was going to sing some Aretha Franklin, it came across as a very tall order -- no pun intended, seriously -- but for the most part she did quite well. Simon disagreed, but no matter; she was on her way to Hollywood. Syesha Mercado was next, and she has a dad who struggled with drugs, and who cares about that. She pretty much yelled Aretha Franklin's "Think". I hated it. This particular audition was way too shrill -- if she tones it down I'm sure she could be much more pleasing to my various ear parts -- but the three judges were unanimous in their appreciation for it, so off she goes to Hollywood to prove me wrong.
Natashia Blach, a 29-year-old from Colorado -- I thought 28 was the cutoff age, but never mind -- did some "At Last", and she had a very sultry voice that in its quietude was much more pleasing than Syesha's shrieking. Not to mention Natashia's very nice smile. After this we were told by Seacrest that "the girls were on a roll"; but we heard only Ilsy Lorena Pinot make it through before the commercial break. After that we saw guys Ben Hausbach, Carroy Bethea, and Grant Rhea do absolutely nothing to convince anyone that they could sell a single CD. And the wondrously-named Fabienne Hyppolite was less than wondrous as she sang something totally off-key with a finger in one of her ears, appropriately. Then Richard Valles sang through his nose and didn't make it through, and that was over with quickly, fortunately.
Apparently there was once a show called American Juniors, which I guess was an American Idol for younger kids, and Julie Dubela, 16 now but 12 when she was on that other show, came in to try out for the "adult" version of A.J. She strutted into the audition room, full of sexiness and confidence, seeming much more than just four years removed from the kids' show stuff as she strutted and diva-ed her way through a well-rehearsed performance of "Me And Bobby McGee". When Simon asked her if she'd ever been called "precocious", she said "Umm, what does that mean?" After she was given her no votes, she immediately launched into another song, which, oddly, sounded much better, because she was now reduced to focusing on her voice instead of walking around and doing various gestures with her hands, but it was too late. Julie, Julie, Julie. This isn't Zoom. You gotta know what you're getting into and audition accordingly.
Brandon Black closed the show by being a complete jackass. I have no words. They did indeed save the weirdest for last. Here's the clip:
Brandon's clip begins at about the 6:00 mark. Also, Julie's audition is on there. Enjoy, folks!
I'll have Tuesday's write-up on here sometime soon. I know you're aching for it.
