E.K. NATION

One little strike from a blindfolded kid and this prediction could break open, leaving little candy bars all over the place. In the Western Conference finals, San Antonio will defeat Dallas, while in the Eastern Conference finals, Detroit will defeat Chicago. In the NBA Finals, the Spurs will defeat the Pistons in five. Keep in mind, I know nothing.

Forget the Sox winning, forget all the NFL and college games going on. This clip contains probably the wildest play in the history of football (with apologies to Cal and Stanford, 'cause even Cal fans know the last lateral was illegal, despite there being eighty-eight Stanford students on the field at the time):

This was a Division III game between two teams called Trinity and Millsap, I believe. Apparently Trinity used 15 laterals to go 61 yards to win on the last play, which lasted an incredible 61 seconds. I don't believe what I just saw.

Gonna do some NFL picks, plus a couple college ball picks just for the hell of it. Now that I am no longer The Cooler (I'll write something up on this in a bit. I seriously had a case of the Bernie Lootzes).

SUNDAY MORNING:

Cleveland (-3) at ST. LOUIS. I couldn't pick the Rams. Could you?
CHICAGO (-5.5) vs. Detroit. Griese, you've done a heckuva job!
Indianapolis (-7) at CAROLINA. ***SURE LOCK FIRE*** Not gonna go against Indy anymore 'til it loses.
N.Y. Giants (-10) at* MIAMI. Lucky you, England! You get to watch the worst team in the NFL stink up Wembley Stadium. Seriously, you'll be holding your nose and saying, "Damn, you wankers, please shower!" Also, lucky you, Dolphins! You need all the help you can get and then the NFL rips a home game away from you and makes you fly overseas for it. Wow. And now, here's a What-Does-"NFL"-Stand-For-Joke, as told by the Dolphins: "Not fucking London???!!!"
Oakland (+7) at TENNESSEE. Too big a spread for the Titans to handle.
Philadelphia (-1) at MINNESOTA. Comes down to QBs here. Tavaris vs. Donovan? Easy call.
Pittsburgh (-4) at CINCINNATI. Because it could easily be 44-38.

SUNDAY AFTERNOON:

N.Y. JETS (-3) vs. Buffalo. I think Chad knows he needs to perform or else he is done.
SAN DIEGO (line please?) vs. Houston. ***SURE LOCK FIRE*** The Chargers will not lose this game. Southern California, having been ravaged by that big fire, needs a pick-me-up, and they will get it. Doesn't matter what the line is: Chargers will win by at least 21 points.
Jacksonville (+4) at TAMPA BAY. This should be close. Maybe 24-21 Bucs.
New Orleans (-3) at SAN FRANCISCO. ***SURE LOCK FIRE*** It's the 49ers!
NEW ENGLAND (-17) vs. Washington. Can't think about it, just gotta call it.

MONDAY NIGHT:

As for DENVER (-3) vs. Green Bay? I'm going to say this will be a push. Broncos 27, Packers 24. How do you like that?

Last Week: 6-7-1 (1-2 on Sure Lock Fires, making it 1-5 for the year. But I am no longer The Cooler. I'll go 3-0 this week on those.)

SOME COLLEGE:

WISCONSIN (-9) vs. Indiana.
OREGON (-3) vs. Southern Cal.
TEXAS (-21) vs. Nebraska.
California (+3) at ARIZONA STATE.

It's been a while since the Cal Bears lost that ridiculous game to Oregon State. I've barely been able to talk about it since. I'll sum up my feelings henceforth (is that a word?):

It would have been much easier to take the loss if, when trailing 31-21, they just couldn't convert that long fourth-down play and if OSU had just run out the clock. Or if they couldn't get into field goal range on the very last drive. It would have been disappointing, sure, but it would have been much easier to take.

Much easier to take than having your back-up freshman quarterback stupidly try to run with the ball with no timeouts left and just under 15 seconds remaining and a number one ranking on the line, get tackled nowhere near the end zone, and watch helplessly as the field goal unit has virtually no chance to get onto the field to try for the tie. And to have several dozen screaming Beaver fans engulf your sorrow with cheers and clapping and whatnot.

They got into field-goal range, man. They had a chance. They teased me. It was the ultimate tease. It wasn't just lack of execution on that last play, it was just a stupid decision by one player that cost us the game and the #1 ranking, and, as it will eventually turn out, any chance at the BCS Championship Game. No way in hell an unheralded West Coast team like the Bears will get into that one, even if the computer is the one who decides the matchup. Even a computer is going to have East Coast bias in a case like this.

We had it, man. At least a tie. We were back in the game.

Crap!

Here are my NFL picks for the weekend:

SUNDAY MORNING:

WASHINGTON (-8.5) vs. Arizona. Rattay can't get it done, can he?
Atlanta (+8) at NEW ORLEANS. You just can't have N.O. favored by that much.
BUFFALO (+3) vs. Baltimore. Ravens have played a weak schedule so far.
MIAMI (+17) vs. NEW ENGLAND. I'm this close to saying Miami will win. But I won't.
N.Y. GIANTS (-9) vs. San Francisco. ***SURE LOCK FIRE*** It's the 49ers.
Tampa Bay (+2.5) at DETROIT. Should be a very close game.
CINCINNATI (-6) vs. N.Y. Jets. Especially if Pennington plays. He's on my fantasy team (for now).
HOUSTON (pick) vs. Tennessee. Titans' QB situation not favorable at the moment.

SUNDAY AFTERNOON:

KANSAS CITY (+3) at OAKLAND.The Chiefs are tougher than you think.
Minnesota (+10) at DALLAS. I don't think I could trust Big D with this spread.
PHILADELPHIA (-6) vs. Chicago. ***SURE LOCK FIRE*** The Bears just are not good.
SEATTLE (-8.5) vs. St. Louis. Can't take the Rams until they show me something.

SUNDAY NIGHT:

Pittsburgh (-4) at DENVER. The Steelers can be good.

MONDAY NIGHT:

JACKSONVILLE (+3.5) vs. Indianapolis. ***SURE LOCK FIRE*** Good-bye 16-0, Colts!

Last Week: 8-6 (0-3 on Sure Lock Fires, if you can believe it. I sure can.)

I used to pick NFL games on this blog when it was in its infancy. Haven't done it in a while. It's back! I know you're all rushing out to Vegas right now with this info (home team in CAPS). Also, I will pick three "Sure Lock Fires" a week (a friend of mine once said that instead of "surefire lock", and it's pretty much stuck in our circles. He also once said during a poker game, "You can't bluff if you got nothin'!"):

SUNDAY MORNING:

NEW ORLEANS (-3) vs. Carolina
KANSAS CITY (+2) vs. Jacksonville ***SURE LOCK FIRE***
WASHINGTON (-3.5) vs. Detroit
Atlanta (+8.5) at TENNESSEE
HOUSTON (-6) vs. Miami ***SURE LOCK FIRE***
Seattle (+6.5) at PITTSBURGH
NEW ENGLAND (-17) vs. Cleveland
ST. LOUIS (+3.5) vs. Arizona
N.Y. GIANTS (-4) vs. N.Y. Jets

SUNDAY AFTERNOON:

INDIANAPOLIS (-10) vs. Tampa Bay
San Diego (pick) at DENVER
Baltimore (-3.5) at SAN FRANCISCO ***SURE LOCK FIRE***

SUNDAY NIGHT:

GREEN BAY (-3.5) vs. Chicago

MONDAY NIGHT:

BUFFALO (+11) vs. Dallas

(byes: CIN, MIN, OAK, PHI)

Once September rolled around, I was starting to feel good about my World Series prediction. Last year I picked St. Louis to win it all, which they amazingly did despite my every effort to cool them by picking them to win, and a few weeks ago it was starting to look like my pre-season pick of the New York Mets was looking fantastic.

Oops.

Just three of the eight teams I predicted to make the playoffs actually got there; Philly, Cleveland and the Yankees. Nobody I picked to make the LCSes made it (Mets, Cards, Twins, A's). So let's do a new quick World Series prediction: The Indians will beat the Red Sox in the ALCS, the Diamondbacks will defeat Philadelphia to win the N.L., and Cleveland will prevail in six over Arizona in the World Series. As for MVPs? Grady Sizemore in the ALCS, Brandon Webb in the NLCS, and Victor Martinez in the Series.

Dude, I have no idea. I didn't follow hockey extensively last year. I can barely name five goalies. Picking the eight playoff teams from each conference would be an exercise in futilitousness. So this is what it's going to come down to: the Calgary Flames will defeat the New York Rangers to win the Stanley Cup next spring. As you were.