Tuesday, September 25, 2007
(SOMEONE) SHOULD BE FIRED, VOL. IV
Somebody involved with the Washington Redskins franchise has some 'splainin' to do.
On their final drive in their game against the Giants, the Redskins faced first-and-goal, down 24-17 with just under a minute left and the clock running. On first down, they spiked the ball to stop the clock.
What?
I guess I have to repeat myself. They spiked the ball. Well, there's one down wasted. With more than enough time left to run four plays. Are you kidding me????
Then, on fourth down, and the clock at about 27 seconds and counting, they rushed to the line of scrimmage to run a play. They hurried this thing badly. Why? You need to score a touchdown or you will lose. You have the whole rest of the game to figure out the play! But no, they hiked it with about 20 seconds left, Clinton Portis got the handoff and immediately fell down, probably tripping over his own lineman's feet, and that's the ballgame. Guys: You had 20 more seconds. Count out 20 seconds in your head. That's a long time; at least longer than it sounds like it would be. The broadcaster was practically screaming, "What's the rush???" Maybe Jason Campbell should have been wired to the TV booth and not the sidelines.
Result: Already told ya, baby. They lost.
Who was in charge of this debacle? He (they) should be fired.
On their final drive in their game against the Giants, the Redskins faced first-and-goal, down 24-17 with just under a minute left and the clock running. On first down, they spiked the ball to stop the clock.
What?
I guess I have to repeat myself. They spiked the ball. Well, there's one down wasted. With more than enough time left to run four plays. Are you kidding me????
Then, on fourth down, and the clock at about 27 seconds and counting, they rushed to the line of scrimmage to run a play. They hurried this thing badly. Why? You need to score a touchdown or you will lose. You have the whole rest of the game to figure out the play! But no, they hiked it with about 20 seconds left, Clinton Portis got the handoff and immediately fell down, probably tripping over his own lineman's feet, and that's the ballgame. Guys: You had 20 more seconds. Count out 20 seconds in your head. That's a long time; at least longer than it sounds like it would be. The broadcaster was practically screaming, "What's the rush???" Maybe Jason Campbell should have been wired to the TV booth and not the sidelines.
Result: Already told ya, baby. They lost.
Who was in charge of this debacle? He (they) should be fired.
Monday, September 24, 2007
RANDOM THOUGHTS
All right. Who told the NFL replay officials that a pass that never hits the ground can be called incomplete? If you officials get that call right for the 49ers (as in, call it a completed pass and down inside the Steeler ten-yard line), the texture of the game would have been completely different. Not saying San Francisco would have won, just that it would have been different.
Marcel Marceau died? I hadn't heard. (I'm wondering, though, how many people posted that same joke on the Internet.)
That's twice now that a game-winning field goal has been erased because of a coach's last-nanosecond devious calling of a timeout. Last week, the Raiders were jobbed in overtime by Mike Shanahan (and the do-over kick hit the upright and Denver wound up winning), and this week the Raiders did it to Cleveland, calling a timeout as the Browns were snapping the game-winning field goal. The do-over was blocked, and Oakland won. Screw that. Play fair.
Marcel Marceau died? I hadn't heard. (I'm wondering, though, how many people posted that same joke on the Internet.)
That's twice now that a game-winning field goal has been erased because of a coach's last-nanosecond devious calling of a timeout. Last week, the Raiders were jobbed in overtime by Mike Shanahan (and the do-over kick hit the upright and Denver wound up winning), and this week the Raiders did it to Cleveland, calling a timeout as the Browns were snapping the game-winning field goal. The do-over was blocked, and Oakland won. Screw that. Play fair.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
THERE IS NO BATTLE BETWEEN THE RED SOX AND YANKEES
Memo to everyone who thinks the Red Sox-Yankees "race" is vital:
IT'S NOT!!!
The wild-card system has made the race for second place more vital than the race for first.
The real race is between the Yankees and the Tigers, folks. All the Yankees have to do is win a few more games to make the "race" between them and the Sox totally meaningless. They'll both be in the playoffs. The only thing that will matter is home-field advantage. And that is what the Sox and Yanks are playing for. Is that really exciting? Nope. The Tigers (and let's just assume for the sake of the argument that the Mariners are not going to stop sucking right now) are the ones that the Yankees really need to pay attention to, if the Yankees can't put a few more wins away.
I try to do this at least once a year, to expose the folly of the wild-card system. I haven't done it yet this year and the season is almost over. Look at what the wild-card system prevented:
Which means this: We will never again see a game like the Bucky Dent game from 1978: a playoff game between the two outstanding teams.
Are you old enough to remember this game? If you are, do you ever recall hearing anyone say that it would be more exciting if both teams could make the playoffs? Just do away with the one-game playoff and put them both through to the postseason?
No, you didn't. Because even the stupidest of the stupid knew that that would not have made any sense.
Come on, people. Are you stupider than the stupidest of the stupid? Can you imagine the three-way race between the Red Sox, Indians and Yankees right now? I can. It would be better than the wild-card nonsense we have going on.
IT'S NOT!!!
The wild-card system has made the race for second place more vital than the race for first.
The real race is between the Yankees and the Tigers, folks. All the Yankees have to do is win a few more games to make the "race" between them and the Sox totally meaningless. They'll both be in the playoffs. The only thing that will matter is home-field advantage. And that is what the Sox and Yanks are playing for. Is that really exciting? Nope. The Tigers (and let's just assume for the sake of the argument that the Mariners are not going to stop sucking right now) are the ones that the Yankees really need to pay attention to, if the Yankees can't put a few more wins away.
I try to do this at least once a year, to expose the folly of the wild-card system. I haven't done it yet this year and the season is almost over. Look at what the wild-card system prevented:
In the A.L. East, the race would have looked like this: Boston and Cleveland tied for first at 90-62, with the Yankees 2.5 games back at 87-64.As it happens now, there is one race that will be an all-or-nothing scenario: the N.L. Central race, with the Cubs and Brewers tied for first. The second-place finisher will almost certainly not make the playoffs, so there is some urgency there. But here's the thing: These two teams are mediocre. Both are just six games above .500. That's not playoff quality. This is a prime example of a flaw in the wild-card format: The only time you'll ever see a winner-take-all division race anymore is when the teams involved are so bad that the loser wouldn't be good enough to even be close to the wild-card spot. And that's pretty bad.
In the N.L. East, the Mets, at 83-67, would lead the 82-69 Phillies by 1.5 games.
And in the N.L. West, the Diamondbacks would lead San Diego by 1.5 games. And none of the teams in thse races would have the wild-card spot to fall back on. It would be all for first: Win, or go home.
Which means this: We will never again see a game like the Bucky Dent game from 1978: a playoff game between the two outstanding teams.
Are you old enough to remember this game? If you are, do you ever recall hearing anyone say that it would be more exciting if both teams could make the playoffs? Just do away with the one-game playoff and put them both through to the postseason?
No, you didn't. Because even the stupidest of the stupid knew that that would not have made any sense.
Come on, people. Are you stupider than the stupidest of the stupid? Can you imagine the three-way race between the Red Sox, Indians and Yankees right now? I can. It would be better than the wild-card nonsense we have going on.
Monday, September 17, 2007
FOOTBALL COACHES SHOULD BE FIRED, VOLUME III
Case #1: With 3:37 left in the 4th quarter of the Texas-Central Florida game Saturday, the Longhorns, after having scored a touchdown to make the score 35-24, kicked an extra point to make it a 12-point game.
Case #2: On UCF's next possession in that game, facing fourth down and needing two scores to at least tie the game, went for it and got the first down, keeping its drive alive.
Case #3: With 28 seconds left in the Kentucky-Louisville game, the Wildcats scored a touchdown and a two-point conversion to go ahead 41-34 against the Cardinals.
Except that none of those events actually happened.
Texas coach Mack Brown dedcided for some weird reason to go for two, in order to make it a 13-point game. Memo to Coach Brown: A 12-point lead is just as good as a 13-point lead that late in the game, because the other team will have to score at least two touchdowns to get back in it. An 11-point lead means that UCF could have tied it with just a touchdown and a field goal. Use some math, man!
And why is Central Florida punting? You need the ball to win the game! Are you trying to just keep the margin of defeat down? That's no way to coach.
Case #1/#2 Result: Both teams made blunders, so they cancel each other out. But as it turned out, UCF did wind up scoring one more touchdown after a Texas fumble. Had the score been 36-30 after the touchdown, UCF would have gone for just the extra point and it would have a five-point game, necessitating another touchdown. Instead, UCF went for two after scoring and made it a three-point game. Who knows what would have happened if they'd recovered the onside kick?
As for Rich Brooks' inexplicable decision to just go for one? Well, it's just that: inexplicable. A six-point game means the extra point comes into play. In essence, if Louisville scores a touchdown, they win, due to the almost sure-thing extra point they would have made. At five points, they score and they win as well. But with a seven-point game, the extra point would have merely tied it. I feel like my readers are smart enough to know this, but apparently some coaches are not.
Case #3 Result: It was almost Karma, Baby. Louisville tried a desperation Hail Mary on the last play that was tipped and caught by a Cardinal receiver inside the 10-yard line. He didn't get into the end zone, but it was close. I wish he had made it, because Rich Brooks would have been vilified, and no coach would have been so stupid again in the future. Curses!!!
Case #2: On UCF's next possession in that game, facing fourth down and needing two scores to at least tie the game, went for it and got the first down, keeping its drive alive.
Case #3: With 28 seconds left in the Kentucky-Louisville game, the Wildcats scored a touchdown and a two-point conversion to go ahead 41-34 against the Cardinals.
Except that none of those events actually happened.
Texas coach Mack Brown dedcided for some weird reason to go for two, in order to make it a 13-point game. Memo to Coach Brown: A 12-point lead is just as good as a 13-point lead that late in the game, because the other team will have to score at least two touchdowns to get back in it. An 11-point lead means that UCF could have tied it with just a touchdown and a field goal. Use some math, man!
And why is Central Florida punting? You need the ball to win the game! Are you trying to just keep the margin of defeat down? That's no way to coach.
Case #1/#2 Result: Both teams made blunders, so they cancel each other out. But as it turned out, UCF did wind up scoring one more touchdown after a Texas fumble. Had the score been 36-30 after the touchdown, UCF would have gone for just the extra point and it would have a five-point game, necessitating another touchdown. Instead, UCF went for two after scoring and made it a three-point game. Who knows what would have happened if they'd recovered the onside kick?
As for Rich Brooks' inexplicable decision to just go for one? Well, it's just that: inexplicable. A six-point game means the extra point comes into play. In essence, if Louisville scores a touchdown, they win, due to the almost sure-thing extra point they would have made. At five points, they score and they win as well. But with a seven-point game, the extra point would have merely tied it. I feel like my readers are smart enough to know this, but apparently some coaches are not.
Case #3 Result: It was almost Karma, Baby. Louisville tried a desperation Hail Mary on the last play that was tipped and caught by a Cardinal receiver inside the 10-yard line. He didn't get into the end zone, but it was close. I wish he had made it, because Rich Brooks would have been vilified, and no coach would have been so stupid again in the future. Curses!!!
Friday, September 14, 2007
"NOW WHAT?" IS RIGHT
Nothing like an NBA Draft to convince Blazer fans that once again their team might have blown it.
We're all saying to ourselves, and to anyone else who will listen, "This can't be possible."
Is there a Blazer fan alive who is not thinking back to the 1984 NBA Draft, when the Blazers passed on somebody named Jordan to take a habitually-injured-and-broken Sam Bowie?
The two situations are different, though. Sam Bowie was, at least the way I remember it, a very soft, David Robinson-type player. I don't remember him ever doing anything that looked strong. He just happened to be tall, and that seemed to be about it. And another thing that sticks in my memory is that I knew right then, at the ripe old age of 12, that Michael Jordan was the better pick...by far. I wasn't thinking Jordan would eventually be the greatest basketball player ever, but I still knew. There was something not right about picking Bowie over Jordan.
At the time of this summer's draft, I was thinking about how powerful Greg Oden could be on the court, not about how he had had some injury problems and might be a suspect #1 pick, especially with Texas's explosive Kevin Durant looming as another possible choice. And probably most Blazer fans weren't either; they stormed the court at the Rose Garden upon David Stern's announcement that the Blazers had taken Ohio State's big man #1 in the draft.
Now that Oden will miss the 2007-08 NBA season due to cartilege damage in his knee, however, the more this case looks -- at least for the next year -- like a rerun of the Bowie-Jordan debacle. Oden missed a lot of summer ball due to injuries and some bad tonsils or something. I now recall those events a lot clearer than I did on Draft Day, and maybe, just maybe, it's shades of Sam Bowie all over again.
And to make matters worse, the #2 pick in the draft, Durant, who went to the Seattle Sonics, is starting to seem like...ahem...the next Michael Jordan.
The Blazers were on their way up. And though the Western Conference is an absolute minefield to get through on the way to the NBA playoffs, their chances still looked better. Way better than after last year's draft and subsequent transactions that brought a few talented youngsters our way. And it was all because of one man, one gigantic man. This man was actually happy to be in Portland and appeared ready to help this city get out of the basketball doldrums that players such as Rasheed Wallace and Darius Miles and Zach Randolph and Qyntel Woods had dragged it into.
After yesterday's surgery that sidelined him for the year, all that's left for Oden to do at this point is to say, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," over and over. Even though, as general manager Kevin Pritchard acknowledged in the press conference, it's not Oden's fault, Pritchard said Oden was genuinely concerned about the franchise's immediate future. Blazermania was back -- and now it's taken a big hit right to the gut.
Time will tell whether Oden will save the Blazers. At least one year's worth. All we can do as Blazer fans is hope that we don't have to suffer a new bad beat for the next 23 years.
Football Coaches Should Be Fired, Volume II: On the first drive of the Patriots-Jets game, the Jets faced 4th-and-1 at New England's 46-yard line. With just one yard to go, Coach Eric Mangini, showing faith in his team's offense, decided to go for it, and with a strong rush up the middle, they got the first down and continued their drive.
Except that that didn't happen.
The Jets punted. I know it's early in the game, but that's just it: It's early in the game. Go for it. If you fail, you have plenty of time to get back into the swing of things. Be aggressive. Show your team you have confidence in it. RESULT: Karma, baby. The Patriots got the ball back on the punt and within five minutes had themselves a touchdown. And the Jets lost 38-14.
Fantasy Football Week 1 Review: Upon completion of every fantasy week, I shall sum up my feelings about said week with a quote from the greatest TV program ever made by humans, Arrested Development. This week's quote is simple:
"I'M A MONSTER!!!"
Thank you to fantasy football for allowing me the opportunity to become a garish, profane, behaviorally-challenged Gong Show. I found myself yelling at Peyton Manning for not looking at Marvin Harrison enough. I grew a bit hoarse for a minute. Chad Pennington's injury bothered me greatly, but not because it affected the Jets. It's because I felt Jerricho Cotchery might not get as many receptions. For cryin' out loud, what is that about? I hurled my hat towards a wall. Later I vomited up some chicken-chili-looking stuff when I saw the Family Band Solution drop from 2nd place to 7th as Tony F-ing Romo and Eli F-ing Manning suddenly turned into the Harlem Globetrotters -- not the Harlem Globetrotters who are actual humans who merely play eye-catching basketball in the real world but the "Super Globetrotters" of that 1970s cartoon show who would play against evil villains and get slaughtered in the first half and then at halftime hop into their magic lockers and bounce around inside them and then turn into stretchy and muscular-y superheroes with names like Gizmo Man and Spaghetti Man who would score every time they touched the ball and always won on a last-second dunk in order to save the world. Yeah, THOSE Harlem Globetrotters. I swear I am not making this up.
Yes, I have changed. I'm a monster. A fantasy football monster.
And I kind of like it.
We're all saying to ourselves, and to anyone else who will listen, "This can't be possible."
Is there a Blazer fan alive who is not thinking back to the 1984 NBA Draft, when the Blazers passed on somebody named Jordan to take a habitually-injured-and-broken Sam Bowie?
The two situations are different, though. Sam Bowie was, at least the way I remember it, a very soft, David Robinson-type player. I don't remember him ever doing anything that looked strong. He just happened to be tall, and that seemed to be about it. And another thing that sticks in my memory is that I knew right then, at the ripe old age of 12, that Michael Jordan was the better pick...by far. I wasn't thinking Jordan would eventually be the greatest basketball player ever, but I still knew. There was something not right about picking Bowie over Jordan.
At the time of this summer's draft, I was thinking about how powerful Greg Oden could be on the court, not about how he had had some injury problems and might be a suspect #1 pick, especially with Texas's explosive Kevin Durant looming as another possible choice. And probably most Blazer fans weren't either; they stormed the court at the Rose Garden upon David Stern's announcement that the Blazers had taken Ohio State's big man #1 in the draft.
Now that Oden will miss the 2007-08 NBA season due to cartilege damage in his knee, however, the more this case looks -- at least for the next year -- like a rerun of the Bowie-Jordan debacle. Oden missed a lot of summer ball due to injuries and some bad tonsils or something. I now recall those events a lot clearer than I did on Draft Day, and maybe, just maybe, it's shades of Sam Bowie all over again.
And to make matters worse, the #2 pick in the draft, Durant, who went to the Seattle Sonics, is starting to seem like...ahem...the next Michael Jordan.
The Blazers were on their way up. And though the Western Conference is an absolute minefield to get through on the way to the NBA playoffs, their chances still looked better. Way better than after last year's draft and subsequent transactions that brought a few talented youngsters our way. And it was all because of one man, one gigantic man. This man was actually happy to be in Portland and appeared ready to help this city get out of the basketball doldrums that players such as Rasheed Wallace and Darius Miles and Zach Randolph and Qyntel Woods had dragged it into.
After yesterday's surgery that sidelined him for the year, all that's left for Oden to do at this point is to say, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," over and over. Even though, as general manager Kevin Pritchard acknowledged in the press conference, it's not Oden's fault, Pritchard said Oden was genuinely concerned about the franchise's immediate future. Blazermania was back -- and now it's taken a big hit right to the gut.
Time will tell whether Oden will save the Blazers. At least one year's worth. All we can do as Blazer fans is hope that we don't have to suffer a new bad beat for the next 23 years.
Football Coaches Should Be Fired, Volume II: On the first drive of the Patriots-Jets game, the Jets faced 4th-and-1 at New England's 46-yard line. With just one yard to go, Coach Eric Mangini, showing faith in his team's offense, decided to go for it, and with a strong rush up the middle, they got the first down and continued their drive.
Except that that didn't happen.
The Jets punted. I know it's early in the game, but that's just it: It's early in the game. Go for it. If you fail, you have plenty of time to get back into the swing of things. Be aggressive. Show your team you have confidence in it. RESULT: Karma, baby. The Patriots got the ball back on the punt and within five minutes had themselves a touchdown. And the Jets lost 38-14.
Fantasy Football Week 1 Review: Upon completion of every fantasy week, I shall sum up my feelings about said week with a quote from the greatest TV program ever made by humans, Arrested Development. This week's quote is simple:
"I'M A MONSTER!!!"
Thank you to fantasy football for allowing me the opportunity to become a garish, profane, behaviorally-challenged Gong Show. I found myself yelling at Peyton Manning for not looking at Marvin Harrison enough. I grew a bit hoarse for a minute. Chad Pennington's injury bothered me greatly, but not because it affected the Jets. It's because I felt Jerricho Cotchery might not get as many receptions. For cryin' out loud, what is that about? I hurled my hat towards a wall. Later I vomited up some chicken-chili-looking stuff when I saw the Family Band Solution drop from 2nd place to 7th as Tony F-ing Romo and Eli F-ing Manning suddenly turned into the Harlem Globetrotters -- not the Harlem Globetrotters who are actual humans who merely play eye-catching basketball in the real world but the "Super Globetrotters" of that 1970s cartoon show who would play against evil villains and get slaughtered in the first half and then at halftime hop into their magic lockers and bounce around inside them and then turn into stretchy and muscular-y superheroes with names like Gizmo Man and Spaghetti Man who would score every time they touched the ball and always won on a last-second dunk in order to save the world. Yeah, THOSE Harlem Globetrotters. I swear I am not making this up.
Yes, I have changed. I'm a monster. A fantasy football monster.
And I kind of like it.
Friday, September 7, 2007
FOOTBALL COACHES SHOULD BE FIRED
Case #1: With 14:46 left in the 4th quarter of the Louisville-Middle Tennessee State game last night, MTSU, after having scored a touchdown to make the score 51-41, went for a two-point conversion and completed it to pull within eight points.
Case #2: With just under 13 minutes left in the 4th quarter of the Colts-Saints game last night, and the Saints facing a 4th-and-1 situation while trailing by 17 points, went for the first down and got it with a strong rush up the middle.
Except that neither of those events actually happened.
Middle Tennessee State coach Rick Stockstill decided to go for just the extra point, turning a two-possession game into...a two-possession game. Memo to Mr. Stockstill: If you score a touchdown to bring your team's deficit to ten points, go for the two-pointer to make it an eight-point game. That way, when you get the ball back, you have a chance to tie the game on that possession. I know there was a full quarter of play left, but take a chance! There have been over 90 points scored in the game! You just might be able to make up the missed one-point later on!
Case #1 Result: Karma, baby. The Blue Raiders scored zero more points the rest of the game.
Saints coach Sean Payton, showing 1) no faith in his offense and 2) no desire to win the game whatsoever, decided to punt the ball back to the Colts. Because the one thing to want to do when you only have to go one yard for a first down in an attempt to come back from a 17-point deficit...is give the ball back to your opponent. Memo to Mr. Payton: Actually, there's nothing I can say here. If you don't get it now, you won't get it later.
Case #2 Result: Karma, baby. The Saints scored zero more points the rest of the game.
Please tell me this is the first and only installment of Football Coaches Should Be Fired that E.K. Nation will have to write. Football coaches can not be this dumb, can they?
Case #2: With just under 13 minutes left in the 4th quarter of the Colts-Saints game last night, and the Saints facing a 4th-and-1 situation while trailing by 17 points, went for the first down and got it with a strong rush up the middle.
Except that neither of those events actually happened.
Middle Tennessee State coach Rick Stockstill decided to go for just the extra point, turning a two-possession game into...a two-possession game. Memo to Mr. Stockstill: If you score a touchdown to bring your team's deficit to ten points, go for the two-pointer to make it an eight-point game. That way, when you get the ball back, you have a chance to tie the game on that possession. I know there was a full quarter of play left, but take a chance! There have been over 90 points scored in the game! You just might be able to make up the missed one-point later on!
Case #1 Result: Karma, baby. The Blue Raiders scored zero more points the rest of the game.
Saints coach Sean Payton, showing 1) no faith in his offense and 2) no desire to win the game whatsoever, decided to punt the ball back to the Colts. Because the one thing to want to do when you only have to go one yard for a first down in an attempt to come back from a 17-point deficit...is give the ball back to your opponent. Memo to Mr. Payton: Actually, there's nothing I can say here. If you don't get it now, you won't get it later.
Case #2 Result: Karma, baby. The Saints scored zero more points the rest of the game.
Please tell me this is the first and only installment of Football Coaches Should Be Fired that E.K. Nation will have to write. Football coaches can not be this dumb, can they?
Thursday, September 6, 2007
E.K. NATION'S 2007 NFL PREDICTIONS PAJAMA PARTY
Gonna do something different this year. Instead of issuing a disclaimer saying this picks will be wrong as they always are, I'm going to say these picks will be 100% accurate. Let's see if that changes anything.
NATIONAL CONFERENCE:
NATIONAL CONFERENCE:
THE DIVISION CHAMPIONS (in order of finish):
THE WILD CARDS:
NFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME:
def.
AMERICAN CONFERENCE:THE DIVISION CHAMPIONS:
THE WILD CARDS:
AFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME:
def.
SUPER BOWL XLII:
33, 21.
Sunday, September 2, 2007
BIG DAY IN SPORTS
Lots of stuff happened yesterday. Starting with the ridiculous (Appalachian State's upset of #5 Michigan, making the rest of Michigan's season a complete waste)...
...to the sublime (Clay Buchholz throwing a no-hitter for Boston in his second major league start)...
...to the spectacular (our boy Desean Jackson dodging approximately every Tennessee Volunteer on his way to a 77-yard touchdown return, as the G-Bears redeem themselves)...
Quite a good day. But with the no-hitter, I must appoint a new E.K. Nation's Next Pitcher To Throw A No-Hitter™. Dan Haren obviously wasn't the right man for the job. But how was I to know it would be Clay Buchholz? Anyway, Haren steps down, and in his place, ta da! It's a Giant: Matt Cain. Good luck, Matty.
