Monday, July 9, 2007
HOME RUN DERBY PREDICTIONS
Here's what will happen during tonight's Home Run Derby at AT&T Park in San Francisco:
The Derby will be interesting until the first batter finishes his turn. Then the fans and viewers all across the country will be reminded that this is all the Home Run Derby is: Baseball players hitting balls over the fences. Interest in the derby will...hmm, let's say wane, and not wax.
Chris Berman will, while describing home runs, say the word "back" 224 times. However, knowing the exact count will entail watching, and listening to, every single moment of the broadcast. I'm afraid I will never know how close I was.
Berman will also, when describing mammoth clouts, say the names of several nearby cities and landmarks ("Oh! He hit that one a ton! Back, back, back...It's headed for Oakland!!"). For the shorter ones, he'll also bring out Sausalito, Berkeley, and maybe even Yerba Buena Island. For the special, well-driven no-doubt home runs, he'll refer to Mill Valley and Walnut Creek. Take a drink when he mentions Oakland, which is a given, and a shot for each of the lesser-known other place names I have predicted. You need somethinginteresting to do, dontcha?
Also, someone will win a house from Century 21, and the jerseys worn tonight will be atrociously atrocious-looking.
