Tuesday, July 24, 2007
"WHO'S NOW?" WHO CARES?
I'd like to talk to you for a moment about "Who's Now?", ESPN's derivative stupid-fest wherein "fans and ESPN.com users will help "SportsCenter" determine the ultimate sports star by considering both on-field success and off-field buzz." Presumably, the second part comes first.
First of all, who cares?
Second of all, who cares?
We already know who is talked about and who isn't. We know who is good and who isn't. We know who people care about and who we don't care about.
Stuart Scott just needs something to do, I suppose.
A month or so ago, Page 2 introduced this little feature with a list of 32 athletes who could be the most "Now".
Just to show you how utterly stupid this whole thing is, Michael Phelps is on the list.
Nothing against swimmers. It's tough being an elite swimmer. But "off-field buzz" is one of the categories. There's only one other category, success in that person's sport. Phelps excels at one and garners practically zero of the other. When was the last time you discussed with your friends the latest medal won by a swimmer, any swimmer, let alone Phelps? That's right. Never.
Same with Shaun White. The last time I heard one of my friends, or anyone at all for that matter, mention within my earshot Shaun White's name...was never. Danica Patrick? Again...we don't talk about her. She's the Anna Kournikova of auto racing -- she's a cute girl who never wins -- and she's only getting buzz 'cause there aren't any other hotties doing this. Ronaldhino? You gotta be kidding me. Most people don't know who that is, although with that one-word name, I'm sure they could guess soccer. Roger Federer doesn't even get any talk-time in my crowd and he's pretty much the greatest tennis player ever.
I caught Stu Scott discussing a matchup between Tom Brady and Maria Sharapova. Stuey asked his panelists -- Adam Sandler, Kevin James and Mike Greenberg -- who would you rather invite to a party, Tom or Maria?
This is a sports network?
Well, I guess in their defense, ESPN stands for "Entertainment and Sports Programming Network." But this crap really isn't entertaining, either. This stuff belongs on E!, not ESPN.
And by the way, Barry Bonds lost to Jeff Gordon in the first round vote of "Who's Now?".
I'll repeat that, because it bears the redundancy of repetitive repetition: Barry Bonds lost in the first round.
As Duff Man might say, "making the other rounds a complete waste." Barry Bonds is the buzziest buzz that ever buzzed, at least at the moment. There's like a home run chase, and steroids involved maybe, and that's only the biggest topic in sports (besides crooked NBA referees) (oh, and dog-killing) (ain't sports great?), and everyone either loves him or hates him and mostly hates him, and they all want to see him hit home runs, and they can't stop talking about him. He has his own ESPN reporter assigned to cover him. Jeff Gordon is getting more attention? Nope. He's not. "Who's Now?" is dumb. Dumb-da-dumb-dumb.
(Happy birthday, Barry, by the way.)
And speaking of Barry, here's a birthday gift for ya, dude: Bud Selig will be at your next game and will try to be at more of your games while you chase down Hank Aaron.
Yeah, way to take a stand, Bud. And for further hilarity, this is how Bud addressed the issue, and I have italicized and emboldened and embiggened (it's a perfectly cromulent word) the fun part for your benefit: "Out of respect for the tradition of this game, the magnitude of the record,and the fact that all citizens in this country are innocent until proven guilty , I will attend Barry Bonds' next games to observe his potential tying and breaking of the home run record, subject to my commitments to the Hall of Fame this weekend."
Bring out the party favors!
It must be pointed out that A-Rod is going to break the record eventually. Barry will have maybe only eight or nine years at most to enjoy being first on the all-time homer list and that will be it. You will survive, Bud.
First of all, who cares?
Second of all, who cares?
We already know who is talked about and who isn't. We know who is good and who isn't. We know who people care about and who we don't care about.
Stuart Scott just needs something to do, I suppose.
A month or so ago, Page 2 introduced this little feature with a list of 32 athletes who could be the most "Now".
Just to show you how utterly stupid this whole thing is, Michael Phelps is on the list.
Nothing against swimmers. It's tough being an elite swimmer. But "off-field buzz" is one of the categories. There's only one other category, success in that person's sport. Phelps excels at one and garners practically zero of the other. When was the last time you discussed with your friends the latest medal won by a swimmer, any swimmer, let alone Phelps? That's right. Never.
Same with Shaun White. The last time I heard one of my friends, or anyone at all for that matter, mention within my earshot Shaun White's name...was never. Danica Patrick? Again...we don't talk about her. She's the Anna Kournikova of auto racing -- she's a cute girl who never wins -- and she's only getting buzz 'cause there aren't any other hotties doing this. Ronaldhino? You gotta be kidding me. Most people don't know who that is, although with that one-word name, I'm sure they could guess soccer. Roger Federer doesn't even get any talk-time in my crowd and he's pretty much the greatest tennis player ever.
I caught Stu Scott discussing a matchup between Tom Brady and Maria Sharapova. Stuey asked his panelists -- Adam Sandler, Kevin James and Mike Greenberg -- who would you rather invite to a party, Tom or Maria?
This is a sports network?
Well, I guess in their defense, ESPN stands for "Entertainment and Sports Programming Network." But this crap really isn't entertaining, either. This stuff belongs on E!, not ESPN.
And by the way, Barry Bonds lost to Jeff Gordon in the first round vote of "Who's Now?".
I'll repeat that, because it bears the redundancy of repetitive repetition: Barry Bonds lost in the first round.
As Duff Man might say, "making the other rounds a complete waste." Barry Bonds is the buzziest buzz that ever buzzed, at least at the moment. There's like a home run chase, and steroids involved maybe, and that's only the biggest topic in sports (besides crooked NBA referees) (oh, and dog-killing) (ain't sports great?), and everyone either loves him or hates him and mostly hates him, and they all want to see him hit home runs, and they can't stop talking about him. He has his own ESPN reporter assigned to cover him. Jeff Gordon is getting more attention? Nope. He's not. "Who's Now?" is dumb. Dumb-da-dumb-dumb.
(Happy birthday, Barry, by the way.)
And speaking of Barry, here's a birthday gift for ya, dude: Bud Selig will be at your next game and will try to be at more of your games while you chase down Hank Aaron.
Yeah, way to take a stand, Bud. And for further hilarity, this is how Bud addressed the issue, and I have italicized and emboldened and embiggened (it's a perfectly cromulent word) the fun part for your benefit: "Out of respect for the tradition of this game, the magnitude of the record,
Bring out the party favors!
It must be pointed out that A-Rod is going to break the record eventually. Barry will have maybe only eight or nine years at most to enjoy being first on the all-time homer list and that will be it. You will survive, Bud.
