E.K. NATION

If you don't know the circumstances leading up to this amazing buzzer beater by Rasheed Wallace last night, here it is: Nuggets up by 3 with about a second left. Their inbounds pass is tipped away, and Rasheed picks it up and heaves it, oh, about 60 feet. Insta-tie game. Pistons go on to win. Some of you folks might have been able to bet on Detroit minus four points. Luckiest cover ever if you got that number.

"Kids don't know shit."

If Will Forte can't make you laugh, you probably are not breathing.

"Throw the rock, Mitch!"

Maraka is my hero.

Opening Day is six days away. Time to get into the swing. Some stuff about the Giants:

Barry Bonds will hit third in the lineup this season, as he should, which I've been saying for a long time.

At least one person likes the Giants' chances this season: Ryan Klesko. Says he signed with San Francisco because he thought they would do well.

For what it's worth, Baseball Think Factory has a piece on Giants' prospect Tim Lincecum's delivery. Looks like he is about four feet from home plate when the pitch leaves his hand. Also, another quick story on him here.

Not Giants-related: I'm here in Pac-10 portion of the country (well, if you count Portland as a Pac-10 area), and just want to say congrats to the Ducks for making it to the Elite 8 and to UCLA for returning to the Final Four. Nice work.

Here's that ending. That's all there is to say.

Dear Sanjaya:

You make little girls cry when you sing.

Don't sing.

Thanks.

Sincerely,

E.K. Nation.

So that you know which teams to not bet on for the next four days, here are the official E.K. Nation Revised and Horrible NCAA Bracket Pinata predictions: In the regional finals, UNLV will beat Florida, UCLA will beat Kansas, Georgetown will take down USC, and Ohio State will beat Texas A&M.* And in the final, Ohio State will defeat UCLA.

*Actually, the new take here is that Texas A&M will beat Tennessee in the regional final, but there's that nasty prediction of Ohio State winning it all in the original Bracket Pinata that I feel I have to stick with. But in the end, just know that these predictions suck and you shouldn't take them to Vegas.

I can't remember a time when I've wanted to be the Stanley Cup. I've on occasion thought it would be cool to win it, but to be it? That never occurred to me. Until I saw these pictures of the sickeningly-hot Hayden Panettiere. Now, it's like an obsession. I know now that I really, really have needed to be the Stanley Cup, at least on the day these photos were taken. How she and the Stanley Cup are connected, I'm not sure; "Hayden Panettiere" sounds more like a hockey player whose name is on the Stanley Cup than a sizzlingly gorgeous actress, but--what? She's only 17? Well, never mind, then. No, don't never mind. We all know she's hot. Come on. It's not going to take us until August 21 to figure that out (that's her 18th birthday*, genius).

*In protest of and despite the silly "age of consent" law (pshaw!), Hayden is hereby officially enshrined in the E.K. Nation Babe Hall of Fame, first member of the Class of '07. Welcome, darling! (Arrest me, a-holes. Whatchoo gonna do?)

Somewhere on this planet is a bull named Cadillac Man.

He is my hero.

Here's why: I can't stand it when people fuck with animals for entertainment purposes. And how happy was I when this dumbass rodeo clown (the kind without the makeup, joker shoes, goofy wig and big red nose) named Ross Coleman got his ass kicked right in his face. Yes, that is the grammar I am using to describe this absolutely delightful bit of bovine whup-ass.

Think messing with animals is fun and games, asshole? Yeah, well, probably not for the animals. You got what you deserved, sucker.

Highlight: I know announcers don't want to get ahead of themselves, but come on. One of them is all, "I think Ross just took a shot. But we'll wait for confirmation." Yeah, the confirmation that he took a shot is that he looks like he was murdered by a bull. He looks like he just got picked off by a sniper. Look at him! Look look look! He looks fucking dead. Yeah, I think he took a shot. "Ohhh, you hate to see that," you say? Fuck that! I love seeing stuff like this!

And the best part is that you didn't even leave the gate! Cadillac Man just stood there after posterizing you with a casual look on his face that seemed to say, "That's how I do. Now get me some hay." Next time you see Cadillac Man, you pet him, say "good boy, and thanks fer the whuppin'," and then you leave him the fuck alone. I'm so glad that was on television, so that the entire world (thanks to YouTube) could enjoy your comic humiliation.

There is no crying in sports...unless you have the same NCAA bracket predictions as we do. In that case, the tears will flow like wine. Salut!

One thing about us that you should know when ignoring these predictions: We lose a Final Four team, every year, on the first day of the NCAA tournament. It almost always happens. We could have considered picking four Final Four teams who open the tourney on Friday, but we didn't think that far ahead. Consequently, two of our Final Four picks play in the very first group of games early Thursday morning. Hurrah, us.

MIDWEST: First Round: Florida, Arizona, Old Dominion, Maryland, Notre Dame, Oregon, Georgia Tech, Wisconsin. Second Round: Florida, Maryland, Oregon, Georgia Tech. Regional semis: Maryland, Oregon. REGIONAL CHAMPION: MARYLAND.

WEST: First Round: Kansas, Villanova, Virginia Tech, Holy Cross, VCU, Pittsburgh, Gonzaga, UCLA. Second Round: Villanova, Virginia Tech, Pittsburgh, UCLA. Regional semis: Virginia Tech, UCLA. REGIONAL CHAMPION: UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA AT LOS ANGELES.

EAST: First Round: North Carolina, Michigan State, Arkansas, New Mexico State, George Washington, Oral Roberts, Boston College, Georgetown. Second Round: North Carolina, Arkansas, George Washington, Boston College. Sweet 16: North Carolina, Boston College. REGIONAL CHAMPION: BOSTON COLLEGE.

SOUTH: First Round: Ohio State, Xavier, Tennessee, Virginia, Louisville, Texas A&M, Nevada, Memphis. Second Round: Ohio State, Tennessee, Louisville, Memphis. Sweet 16: Ohio State, Memphis. REGIONAL CHAMPION: THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY.

FINAL FOUR: Maryland defeats UCLA, Ohio State defeats Boston College.

NATIONAL CHAMPION: THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY.

So the first round upsets include VCU over Duke, Holy Cross over Southern Illinois, Old Dominion over Butler, Arkansas over USC, New Mexico State over Texas, and Oral Roberts over Washington State. Upset specials for later on include Villanova defeating Kansas and Georgia Tech beating Wisconsin in the second round; Maryland beating Florida, Oregon and UCLA in rapid succession; and Boston College getting all the way to the Final Four.

We expect that in real life, however, both Maryland and Boston College will lose in the very first session on Thursday, in keeping with our great ability to absolutely coolerize teams we pick. There is a reason this segment of the blog is called The Pinata. Except that we get no candy when our bracket gets busted.