E.K. NATION

I shall now welcome back E.K. Nation's Senior American Idol Correspondent "Smooth" to discuss with me the latest American Idol happenings.

Smooth: Glad to be back.

E.K.: So we know who got voted out: Alaina, Alexandrea, Jason Y. and Robbie. First let's discuss the guys.

Smooth: Michael Johns was first, and this was definitely the worst we've seen him. He didn't even look dressed up. This was an Alibi-level karaoke performance.

E.K.: I've mentioned The Alibi before; that's a joint in North Portland that we used to occasionally hit for some drinks and maybe some bad karaoke experiences.

Smooth: Especially when you sang.

E.K. I shall punch you.

Smooth: Just kidding. The song was out of Michael's range, and it sounded awful; his voice cracked, he missed notes, the whole bit. Plus, it brought out the worst in his vibrato. Randy and Paula are on crack not calling him out for that crap. Thank God for Simon, and even he was a little too easy on him, in my eyes.

E.K.: I, on the other hand, thought that this was the kind of performance that makes Michael unique. True, he might have suffered a bit vocally, especially when trying to hit the high notes, at least to someone else's ear; he definitely sounded like he was straining to hit them. However, he did manage to hit them, albeit in a weird way, and to me, the tone of his voice made his rendition of "Go Your Own Way" sound good. There's a quality to his voice that I haven't figured out quite yet, and I've speculated that maybe the Australian accent had something to do with it, but I just can't pinpoint it. All I know is that he sounds great to me. I like his "What the viewers would be surprised to learn about me" segment: He plays tennis! Holy Roger Federer, Batman! What other shocking revelations will we hear about this week?

Smooth: Next we had Jason Castro.

E.K.: What I think Mr. Castro needs to do is work on his capital-p Performing, that is if he wants to stay alive in this competition. We've seen him sing a mellow song while playing guitar twice now, and that's pretty much it. I like him; he has a decent voice and all, and he seems to be a nice guy, but he's going to have to step it up and start wowing us before he can reserve a spot in the top 8 or even top 10.

Smooth: I thought he sounded similar to last week, except with a less catchy song. He's charismatic on stage, with a just-OK and a bit overstylized vocal. The guitar works for him and his whole image. I always think doing a more obscure song is a risk on this show, but he's easily got the fan base to sail through this week. Luke Menard, however, does not. I actually give him props for even attempting that song. Great song, but as Simon points out, you basically have to be Freddie Mercury to sing it, since Freddie had one of the most interesting and identifiable rock voices in history. Although I think he stayed on pitch, Luke's reedy voice just doesn't work, and his performance was as boring as it possibly could have been while singing this song. Not good. He should have been booted this week.

E.K.: Luke's performance was cringe-worthy. I'm someone who, for the most part, hates Queen's music. Most of what Queen did was horrible. However, I recognize Freddie Mercury's presence in rock history, so if you're going to attempt a Queen song, you better nail it. Luke didn't even come close. He didn't even come close to coming close to coming close to nailing it. He sounded whiny throughout while seemingly never hitting one note. It was just awful, even if I hated Queen's version as much as I hated Luke's. I agree; he should have been voted out.

Smooth: Let's discuss Robbie Carrico. Last time you thought I was calling him Constantine-y, which I think is going a bit too far. He's a far better singer than than C-Maroul ever was, and although I think the rock image is not "authentic", it's not as calculated and...sleazy as Constantine's. Anyway, the song bored me. Randy correctly pointed out that his voice does not have a rock edge. Of course, if he cut his hair and sang a ballad, he'd probably sound fine but get bounced immediately, so I guess that since he got voted out, it wouldn't have mattered.

E.K. Okay, so maybe he wasn't as bad as Constantine, on the preen-fest scale. But at least Constantine was interesting. God, Robbie was not, at all, at all, at all. That was such a bad song choice for him, if only because the key was way too low. Lou Gramm wailed on that song for Foreigner; Robbie just sounded lifeless and dull with his version. The key was way too low for his voice. I'm fine with him being voted out, rumors that he wore a wig not withstanding. Too bad, TMZ, he got voted out. Next "scandal", please! Next we had Danny Noriega.

Smooth: Another bad song choice for him ("Superstar"). It's at the bottom of his register at the beginning, and although he actually pulls it off (which is difficult, and requires more breath control than you'd think), it doesn't sound fantastic. I have to compare Danny's vocal to that of Karen Carpenter, who I think had one of the greatest voices of all time. He threw in ornamentation that sounded really weird on this song. I know he's still trying to be Sassy!, but I have a feeling that if Danny toned down the theatrics a bit I'd like him more.

E.K.: Danny sounded way too cruise-ship for me. And at this point I am completely at a loss as to what genre of music Danny would be most successful in. There's just something about him that rubs me the wrong way. But I do give him props for capitulating in regards to Simon's criticism of his performance last week, agreeing at last that it wasn't all that good; I guess a viewing on a TV screen a day or so later can really change one's view of a performance. Danny's personality is surely seen as winning by some people, and that will allow him to go farther than he deserves in this competition.

Smooth: Now we have David Hernandez. In terms of pure vocal talent, I still think he's one of the best male contestants in years. He can do almost anything he wants to with his voice, which has obvious power, and he plays it straight and adds flourishes at the appropriate times. This performance was better than last week's, and I do think the storytelling nature of the song helped him with that. He still looks angry while singing, but it works here. If he can keep improving on stage, he could get very far.

E.K.: He did seem much more comfortable on stage this time, and his vocal was right on. And I agree that he might be one of the best guy singers A.I. has had, but he hasn't yet done that one song that completely puts everyone else to shame. He came close this week, though.

Smooth: As for Jason Yeager: Yikes. He definitely is a cabaret singer, both in his slightly nasal voice and the cheesy perma-grin that is still affixed from last week. I'm just not a fan. I feel what he's saying in the post-song interview, that he tried to change it up from last week, but there's nothing he could have done to make me like him more than some of the other guys. Sorry, Jason Y. Enjoy your time off.

E.K.: Agreed. This guy was Cheez Whiz from the get-go. Bad dancing, the grin...yeeccchh. He's just been a bad karaoke performer these last couple of weeks. This was the epitome of a bad night at The Alibi. Next was Chikezie, who I thought rocked the house. It's not easy to do Donny Hathaway, but Mr. Eze made it happen. If anything, it was so much better than last week.

Smooth: I'm not familiar with this song, but it works well for Chikezie. I enjoyed the way Chikezie worked his name (Chikezie) into the song, because I would totally do that. Good thing my real name is Wang M. Chung. Anyway, Chikezie totally rocks the R&B vibe, and Chikezie sounds good. I still don't quite understand Chikezie's sartorial decisions, but I liked Chikezie's performance a lot. Chikezie! After that was David Cook. Was that a golf towel in his back pocket? Was he going to wash my window at the stoplight? I loved his lame examples of his "large" vocabulary. Anyway, I didn't really love this performance. His vocals are OK, but he's just kinda boring. The guitar seems a little pointless at times. He's just not standing out, which means he's not a contender.

E.K.: I was kind of skeptical that it was him even playing the guitar in the first place. There was a brief solo interlude that seemed to be him playing, but anyway, I didn't see the point of him playing the guitar at all. If it's to just appear to be multi-dimensional, I am against it. Having said that, I thought he had a good stage presence and that he could pass for a rock star, if only of a Story-Of-The-Year quality. I thought it was okay.

Smooth: Next was David Archuleta. I think this was the third performance of "Imagine" on this show, after Ruben Studdard and Blake Lewis, and it was likely the best (I don't remember Ruben's version that well). He changed up the melody a bit, which you have to do on this show with a simple song like "Imagine". He's just got a nice tone to his voice, although Randy goes overboard in his praise of the vocal. I don't think he's got the vocal chops of some of the other contestants, particularly Carly and David H. However, he's not that far off, and as my wife points out he is young, cute, and endearing, and he is Mrs. Smooth's official pick to win. I'm finding it hard to disagree with her right now.

E.K.: I'm not sure what show you were watching when David Archuleta sang, but his take on "Imagine" was one of the best rendered performances I have ever seen on American Idol. The arrangement was great and set the tone for David's youthful-but-mature vocal. I knew he was good, but I didn't know he was that Good. Bravo to David A., who will surely be in the top 5. Now let's go to the girls' side. Carly Smithson was first, and my initial thought was that trying to do a Heart song can only hurt and not help. However, I think Carly did a solid job with it. At points she tried too hard to blast it out and it might have seemed a bit strained, but she's definitely a strong vocalist and it seemed much more authentic an attempt than, say, Carrie Underwood's try at "Alone" a couple years ago.

Smooth: You know, Carly is the opposite of David Cook and Robbie in that she doesn't even try to come off as "rock" - you can just tell, when she is singing a rock song, that she really does have an edge to her personality that is not manufactured. I really liked this. Her voice sounds strong and pure from the first note. She is able to hit high notes, with power, that I am not sure any of the other girls can hit. This was an excellent song choice for her. The judges don't seem to love the vocal quite as much as I did, but I think Carly made the degree of difficulty seem lower than it really was.

E.K.: Also, this was the first time that I have been really attracted to Carly. She looked fantastic; well, except for her outfit which once again did not score. I don't think her wardrobe will have an effect on how long she stays, but I would like to see her wearing something other than that tries to make her look frumpy. Hey, Smooth!

Smooth: Yo!

E.K.: What say you about Syesha Mercado this day?

Smooth: Well, her voice sounded weak at the beginning, perhaps because she was following Carly, but it got a little better from there. Her range seems limited, as I think her voice wavers on the lower notes and she strays from the pitch slightly on higher notes. She has pretty good control and nice tone, but this wasn't a great song choice for her. She also tends to stare into the camera a lot. Acting! Genius!

E.K.: I still can't see what the judges did that made them pick her to go this far. She hasn't yet connected with me as an American Idol viewer, and I need to see more. Two more things: 1) I don't ever want to hear a baby cry, so why would I want to her your impression of a baby crying? 2) It's always distracting when a song is sung by the gender that it was not originally written for; case in point, Wednesday's "Me and Mr. Jones"...it just sounds so contrived that I can't get past it.

Smooth: Now to Brooke White. She may be a beauty school dropout, but whoever does the hair and makeup for A.I. must have actually graduated, because Brooke looks way better than last week, nowhere near as pale and washed out. She had a guitar out (she played the piano as well during Hollywood week, I believe) and her vocal sounded good. Hey, I never noticed her passing resemblance to Carly Simon until now. She was a little smiley during the performance (the song should have more of an edge to it). This didn't blow me away, but it fits in with what Brooke does best.

E.K.: I love Brooke.

Smooth: So why dontcha marry her???

E.K.: I might...if she weren't already married. She is a beautiful girl with the sweetest of personalities, so right away she's a winner. She wasn't all that great last week, so she needed something good this week, and she got it; her performance of "You're So Vain" took her way back up myA.I. ladder. I only wish she would have stayed with it just being her and her guitar, because when the band kicked in, her voice got lost for a couple of seconds here and there; I wanted to hear more of her raw vocals. It wasn't perfect, but it seemed genuine, and I am glad Simon loved it. Now let's review Ramiele Mulabay: And this one was distressing to me, because first of all, how many times do I need to hear "Don't Leave Me This Way" before they'll officially retire it? Had she pulled it off, this would have been a stellar song choice; it has a ballad opening and then segues into disco, which kills two birds with one Sly Stone (bad pun, I know). But she didn't nail it, at least the disco-vocal part.

Smooth: She is seriously four feet tall. I like this song, and Ramiele did well with the slower parts. She just can't keep up with the faster bits, and gets a little shouty. It's not awful, but this just isn't Ramiele's oeuvre.

E.K.: Did you just say "oeuvre"?

Smooth: I did.

E.K.: That word starts with three vowels.

Smooth: Ummm...you are correct.

E.K.: Just so you know.

Smooth: I do like Ramiele's voice quite a bit, but she just can't pull off the disco diva stuff. Next up was Kristy Lee Cook, and wow, she's a tomboy? SO SURPRISING! I like how she seems to think she is the only tomboy in the universe. America, there are also smart people in Oregon. I will point out that Kristy is in a rather clingy top, which I enjoy. Why do they curl her hair for the stage, though? Her voice is fine, even good, but she does absolutely nothing special. Also, she is doing her weird squat dance thing. She definitely needs to embrace the country genre and just try and capture that demographic if she wants to stay around for long.

E.K. The best part was the top she was sporting. Although a cute girl, she hadn't looked particularly feminine in a sexy way until this week. Props to the outfitters who picked that shirt for her. Having said that, her vocals were just flat. She did not rise to the occasion at all here. There needs to be some sort of stronger vocal to this song; you can't just get all the notes right and hope to make an impact. I'll agree that she should try country next week, or as soon as she can.

Smooth: Next we have Amanda Overmyer. I thought this was a bizarre song choice as soon as it started, and it turned out very badly. I did not like anything about this performance. She looked terrible and had a scared look on her face. She sounded awful throughout. The verses were pitchy and she went for some power notes later and missed them badly. I fully agree with Simon that she seems charming in her interviews, but very off-putting on stage. Her singing voice somehow is more nasal, more heavily accented, and more mumbly than her speaking voice.

E.K.: I hated this performance. Everything about it was just weird, from the badly-placed vocals to Amanda's dancing to her hair -- I thought of Stripe from Gremlins -- to the instrumental breaks which are always awkward. Amanda seems to be stuck in that trap of I-Do-One-Genre-and-I-Hope-You-Like-It-And-Vote-For-Me-Based-On-That-And-By-The-Way-It's-A-Skunk-Looking-Human-Singing-Loudly. And I can tell you I will not vote for her. (Of course, I have never voted for any A.I. contestant ever, so no big loss for her.) I haven't liked her yet.

Smooth: I liked Alaina Whitaker's video clip because she showed off an eccentricity that was endearing, and in some ways displayed more about her personality than something like "I am a tomboy". She didn't do well with the song. It's boring. She kind of "scooped" her way into some of the notes, and it doesn't sound great. Another performance tonight where someone with a pretty good voice underachieved.

E.K. I thought it was dreadful. I figured Alaina would be in danger of being voted out this week. I don't think it's because she's not good; she sounds fine...sometimes, that is. This week, she did not. It was pitchy and all over the place. As for the blowout notes, the only things blown out were my eardrums. Ouch! I will say though that I felt really sad for her when she was voted out. Definitely the most emotional departure any contestant has ever had. I'm glad she got it together to sing one last time. Here comes Alexandrea Lushington to help out.

Smooth: She looks pretty. But weird song choices abounded this night. I think she did pretty well with it, though. I think I may have underestimated her voice in the past, because she sounded quite good here. She lost some power in her higher range, but overall I like her tone and she mostly stays on pitch. I worry about her because I think she has a lot to offer but this wasn't the type of performance that drums up votes.

E.K. I thought this performance was one of the worst we've seen this season, and maybe of anyone who has gone this far before. She had on this ridiculous tomboy outfit, complete with hooded-sweatshirt and what not. And it just seemed like she had woken up five minutes before air, grabbed whatever clothes were closest, and said, hey band, just play something by Chicago. She was off-key, pitchy, out of tune, you name it. Just simply, one of the worst. But I did like her sense of humor: She obviously knew how bad she was, and when Randy asked her what she thought of her performance, Alexandrea took a second and then casually asked, "Ummm...it's over?" It's a bit poignant when the singer hates her performance more than you the viewer does. But that was a great way to admit defeat. Let's move on to Britney Spears...errr, Kady Malloy, the girl who imitates Britney Spears: Did she stumble on the stairs as she walked down to the stage?

Smooth: I think Kady's been hitting the self-tanner or something because she looks kind of orange. Her hair looks stringy, too. I can barely hear her as the song begins but what I can hear doesn't sound good. She does some things with the melody that I think are on purpose but makes it sound like she's just missing the notes. Her voice is strange in that it's inconsistent, sounding noticeably throatier at times. I haven't liked either of her performances thus far.

E.K.: Nor have I. The key just didn't work well with her voice. She couldn't shine and she just seemed out of breath at times. I actually fast-forwarded through the second half of this song, and I never do that during the live shows. It was completely dreadful.

Smooth: With the straightened hair, Asia'h looked totally different, and I'm not sure it's a good thing because it's less distinctive than her usual look. Most of this performance was pretty damn rough. She was really pitchy at the beginning and obviously had a bad break in her voice on one note. She picked it up a little and manages to hit the two big glory notes in the second half of the song, but it was not enough to salvage the performance.

E.K.: I thought it sounded like she knew right away that she wasn't going to hit the high notes and that she was dreading their appearance throughout. She looked very uncomfortable. However, she still looked spectacularly gorgeous, I thought. That smile was still there. Well...it's late. I must get to bed.

Smooth: Good night, sir.

E.K.: Ta-ta.

BAD MOMENTS IN BEST PICTURE HISTORY:

I'll start this section by saying that the Academy seems to always have trouble giving the Best Picture Oscar to the actual best picture. In my estimation, the last actual best picture to win the award was Schindler's List, back in 1993. But I'll try to highlight the real doozies:

How Green Was My Valley, 1941: Disclaimer: I have never seen How Green Was My Valley, and it may very well be a lovely picture. I suppose I should see it one day, to try to figure out how it won Best Picture over freaking CITIZEN KANE.

2001: A Space Odyssey, 1968 (because it was not nominated): Not nominated. Were the voters out in space?

Ordinary People, 1980 (because it won and because of what didn't win): This overwrought melodrama won the Oscar over Raging Bull. And Robert Redford won Best Director over Martin Scorsese. Somehow, this happened. In real life.

Dead Poets Society, 1989 (because it was even made; let's start with that): It's a story riddled with ridiculously false moments, from the scapegoating of the teacher played by Robin Williams, to the inexplicable suicide by a student with a mean daddy, to the students' standing on their desks as some sort of grandiose statement. Really? Standing on their desks? Even in the last shot, which is supposed to be, like, really dramatic or something? Somehow the voters loved it and nominated it; to borrow a phrase from Roger Ebert, I hated, hated, hated it. Weren't there better moments in Do The Right Thing, which should have been nominated instead, and probably should have won?

Welton Academy students stand on their desks to protest the absence of Do The Right Thing from the Best Picture list in 1989

Forrest Gump, 1994 (because it boggles the mind): This film, like its title character, is just dumb. I don't have time to list all the reasons I despise this film. I want to, in order to be fair, but I suppose I'd have to see it one more time to create a complete list; I admit to you, fair reader, that I don't want to waste my time seeing this piece of crap again. That it wound up beating Pulp Fiction for Best Picture is not only mind-boggling but heartbreaking; the Academy could have shown some balls and chosen to honor a wildly inventive crime thriller instead of an insipid, lame tear-jerker-slash-feel-good thing. And, and...think now that Gump also defeated The Shawshank Redemption for this award. Aaaarrgghhh. I don't want to hink about it anymore.

The English Patient, 1996 (because of what didn't win): I wasn't too enthralled by this film; then again, I don't have anything bad to say about it. But everyone remembers Fargo. The Coen brothers' marvelous tale of a kidnapping scheme gone wrong in the bleak snow of Minnesota remains a perfect film. Forget Frances McDormand's gift to us of her character, Chief Marge Gunderson -- although I suppose you can't forget it -- every character, from William H. Macy's blundering car salesman to the snow-shoveling Mr. Mohra to Mike Yanagita, enriches the story in ways that are still remarkable. In 20 years, people who are not that into movies will be shocked to learn that a film called The English Patient won the Best Picture Oscar for 1996 instead of Fargo, a film they once saw and loved.

Shakespeare In Love, 1998 (because of what didn't win): It almost seemed that the Academy knew Saving Private Ryan was going to win; they got Harrison Ford to come out on stage to -- presumably -- announce that his buddy Steven Spielberg's picture had won the top prize. Ford seemed a bit unpleasantly surprised to find that Shakespeare In Love was the title inside the envelope, but I know I definitely was unpleasantly surprised. The first 25 minutes of Ryan alone seemed enough to earn that epic the Best Picture, never mind the rest of the film with more expertly-staged war scenes interspersed with some compelling character study. Instead, we have a harmless but unmemorable film about some Shakespearean actors that will be known as the "best" film of 1998.

Gladiator, 2001 (because it won): Simply put, Gladiator was excrutiatingly dull. The far superior Traffic and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon were nominated that year. What a shame that the Academy fell yet again into the routine of voting for the Epic instead of for creativity.

Here I might also mention American Beauty, a film that gets worse and worse each time I subject myself to it (and I actually liked it the first time), but there wasn't much else in cinema this year, apparently; The Cider House Rules and The Green Mile also got nominations. So Beauty gets a pass for being in a weak field.

BAD MOMENTS IN BEST ACTOR HISTORY:

Tom Cruise, Rain Man, 1988 (because he was not nominated): Dustin Hoffman won the Oscar for this film for what was basically a one-note performance, save for a couple scenes where the autistic Raymond Babbitt screams in terror over a plane ride or a scalding hot bath. Granted, it's not a bad performance by Hoffman; he gave the role everything it needed and I had no problem thinking the character was autistic. But to honor Hoffman with an Oscar while ignoring Tom Cruise's vastly superior effort as Rain Man's arrogant brother Charlie was ludicrous. Cruise's is the character that requires a truly dynamic performance; he's the one who undergoes all the changes. Considering who Cruise would have been up against had he been nominated instead, Cruise might have won.

Al Pacino, Scent Of A Woman, 1992 (because he won): One of the most egeregious examples of hamming it up, Pacino's Lt. Col. Frank Slade is an annoying character placed in a ridiculous set of situations, ranging from his attempt at driving a sports car despite being blind, to Slade's inexplicably becoming the focus of a subplot involving a group of prep school classmates who face expulsion for a prank. When he cries out "I'm just gettin' warmed up!" at the students' hearing -- a scene that is truly one of the stupidest in recent movie history -- I cringe; I want him to immediately tone it down instead. Comprehending the fact that Pacino got his one Oscar for this nonsense is one of the most difficult things I have ever attempted.

Tom Hanks, Cast Away, 2001 (because he did not win): Russell Crowe won the Oscar for Gladiator in 2001, but his work in that far-less-than-stellar film was overshadowed by Tom Hanks, who pretty much carried Cast Away. I suppose we'd had a full decade of Tom Hanks Overload; he won in 1993 and 1994, was nominated two other times, and pretty much had 83 box office hits, and maybe that's why the Academy wouldn't honor him. But I defy anyone to watch Gladiator again and tell me what Crowe did to earn an Oscar that was more impressive than what Hanks went through to film Cast Away. Hanks absolutely carried that film from start to finish, and did one of those DeNiro-like body-changing transformations to boot.

Daniel Day-Lewis, Gangs Of New York, 2002 (because he did not win): As with Hoffman's selection, the problem lies with who did not get the award rather than with who did. Adrien Brody, in becoming the youngest Best Actor winner ever, gave a fine performance in The Pianist, but there is no way that Daniel Day-Lewis should not have been rewarded for his amazing turn as Bill the Butcher in Gangs Of New York. Fortunately for DDL, I suspect that he will get his second Oscar (to go along with the one he got for My Left Foot) for what I understand is yet another career-topping role, that of oilman Daniel Plainview from There Will Be Blood. Still, nobody deserved the Academy Award of Merit in 2002the way Day-Lewis did.

Paul Giamatti, Sideways, 2004 (because he was not nominated: Giamatti's work in Sideways is like a master class in acting. He's awkward, touching, authoritative, daring, drunk, lovestruck. To see this film and not think of Paul Giamatti as one of the finest actors of our time is...well, first, tell me who thinks that it is even possible to not think that?

BAD MOMENTS IN BEST ACTRESS HISTORY:

I actually can't think of any, strangely. The Academy is usually pretty good with this category. Maybe Gwyneth Paltrow, Julia Roberts and Reese Witherspoon were weak winners in the last decade, but there hasn't been anything so atrocious in my memory that is worth mentioning.

E.K. NATION'S OSCAR PREDICTIONS:

Picture:

No Country For Old Men

Actor:

Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood

Actress:

Julie Christie, Away From Her

Supporting Actor:

Javier Bardem, No Country For Old Men

Supporting Actress:

Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton

Director:

Joel and Ethan Coen, No Country For Old Men

Original Screenplay:

Diablo Cody, Juno

Adapted Screenplay

Joel and Ethan Coen, No Country For Old Men

Editing:

Roderick Jaynes, No Country For Old Men

Note: Roderick Jaynes is the name Joel and Ethan Coen use for their editing credits

Animated Feature:

Ratatouille

Art Direction:

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street

Cinematography:

Atonement

Costume Design:

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street

Documentary, Feature:

No End In Sight

Documentary, Short:

Sari's Mother

Foreign Language Film:

The Counterfeiters

Makeup:

La Vie En Rose

Original Score:

Dario Marianelli, Atonement

Original Song:

Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, "Falling Slowly," Once

Animated Short:

I Met The Walrus

Live Action Short:

Le Mozart Des Pickpockets

Sound Editing:

Transformers

Sound Mixing:

Transformers

Visual Effects:

Transformers

E.K. Nation Senior American Idol Correspondent "Smooth" has the day off.

I had high hopes for Kristy Lee Cook, based on her original audition and her Hollywood Week efforts, but as the first girl to sing live this season she fell incredibly flat. It just seemed like she was going through the motions, trying very hard not to miss a note, and even though she didn't miss any, it was just dull and lifeless. A very disappointing dropoff.

As for Joanne Borgella, she too showed a lot of promise based on all the audition rounds, but here she just sucked. She sounded whiny this time and had pitch problems throughout. I can't figure out what happened to her between her audition and last night.

Before she sang, I was concerned that Alaina Whitaker was showing so little confidence in her "pre-interview" that she wouldn't be able to rise to the occasion. Plus, she'd had so little face time prior to last night that I wasn't even sure what she could do anyway. But she took hold of "More Today Than Yesterday," starting it off with a ballad pace that she hit with a sultry vocal, and then the song's tempo picked up and she kept pace and really did well. I was surprised, although not as surpirsed as I was when Simon told us he didn't know what song that was. Isn't he, like, a music executive or something?

Now we come to Amanda Overmyer, and I was afraid this Janis Joplin wannabe was just going to be one-note throughout this competition, and last night she did not show signs that I would be wrong. Her rendition of "Please Don't Go" was a screechy mess, and I thoroughly detested it. But since I never liked her singing to begin with, I was not disappointed. She's a likeable person, but I don't think she should even go near a karaoke bar. It's just way too obnoxious for me.

Up next was Amy Davis, who was pitchy right from the start and it never got any better. I didn't know what song she was doing, but that really doesn't matter because she left no impression on me anyway. Except for all the out-of-tune-ness, there's no way she stands out in this group.

Here's my first real letdown of the season. The delightfully charming and extremely pretty Brooke White came out to do "Happy Together", and it was just a weird performance. She was a bit off key in spots, and she was doing these odd movements on stage that just kind of made the whole thing a bit off-putting. I liked her the second we the TV audience met her (she's the girl who's so wholesome she's never seen an R-rated movie) but she didn't get off to a good start in the live shows.

The next song belonged to Alexandrea Lushington, who definitely had some choerography in mind, starting on the staircase and sauntering down to the stage and putting on a Show. I wasn't too enthralled by her vocal performance but I did like her energy and I think she has the potential to steal a show or two if the other girls don't watch out.

I'll start by saying that I love impressions. Anyone who can do a really good impression of somebody else is automatically cool. And Kady Malloy's take on Britney Spears is hilarious. Now, Kady is the girl who intentionally did Britney at her first audition and then unintentionally did Carrie Underwood for her actual song, and the judges rightfully called her on it. I wasn't sure what to expect, but last night she took on "A Groovy Kind Of Love" and I thought she did great and certainly didn't sound like anyone else in particular. She hit pretty much all the notes and had a great tone. Her one problem is that she didn't show a whole lot of charisma, although she certainly has previously. And she looked stunning. The judges were unnecessarily harsh on her, though. I'm not sure what performance they saw.

Right about now I would like to salute the background singers. They consistently do a fantastic job assisting the contestants and sometimes making them sound better than they really are. They certainly didn't hurt Asia'h Epperson, who attempted some Janis and came close to matching her (relatively speaking, of course...no one will ever actually match Janis). To borrow a Randy Jackson phrase, she "worked it out." And god, that smile! One of the best on planet Earth.

Now to the darling of this year's competition, Ramiele Malubay. She's tiny, gorgeous, and has a voice that sounds way too powerful to be coming out of her. And her rendition of "You Don't Have To Say You Love Me" actually made me rewind it and watch it again. That was a first for me this year. It was a very mature performance that stands in contrast to her regular pipsqueak self (and I say "pipsqueak" with all good intentions; she's just too adorable for words). That performance is the kind that vaults people into the top four, the top three, etc. I fully expect to see this girl do many songs in the weeks to come. She is a delight.

I have not been a fan of Syesha Mercado. And she didn't improve last night. She was all over the place with her attempt at "Tobacco Road," although the judges liked it. I didn't. I dunno.

Finally, we have the Irish girl Carly Smithson, my pick to be the last female standing. She definitely looks the part of a polished pro; even those who didn't know she's already had a recording contract might guess that she did. I had a problem with her outfit; she just kind of looked frumpy, but that's all the negatives I have to say about her. She's a seasoned vet in this business and that will no doubt have her sailing along, even if the song she sang last night "Shadow Of Your Smile" didn't particularly match her rogue-ish (and brogue-ish) personality. She's good and will have even better weeks soon enough.

E.K. would vote out: Amy Davis and Amanda Overmyer.

E.K.'s predicted casualties: Amy Davis and Brooke White.

Let the celebration begin! It's live show time! And with that, I'd like to introduce the first ever guest writer on this blog, E.K. Nation Senior American Idol Correspondent "Smooth".

Smooth: Hello.

E.K.: And with that, you are now in second place in the category Most Words Written Directly For The E.K. Nation Blog. Congratulations, and welcome!

Smooth: Charmed.

E.K.: Let's talk about the first contestant to sing live on Season 7, David Hernandez, shall we?

Smooth: I loved this guy's audition in Hollywood. During his interview, though, I see why he did not get more screen time. He barely smiles; in fact, he often looks morose. He is very lacking in the personality department, and he just doesn't look happy to be there. This is unfortunate, because he does have an excellent voice. Good tone, good control. The song choice didn't allow him to really show off, though. He also blatantly missed a note towards the end which never helps. I really hope he can start to show more charisma because he might have the best voice among the guys.

E.K.: I agree that his vocals are good but that he has no stage presence whatsoever, at least on Tuesday night. Maybe it was the task of being the first to sing live that got to him, I don't know. He just kind of awkwardly stood there, as if someone had nailed his shoes to the floor. Up next was Chikezie Eze. Errr, excuse me: The Artist Formerly Known As Chikezie Eze. I guess he's now just "Chikezie." What's up with this single-name stuff? Any ideas? Trenyce? Mandisa? Smooth?

Smooth: "Eze" would have put him in a tie with Robb Nen for the shortest and most palindromic last name ever, but that's all been thrown away now. Anyway, the song started off a bit low for him. He's got pretty good tone and looks comfortable on stage. The outfit is rather Vegas-loungesque, though, and in some ways so is his performance. Not bad but I think he can do better. Also, he reminds me of a less crazy-eyed Forest Whitaker. And Simon called him "Jacuzzi". Nice.

E.K.: I thought Simon just called him "Chikuzie." Maybe he was indeed going for "Jacuzzi." Either way, I'm sure Kellie Pickler was all confused about what was going on. Anyway, yeah, Chikezie started slow with "More Today Than Yesterday" but then picked it up and in the end I thought it was quite good. I thought he was much stronger in his audition, though. Then there was David Cook...

Smooth: I didn't like this guy too much in the previous rounds and I'm still not liking him much. His whole persona seems a bit too calculated, like he has a predetermined role he devised for himself. His voice isn't bad, but it sounds like he is straining to put an edge into it that just wouldn't be there naturally. And then he's carrying the mic stand for a while...dude, we get it, you're rocktackular or whatever, but you're singing "Happy Together". Not sure anyone in the audience is going to start throwing devil horns at you.

E.K. Yeah, it kind of looks like he's hoping the lead singer of Fall Out Boy is going to quit so he can step in. He has some serious hair issues. But who am I, Jose Eber? I think he should have stayed with making "Happy Together" a ballad. It started out well, but when the pace picked up I didn't think he was keeping up with it. But he hit the last note well, and I guess he did all right. Up next was Jason Yeager, who we did not see much of during the previous rounds. Wait, wait...is that "Moon River" on the jukebox?

Smooth: Worst song choice ever. Decent voice, but just...no. Little to no airtime prior to last night meant he needed to do something great. Any song that can be sung sitting on a stool was the wrong song. This had no appeal to Idol's prime demographic. He seems like a nice guy and all, but I can barely remember what he looks like five minutes after watching a YouTube replay of his performance, and in the early rounds that's what dooms you. It didn't help that he had a cheesy smile plastered on his face for a large portion of the song. Also, did he mention his dead grandma to the judges? I'm invoking the Johnny Fairplay Shenanigans Clause.

E.K.: I don't think I objected to this performance as much as you did. I thought he did well. Nice tone, good control, although I agree about the cheesy grin, especially since I've always thought that, despite the lyrics, "Moon River" was a song for a sad mood. But I will add that there's not a single song that could have been performed on this night that would appeal to A.I.'s prime demographic. It's songs from the Sixties, for the love of Timothy Leary. I don't think any song that's 40 years old is relevant to Generation Text. I can't really blame Jason for his song choice. It's a trave-sham-mockery that on the first night of live performances the contestants have to do songs that aren't really relevant to the pop industry. Which, when you think about it, is kind of sad to have to say. But anyway, up next was Robbie Carrico.

Smooth: David Cook suddenly seems a lot more tolerable. Robbie is the poseur to end all poseurs. He is an elected official from Poseurville's 5th district. I know it was a while ago, but he was in a "boy-girl" group and after that ended he decided he "wanted to do rock". He really said that. The whole thing is kind of sickening. I guess if you're Robbie and you've already been through the pop scene where they package you up and sell you like a focus-group designed product (seriously, the "band" he was in, Boyz N Girlz United, consisted of two wholesome-looking white kids, a black guy, and a Hispanic girl), he might truly believe that all he has to do is grow out his hair, throw on a bandana and a wallet chain, and voila! He's pretty much Scott Weiland! It might make me even angrier that Paula keeps calling him "authentic". Anyway, if you ignore all the other crap it was a good vocal. He might have even less edge to his voice than Cook, though, and this was noticeable in the Hollywood clips they showed where he sang Fuel. Also, the background singers were overpowering him...they need to turn those mics down a bit. After he sang, Simon questioned his rock roots and he literally showed off his outfit and said "this is me". Even past Idol faux-rockers have never been that blatant about the whole thing. He seems like a nice guy and all, but I am just going to have a hard time seeing past this front.

E.K.: You done yet? Sheesh.

Smooth: I am.

E.K.: Okay. Here's my problem with Robbie: I'm thinking most people will be comparing him to Bo Bice. The long hair, the beard, the rock, etc. And that, more than anything, will be his ultimate end. You've got him coming on as Constantine Maroulis 2.0, and I don't think it's that bad.

Smooth: It is.

E.K.: No, it isn't. I don't think he's that close to that faux-rocker thing at all, at least from what I have seen. I'm fine with Paula calling him "authentic" because at least she's not talking about a moth finding a melon ball, or whatever the hell drunken mess she sometimes gurgles. And let me add something that is in no way related: At this point in the show it occurred to me that the singers were given just 90 seconds to do their thing. Ninety seconds! It's a two-hour show, and all they get is 90 seconds? When you add it up, you find that the producers are willing to show us just 18 minutes' worth of singing. In a two-hour show! One hour and 42 minutes of fluff pieces, Paula, and commercials, and only 18 minutes of actual singing. Not even a measly one-sixth of the show is devoted to performances. Something has to be done. Okay, let's get on with it: Here comes David Archuleta.

Smooth: Our third David of the night will certainly be the one that lasts longest in the competition. He's got the backstory with his past vocal problems, he's the youngest male competitor, and he's got a big "gee-whiz, I'm just happy to be here" factor going for him. He's very likable and wholesome, and he's got a very nice voice (although I think his range is pretty limited). He really hesitated on the last big note, but then he did hit it. His main problem is his lack of performance experience, which was put on display last night by his choice of a very high-energy song. He wasn't a statue or anything, but I think the type of performance that's needed to do justice to "Shop Around" is slightly more than he's capable of delivering at this point.

E.K.: Sheer likeability should keep David around for a long time. There were some problems with this performance, though, primarily early on. He couldn't do much with the lower notes, and he couldn't really kick it into gear until Ricky Minor and the band did. Once that happened, though, he was able to bring it around and finish strong. I am concerned, though, since he can be genuinely good, that he might keep doing the "Aww, shucks, you like me?" thing Melinda Doolittle did last year. I think that once he brings a bit more confidence, he'll deserve a high finish in this competition. I did like Ryan Seacrest's line, "You can only vote for him, you actually can't adopt him." Awwwwwww. Now let's move on to Danny Noriega.

Smooth: Really unfortunate song choice on this one. He sounded fine, but Elvis songs like this never go well. Danny has shown he's got some range, so why pick a song that has about five different notes? His performance was pretty good although he seemed to be looking down a lot for some reason and he has a tendency to make really goofy facial expressions. Also, some of the comments he makes to seem "sassy" go a little over the top, bordering on "Men on Film" territory. I think he can do a lot better than this assuming he moves on. I did love Simon calling Paula on her totally incoherent ramblings about color. Simon was pissed off.

E.K.: I'm going to go ahead and call bullshit on this whole performance, and not because it was ridiculous in and of itself. "Jailhouse Rock" came out in 1957. It's not a Sixties song at all! So Danny's cheating, and I think we ought to have a Congressional hearing on this matter. Congress isn't doing anything important right now, is it? Anyway, "Jailhouse Rock" was a horrendous choice, not only because nobody's going to match Elvis, but also because it's a song to be sung by someone who looks like he could actually be in jail. Since "over the top sassiness" is not a crime, Danny isn't going to come close to fitting that persona. The performance was atrocious. I will give Danny props, though, for being the first contestant of the night to not do that "here's the phone number, and I'm going to hold up the corresponding amount of fingers to accentuate that number" thing. But then he did mouth the word "seven", and even that had way too much sassiness to it. So the props immediately get taken away.

Smooth: On to Luke Menard. Amazingly, "Everybody's Talkin'" may have been an even worse song choice than "Moon River". Most of what I said above in re: Jason Yeager applies here, and I actually like Luke's voice a little bit less than Jason's. It's not bad, but the tone is a little high and tinny for me. Boring = out.

E.K.: Who's Luke Menard?

Smooth: He's one of the top 12 guys on American Idol.

E.K.: Nope, doesn't help me. I suppose we should move on to Colton Berry, who is on the hook right off the bat for being the guy Randy and Paula chose over Kyle Ensley, who would have been far more entertaining, if not vocally excellent, than this moptopped poseur goofball. Stop me before I get angry, Smooth.

Smooth: Well, he's got a great attitude and is very enthusiastic. I thought he was likable. He started out oversinging the song (another Elvis song, by the way, but a better choice than Danny's) but settled into it later. He's got a nice tone to his voice. Also, his performance didn't match the content of the song. Not great, but I was entertained enough that I'd like to see him make the next round.

E.K.: You're way too kind. This kid has no appeal to him whatsoever. I have gotten hammered on gin-and-tonics and sung "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" at a karaoke bar (Ahhhh...The Alibi!), in the style of Elvis no less, and come off more charismatic and talented than this hack. If he hadn't taken Kyle's spot I'd be less pissed off, but he did, so I'm quite pissed off. I loved Simon's line, "If people spent more time worrying about their voices rather than their hair..." This kid sucks, and I don't mean to be so tough on him, but...actually, yeah, I do. I want him off the damn show. Next.

Smooth: Garrett Haley freaks me out a little bit. He really looks like the teenage ghost of Jani Lane, and his dead eyes aren't helping. He also seemed to have a random accent during his interview. The vocal was pretty weak. He has a nasally, high pitched voice that makes him sound whiny. Also, when he tried to throw in ornamentation to the melody, it seemed to drive him off-key. He still wasn't bad, but in a pretty solid group I'd put him near the bottom in terms of vocal talent.

E.K.: Is Jani Lane dead? (Quick Wikipedia search...no, he's still alive. But here's something: Jani Lane was born a little more than three months after the assassination of JFK, and his birth name is John Kennedy Oswald. Nice.) Okay, so as for Garrett, he definitely has a Leif Garrett thing going on, and for 17, he's actually not all that bad. He had a few pitch problems, though, and I just don't see him making it into the Top 12. The girl voters might think he's cute but I would rather not talk about that. Let's move on to Jason Castro.

Smooth: This guy's got a lot going for him. The dreadlocks and the guitar made him immediately memorable on a night of many forgettable performances. Not sure why exactly he's got dreads but they're working to his advantage given his lack of screen time. I am amazed he claims to have only sung in public a few times before trying out for Idol, because he seems right at home behind the mic. I wouldn't say his vocal was the best of the night; he seems to do almost country music-style jumps into his falsetto at times, and he's not too polished, but it was good, and the song choice was excellent. He actually seems more comfortable on stage than off, but I think he'll do well.

E.K.: As far as my memory serves, he's the first contestant to accompany himself on an instrument during a live show (at least during a performance to be voted on by the audience), and I liked it a lot. I'm not sure what effect using an instrument will have on the voting, but I like the fact that they're letting singers do that this year. I too was amazed that he hadn't sung more than just a few times live. I'm not sure he even believes he's on the show, especially at this stage in the competition; he's quite humble and unassuming and just seems to be taking the A.I. experience in stride. I hope he goes far; I'd like to hear more from him. Finally, we have Michael Johns.

Smooth: I would like to point out immediately that the scarf was ridiculous. Okay. This wasn't bad, but I think he can do a lot better. Pretty good song choice, but the problem with it is that it almost calls for you to scream instead of sing at times and he didn't really go for it to the extent you'd have to in order to make it work. I think that kind of left him in a no-man's land at times and he really was pitchy, falling off some notes here and there. I also noticed for the first time that he has excessive vibrato which always annoys me. Still, I think he's charismatic and he stands out in this crowd.

E.K.: Anyone who can make me like a Doors song is fantastic in my book. I really like this guy's sound and he justified my belief that he was the strongest guy singer in this competition. I'm not sure if it is his Australian accent that gives his vocal stylings a unique sound, but it's there anyway. I'm not too worried about the scarf; it's winter, after all (although in Australia it's summer). I stand by my prediction that Michael will be the last guy standing in this season. Then again, anything can happen.

Smooth: This was definitely one of the Best! Top! 12! Guys! Ever! in terms of overall vocal quality. However, and I think Simon's bad mood can partly be attributed to this, there was a lack of ZAZZ! There were numerous serviceable performances but most of them were flawed in some way.

E.K.: Overall, I'm pretty happy with the quality of the Top 12 Guys. There are a few stragglers who can be taken care of with a couple weeks of voting. Once it gets to the final 12 overall, I think it's going to be a strong finish to the season.

Smooth would vote out: Luke Menard and Garrett Haley
E.K. would vote out: Colton Berry and Luke Menard

Smooth's predicted casualties: Luke Menard and Jason Yeager
E.K.'s predicted casualties: Colton Berry and Luke Menard

Smooth: It was a pleasure chatting with you.

E.K.: We should talk about girls next.

Here's the show where they bring each singer, one by one, into a room and let them know whether they have made it to the live shows or not. Let's keep it short and to the point for now, because Simon had something extraordinary to say on Wednesday's show and I should focus on that.

I knew Carly Smithson would make it, and she did. She's E.K. Nation's official pick to go farther than any other female. I wasn't sure if Kristy Lee Cook, the Oregonian, or Brooke White* would make it, but they both did. Asia'h Epperson made it. Kady Malloy, Amy Davis and Alaina Whitaker all made it. Basically the only female I recognized from any of the audition shows who didn't make it was Natashia Bloch. Oh, and neither did the gorgeous Cardin McKinney, who was one of the final two girls along with "plus-size" model Joanne Borgella, who survived that final cut. (Cardin, it turns out, has legs that rival those of last year's bombshell Haley Scarnato, and it's a shame that she won't be delighting me anymore with her visual appearance.) Syesha Mercado was informed by Paula that she had made it to the next round, via the spelling of her name -- there's a "y-e-s" in "Syesha"...isn't that cute? I wonder if Paula would have had the balls to cut Fantasia in that way ("Hmmm...how do you spell your last name, Fantasia? B-A-R-R-I-N-O? Wait, what are those last two letters again?"). Ramiele Malubay, Alexandrea Lushington, and rock and roll nurse (and won't it be grand when I can stop saying that phrase?) Amanda Overmyer round out the top 12 girls, who will take the stage next week.

David Cook was the first guy to make it through. Sixteen-year-old David Archuleta also made it, after being lectured on how young he was. Danny Noriega -- once again, a soon-to-be big hit with our gay and lesbian community -- will be one of the live singers next week, as will three guys I have no recollection of seeing until now, Jason Yeager, Jason Castro and Luke Menard. Drew Poppelreiter won't miss not being in the top 24, saying "I won't miss turkey season," and I am very sad that turkeys have to die so that we don't have to listen to Drew sing anymore. Australian Michael Johns (and won't it be great when I can stop qualifying this guy as an Aussie?) made it, and he is E.K. Nation's pick to go farther than any other male singer this year. Long-haired Robbie Carrico made it while other long-haired dude Buck Smith didn't. Smooth vocalist Chikezie Eze (his names rhyme, I think, or maybe they don't) will be in the top 24, as will someone named Garrett Haley, whom I have no memory of. David Hernandez made it despite not being a unanimous choice.

Which brings us to our last two guys, a young moptop named Colton Berry, and the bespectacled Kyle Ensley. Kyle is the guy who has aspirations of becoming a politican later in life but thought American Idol might be a nice stopover until then. He's a Jon-Peter-Lewis, Kevin-Covais type who is not necessarily superior to anyone in any way vocally (except for maybe those two) but seems like one of the nicest guys to ever compete in this karaoke-fest. And here is what Simon had to say when they brought in Colton and Kyle to determine the last guy in the top 24, and I think anyone who believes Simon is an ass should read this quote, and this is verbatim, and he said it to Kyle after it was revealed that Colton had been chosen to pass through to the next round in lieu of Kyle, and I thought it was the most heartfelt thing any reality TV show host or judge has ever said about any competitor ever:

Kyle, I want you to know, from me, wholeheartedly, I disagree with this decision. I think you had done enough because you were different and unique to have made it through to the next round, and I completely and utterly disagree with this decision. I think you should have been given a chance based on the impact you made at Hollywood to be competing further in this competition. I don't think you're the best singer, but I think you have something which people would have enjoyed, and I'm really disappointed. Really disappointed.

At which point Colton should have thrown up his hands and said, "Oh, crikey, I have no chance to win now. Guys, if I bow out, will you put Kyle through to the round of 24?" (E.K. Nation predicts that Colton will sing live on television just once in his life, and that that will be next week.)

Simon was absolutely correct in his assessment of Kyle Ensley. He isn't a fantastic singer by any stretch, but it's true that he would have sparked the same kind of interest in A.I. that Messrs. Lewis or Covais did in years past. He had a likeable personality that rose above his geeky exterior, a positive competitive spirit, and the drive to just keep singing even though the odds were against him, and he would have been a star this season, like it or not, Sanjaya haters. So it is with these last few sentences that Simon is given credit where it is due; not only does he know what he is talking about, but he's also a nice guy.

On to the round of 24. Carly Smithson and Michael Johns, you are the favorites.

*Did anyone else notice that right around the time they brought Brooke in for her final verdict, the producers cued up the same music they play on Deal Or No Deal when someone is about to open up a very important case? I was bothered by this.

Okay, so I've been sick for much of the last seven days and didn't get around to writing anything about the last couple hours of A.I. auditions. You'll just have to remember in your head, and your mind, and your brain, too, how well I did in past weeks and judge me from there.

So the big change in Hollywood Week this year was the addition of the option to play a musical instrument during the early round. And on came Brooke White, our resident Never-Seen-An-R-Rated-Movie contestant, to accompany herself on the keyboard. And she did well, prompting Simon to compare her to a sort of Carole King/Carly Simon hybrid, whereupon she said "Thank you!" and her eyes rolled back in her head as though she were having an orgasm (it's a look I know well, of course). By virtue of her passing this stage of the audition, she was shuttled off to the next round without any more ado.

Up next were a few people who weren't so fortunate and thus who had to endure three more days before knowing whether they'd pass through. This group included the cute abstinence-lover Amy "Whatevs!" Flynn, who, I guess, said she sang for "you and me, Simon," at which point he said, "In that case it's a no," and many in the crowd could be heard cringing in their boots. A few more nondescript singers with instruments clogged the stage for a time, including Jake Mellema, who decided to play drums while singing a wretched version of "Hooked On A Feeling". It was complete crap.

David Hernandez was a huge hit with the judges with his version of "Love The One You're With"; I didn't agree that it was spectacular, but so far there hadn't been much to compete with him (at least in the order the producers presented the singers to us; for all we the viewers know, he was first on stage). After David came rock and roll nurse Amanda Overmyer, who blasted out some Doors. I thought this audition was quite bad; every karaoke night ever in the history of ever has had someone sing like this, and it isn't spectacular then either. Randy, apparently suffering from deafness, said she was "so different" and "so unique", which she most certainly is not. She's just a lesser version of Janis Joplin four decades later.

Up next came a medley of people who forgot the words to their songs. Dude: You're singing "Stuck In The Middle With You"...how do you forget those words? Since Reservoir Dogs, everyone on Earth has heard this song 84,000 times. And Cardin McKinney, you're still quite hot, and you nearly spared me the horror of having to root for a girl named "Cardin" when you forgot your lyrics. (What, was "Jane" taken the day you were born?) And Ghaleb Eamacha, if I got the spelling right, was most accurately described by Simon as a singing waiter who comes up to you in a bad restaurant and murders Bryan Adams (by trying to do one of his songs, not by killing him). The only thing Ghaleb had going for him was that Cardin wanted him to kiss her.

Now, Josiah Leming, let this be known: I hate your affected, pretentious and might I add fake British accent you put on when you sing. It's stupid, dude. How do you get away with that nonsense? (More important, how do British people get away with sounding American when they sing?) I'm not fooled by that, Josiah; it is fraudulent, pure and simple. Simon said he would remember Josiah's audition the most; I will too, 'cause it sucked. And yet, through all this crap, I still kind of like the kid.

A string of good performances: Danny Noriega, who will be a big hit with the gay voters, not that there is anything wrong with that; Carly Smithson, who still has a tinge of a lovely Irish accent and who can wail with the best of them; and Michael Johns, the Aussie Daughtry-ish soul singer. After that was a succession of people doing "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)," none of whom stood out much. And then there was Kyle Ensley, the wannabe politician stopping in for an A.I. stint before political fame; he provided enough cheese to top a pizza for thirty hungry NFL lineman and at this point I wondered how he had gotten this far to begin with. Simon walked out of the auditiorium while Paula hemmed and hawed over whether to pass him.

"Good luck; it's do or die," exhorted Simon, as the next stage began. Herded onto the stage in groups of ten, those who couldn't get a free pass to the next round sang some a cappella before being judged right then and there. Single parents Suzanne Toon and Perrie Cataldo were among those sent packing, as were Amy "Whatevs!" Flynn, who is certainly still very cute, and Angela Martin, whose daughter had that horrible disease and whose dad had apparently just been killed somehow (yikes).

Sixteen-year-old David Archuleta took the stage and became the first bona fide star of Season 7 as Simon called him "incredible". Kyle Ensley returned to an apology from Simon for walking out, and he actually impressed the judges with "You Raise Me Up." (I'm still not convinced, at all, but he has the makings of a Kevin Covais-like run, I suppose). Jeffrey Lampkin bungled "A Whole New World," Season 7's first auditioner Joey Catalano awoke with a migraine and couldn't battle past it, Syesha Mercado made it despite some laryngitis. Michael Johns made it through, as did Carly Smithson, who discovered she was allergic to her dog and that's why she wasn't as good as she had known to be, and Asia'h Epperson, whom I did not recall being that hot; man, was she smokin'. Brooke Helvie, the annoying pageant queen but not-so-much-annoying singer, watched as Paula agonized over whether to put her through, and strangely, the normally acquiescent Paula couldn't play the friend this time. Brooke then cried, "I just wish I was given a fair chance," which made me think, exactly what did they have you do, girl? Sing while being waterboarded?

Finally, Drama Time, as faux-Brit Josiah Leming couldn't communicate with the band in their late night session the night before and who decided to dismiss the band from the stage prior to his final audition. He did some a cappella "Stand By Me", and it wasn't great, but the judges remembered how much they liked him from before, and the kid who lives in his car was given a pass to the next stage. Now, we're down to about 50 contestants, and that group will be whittled down to the final 24 with tomorrow's episode.

We've seen it replayed a thousand times on SportsCenter and all those other shows that recapped the Super Bowl. But for posterity, here it is one more time. This clip I'm posting here contains the most important play in Super Bowl history.

You might know that a 49ers fan is talking to you. I could very well say that Montana-to-Taylor is the most important play in Super Bowl history. But I won't. I mean, for me personally, it is. But there are a few differences between the two situations. Let's assume for a second that Manning-to-Tyree and Montana-to-Taylor are our only two options to consider as the most important play in Super Sunday history:

1. The 49ers were trailing by three points late in Super Bowl XXIII against Cincinnati. They did not need a touchdown to keep the game alive; they could have gotten a field goal to tie the game. The Giants, down 14-10, needed to score a touchdown.

2. Joe Montana's touchdown pass to John Taylor occurred on 2nd down, from the Bengals' 10-yard-line. The 49ers would have had at least one more play to go for a touchdown, or even just a first down for a new set of downs. New York faced a 3rd-down situation in their own territory in the final 90 seconds. If Eli gets sacked, they're left with just one 4th down play for the game.

3. The Bengals were not a juggernaut in 1988. They were 11-5. The 49ers were 10-6 but were favored in the Super Bowl by a touchdown. The New England Patriots, well, obviously, they were undefeated and the Giants were a big underdog and faced the task of ending the Pats' run at the first ever 19-0 season.

4. Montana was leading the 49ers down the field with what seemed like a professional ease. It almost seemed inevitable that San Francisco was going to score. Eli Manning was about to get sacked, but he managed to avoid the grasp of what seemed like six Patriots players and only then scurried away into open field. Montana threaded the needle and it was a great pass, but it was right to Taylor's hands. David Tyree needed to leap to get Manning's desperation toss, fight off Rodney Harrison, cradle the ball against his helmet, and somehow, as he was falling over backwards and having his spine bent out of whack, manage to not let the ball touch the ground. Level of difficulty: Tre-freakin'-mendous.

There aren't any other plays that so dramatically helped to alter the outcome in a Super Bowl as Manning-to-Tyree did. Lynn Swann's catch didn't change Super Bowl X's outcome. Scott Norwood would have changed the outcome of Super Bowl XXV, but he missed the field goal wide right to keep it a Giants' victory. John Elway's jaunt towards the goal line against the Packers in 1998 is a bit overrated as a dramatic play, and it didn't change the outcome anyway; the game was tied at that point.

I just don't see any other play in Super Bowl history being as important as Manning-to-Tyree. That's my case. And I think I'm right.

We all know the Patriots are going to win, right? How could they not win? It just feels like it's a done deal. Nineteen-and-oh is going to be in the books, right?

But the Giants are a good team. They've particularly done well when they were away from their home stadium. They had a long road winning streak in the regular season and have gone into Tampa, Dallas and Green Bay in the playoffs and come out winners every time. And Eli Manning has erased any doubts I had that he could be a good quarterback.

Super Bowl XLII is going to be a good game. There will be moments, especially early on, when the rumblings begin: Can the Giants actually hold onto this lead and win? (The Giants will have a lead early in the game.) At some point, Tom Brady, with his team trailing, will casually take over and march his offense down the field calmly and coolly and the Pats will have a lead in the second half.

It just feels like the 12-point spread is too high. That of course is not because the oddsmakers are saying New England is that much better. They're just trying to make sure that both sides are bet on equally. I mean, of course that's what they're doing. That's their job. That's how the sportsbooks make money. If the Patriots were made seven-point favorites, more people would bet on them than on the Giants and that could lead to the toppling of some sportsbooks.

In reality, I'd say the Patriots should be about a seven-and-a-half point favorite. A final score of 35-27 sounds about right, doesn't it? So against a 12-point spread, the Giants would cover.

But it's no fun to root on a team you predicted to win while saying to yourself, "As long as they don't cover." That's not fun. So I want to pick the Giants to win. I want to, bad. Just win it outright and give us a Joe-Namath-style upset for all-time.

I just can't though. Faithful readers might remember that I picked New England to win the Super Bowl before the season got underway. I just can't stray from that. I have to remain consistent. I said the Patriots would beat Philadelphia (Philadelphia, really?) 33-21. Now there's a 12-point spread for you. 33-21, huh? Does that sound about right?

Well, I can't predict a push. So I'm going to go ahead and go with a score that's been in my head for a week or so now, and it's going to mean that the Giants will be the winning side in a 12-point-spread bet. Patriots 33, Giants 24. (E.K. Nation has gone 3-1 all-time in Super Bowl bets, losing only last year when the Bears failed to cover the seven-point spread. And E.K. Nation is 2-0 in Super Bowls involving the Patriots. So there we go. Head out to Vegas.)

They decided to start the Miami audition episode with the Miami Vice theme song and then they showed the auditioning hopefuls singing along to "Rhythm Is Gonna Get You" by Miami Sound Machine. God, the producers are brilliant. How did they come up with that?

The featured auditions began with a girl named Shannon McHough, who works at her parents' meat market. And she also belches, loudly and often. And her singing didn't sound much better. And I could almost hear thousands of televisions being switched to the season premiere of Lost. Simon tried to end the audition by saying, "I urge you, urge you, urge you not to do this," upon which she started singing again. Never do that, kids. The only thing you will succeed at is pissing Simon off. She walked out and said, "I think I'm done with American Idol." But yeah, the judges kind of decided that for you, dear.

Robbie Carrico, a former boy-bander, came next, singing some Lynryd Skynyrd's "Simple Man", and he was quite good. After he got his three yes votes from the judges his friends Silly-Stringed him. What, was a Gatorade bucket not nearby? Also, it makes one wonder, how awkward would it have been to carry all that Silly String around if he hadn't made it?

We were treated to some short clips of very bad auditions. Then came Venezuelan guitar player Ghaleb Emachah, who unleashed upon the judges some Enrique-Iglesias-type stuff, about which Simon said he would enjoy it if he were drunk. But Randy liked it, and an apparently-generous-racist Paula agreed to put him through even though she didn't like his accent. What a sweetheart! Ghaleb then proceeded to kiss everyone in sight.

Up next were two very large black girls, one of whom said Ryahn Seacrest was the love of her life, to which Paula responded, "You're kidding!" Ah, the lovefest continues. Corliss brought some jazz stylings and Brittany did some Motown, and the judges put them through to Hollywood. The girls kissed and hugged the judges, and then Simon told them to use "both doors" on their way out. He's so kind.

Then came "single mommy" Suzanne Toon, who as such is tired of struggling and wants to find a way to succeed. Well, the first thing I would suggest is: Don't have a baby when you're 18. That's number one. Sheesh. Number two, have a good singing voice. And she kind of did, at least enough to please all three judges. I'm guessing, though, that she won't get that big break she desires. She wasn't good enough.

Next up was a very cute Asian girl named Ramiele Malubay, who looks up to Season 3's third-place finisher and Phillipinean Jasmine Trias, although I guess if you are as short as Ramiele is, you look up to just about everyone. (Ba-dum-bum.) When she said she was going to sing some Aretha Franklin, it came across as a very tall order -- no pun intended, seriously -- but for the most part she did quite well. Simon disagreed, but no matter; she was on her way to Hollywood. Syesha Mercado was next, and she has a dad who struggled with drugs, and who cares about that. She pretty much yelled Aretha Franklin's "Think". I hated it. This particular audition was way too shrill -- if she tones it down I'm sure she could be much more pleasing to my various ear parts -- but the three judges were unanimous in their appreciation for it, so off she goes to Hollywood to prove me wrong.

Natashia Blach, a 29-year-old from Colorado -- I thought 28 was the cutoff age, but never mind -- did some "At Last", and she had a very sultry voice that in its quietude was much more pleasing than Syesha's shrieking. Not to mention Natashia's very nice smile. After this we were told by Seacrest that "the girls were on a roll"; but we heard only Ilsy Lorena Pinot make it through before the commercial break. After that we saw guys Ben Hausbach, Carroy Bethea, and Grant Rhea do absolutely nothing to convince anyone that they could sell a single CD. And the wondrously-named Fabienne Hyppolite was less than wondrous as she sang something totally off-key with a finger in one of her ears, appropriately. Then Richard Valles sang through his nose and didn't make it through, and that was over with quickly, fortunately.

Apparently there was once a show called American Juniors, which I guess was an American Idol for younger kids, and Julie Dubela, 16 now but 12 when she was on that other show, came in to try out for the "adult" version of A.J. She strutted into the audition room, full of sexiness and confidence, seeming much more than just four years removed from the kids' show stuff as she strutted and diva-ed her way through a well-rehearsed performance of "Me And Bobby McGee". When Simon asked her if she'd ever been called "precocious", she said "Umm, what does that mean?" After she was given her no votes, she immediately launched into another song, which, oddly, sounded much better, because she was now reduced to focusing on her voice instead of walking around and doing various gestures with her hands, but it was too late. Julie, Julie, Julie. This isn't Zoom. You gotta know what you're getting into and audition accordingly.

Brandon Black closed the show by being a complete jackass. I have no words. They did indeed save the weirdest for last. Here's the clip:

Brandon's clip begins at about the 6:00 mark. Also, Julie's audition is on there. Enjoy, folks!

I'll have Tuesday's write-up on here sometime soon. I know you're aching for it.