E.K. NATION

I'd like to talk to you for a moment about "Who's Now?", ESPN's derivative stupid-fest wherein "fans and ESPN.com users will help "SportsCenter" determine the ultimate sports star by considering both on-field success and off-field buzz." Presumably, the second part comes first.

First of all, who cares?

Second of all, who cares?

We already know who is talked about and who isn't. We know who is good and who isn't. We know who people care about and who we don't care about.

Stuart Scott just needs something to do, I suppose.

A month or so ago, Page 2 introduced this little feature with a list of 32 athletes who could be the most "Now".

Just to show you how utterly stupid this whole thing is, Michael Phelps is on the list.

Nothing against swimmers. It's tough being an elite swimmer. But "off-field buzz" is one of the categories. There's only one other category, success in that person's sport. Phelps excels at one and garners practically zero of the other. When was the last time you discussed with your friends the latest medal won by a swimmer, any swimmer, let alone Phelps? That's right. Never.

Same with Shaun White. The last time I heard one of my friends, or anyone at all for that matter, mention within my earshot Shaun White's name...was never. Danica Patrick? Again...we don't talk about her. She's the Anna Kournikova of auto racing -- she's a cute girl who never wins -- and she's only getting buzz 'cause there aren't any other hotties doing this. Ronaldhino? You gotta be kidding me. Most people don't know who that is, although with that one-word name, I'm sure they could guess soccer. Roger Federer doesn't even get any talk-time in my crowd and he's pretty much the greatest tennis player ever.

I caught Stu Scott discussing a matchup between Tom Brady and Maria Sharapova. Stuey asked his panelists -- Adam Sandler, Kevin James and Mike Greenberg -- who would you rather invite to a party, Tom or Maria?

This is a sports network?

Well, I guess in their defense, ESPN stands for "Entertainment and Sports Programming Network." But this crap really isn't entertaining, either. This stuff belongs on E!, not ESPN.

And by the way, Barry Bonds lost to Jeff Gordon in the first round vote of "Who's Now?".

I'll repeat that, because it bears the redundancy of repetitive repetition: Barry Bonds lost in the first round.

As Duff Man might say, "making the other rounds a complete waste." Barry Bonds is the buzziest buzz that ever buzzed, at least at the moment. There's like a home run chase, and steroids involved maybe, and that's only the biggest topic in sports (besides crooked NBA referees) (oh, and dog-killing) (ain't sports great?), and everyone either loves him or hates him and mostly hates him, and they all want to see him hit home runs, and they can't stop talking about him. He has his own ESPN reporter assigned to cover him. Jeff Gordon is getting more attention? Nope. He's not. "Who's Now?" is dumb. Dumb-da-dumb-dumb.

(Happy birthday, Barry, by the way.)

And speaking of Barry, here's a birthday gift for ya, dude: Bud Selig will be at your next game and will try to be at more of your games while you chase down Hank Aaron.

Yeah, way to take a stand, Bud. And for further hilarity, this is how Bud addressed the issue, and I have italicized and emboldened and embiggened (it's a perfectly cromulent word) the fun part for your benefit: "Out of respect for the tradition of this game, the magnitude of the record, and the fact that all citizens in this country are innocent until proven guilty, I will attend Barry Bonds' next games to observe his potential tying and breaking of the home run record, subject to my commitments to the Hall of Fame this weekend."

Bring out the party favors!

It must be pointed out that A-Rod is going to break the record eventually. Barry will have maybe only eight or nine years at most to enjoy being first on the all-time homer list and that will be it. You will survive, Bud.

Dear Mr. Selig,

You're blowing it, Bud.

Why are you not doing whatever you can to promote Barry Bonds' pursuit of the all-time home run record? You're the commissioner of baseball. Your position requires you to be an ambassador for the game. You need to be in the park -- whichever park it is -- when Barry Bonds breaks the record.

What are you worried about, Bud? That the image of baseball has been, or will be, tarnished in some way by Barry's holding the record? How could you possibly be worried about the tarnishing of the game? After all, you're the commissioner who did nothing to prevent the strike in 1994 that cancelled the World Series.

Fortunately for you, Cal Ripken bailed you out and brought the fans together again the next year with his consecutive-games-played streak. And then -- irony of ironies -- you sat in your commissioner's box with glee as Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa, one of whom was already embroiled in a steroids controversy and the other of whom would suffer the same ignominy within a few years, captured the nation's attention with the home run chase of 1998.

Now all of a sudden, you're worried?

Is it because McGwire and Sosa were generally likeable guys, and Bonds is generally, shall we say, not?

Or is it truly because of the steroid issue? You do know, Bud, that Barry Bonds has never tested positive for illegal steroids. Don't you?

Clean-up on Aisle Common Sense!

Why can't you embrace the breaking of what just might be the most hallowed sports record of all-time? Why turn it into something resembling the aftermath of a car wreck? "Move along, folks, nothing to see here, it's nasty."

Bud, you've been a bad commissioner for years. From the strike, to your institution of the wild-card system, to your conflict of interest regarding your family's ownership of the Brewers, to your 2002 All-Star Game nightmare, you've been involved in things that have messed with the integrity of Major League Baseball on various levels. Now you're trying to make those of us who regard you with skepticism at best and scorn at worst forget about you and concentrate on someone else, some dastardly demon who is at the ready to do you one better (or worse, as the case may be)?

Forget it. You're a hypocrite. You once embraced a chase for a home-run record while a steroid possibility floated in the air, and now you've completely flip-flopped. Maybe because you figure since most baseball fans don't like Bonds, you're safe with this one, just as you were in 1998 when people enjoyed Mark and Sammy's on-the-field exploits and you went along with it.

Maybe Barry Bonds did use steroids once. I'm sure there are other great things done in baseball by great players who were on the stuff at the time. Why is now the exception?

Anyway, I can't write any words to you. You're making me focus on the negatives. Maybe that's what you want, for whatever reason. Barry's almost up again, and I'm going to be watching when Fox cuts to the game.

Sincerely,

E.K.

P.S. GO BARRY!

At 3:01 p.m. PDT, a further postscript...The fans in Milwaukee have been booing Barry Bonds during his at-bats and chanting such things as "Steroids! Seroids!"...but then when Ned Yost had Bonds intentionally walked in the eighth inning with a man on second, the fans booed the walk. Yeah, okay. You don't want him to break the record, but you still want to see him hit home runs?

We all know you want Barry to break the record. The fans at Wrigley Field stood up in awe and cheered when Barry went deep a couple of days ago.

We all know. You want it both ways.

Pick a side, fans. And stay there.

At 3:08 p.m., another postscript...Oh, you best BELIEVE I got a take on the Michael Vick situation. It's just that it's so disturbing that I have a difficult time thinking about it. Yeah, way more so than the Selig deal. If the charges are true, Vick makes Bud Selig look like 53 Santa Clauses (Clausi?). Maybe I'll delve deeper into this topic. But the subject of dogs dying is not a happy one for me. So maybe I will, maybe I won't.

OH....and by the way...happy birthday E.K. Nation. You turned four years old today. Four years I've been doing this? Sheeeeeesh. It sure doesn't seem like it.

Here's what will happen during tonight's Home Run Derby at AT&T Park in San Francisco:

The Derby will be interesting until the first batter finishes his turn. Then the fans and viewers all across the country will be reminded that this is all the Home Run Derby is: Baseball players hitting balls over the fences. Interest in the derby will...hmm, let's say wane, and not wax.

Chris Berman will, while describing home runs, say the word "back" 224 times. However, knowing the exact count will entail watching, and listening to, every single moment of the broadcast. I'm afraid I will never know how close I was.

Berman will also, when describing mammoth clouts, say the names of several nearby cities and landmarks ("Oh! He hit that one a ton! Back, back, back...It's headed for Oakland!!"). For the shorter ones, he'll also bring out Sausalito, Berkeley, and maybe even Yerba Buena Island. For the special, well-driven no-doubt home runs, he'll refer to Mill Valley and Walnut Creek. Take a drink when he mentions Oakland, which is a given, and a shot for each of the lesser-known other place names I have predicted. You need somethinginteresting to do, dontcha?

Also, someone will win a house from Century 21, and the jerseys worn tonight will be atrociously atrocious-looking.

There's lots to talk about right now, and let's start with this: Make no mistake about it, Blazermania is back.

At the Blazers' draft party inside the Rose Garden arena, upon the announcement of Greg Oden as the team's #1 draft pick, the fans actually stormed the court. That happens when championships are won, not on draft day. Well, this year it happened on draft day in Portland. The franchise is re-introducing Blazermania to Portland, and the fans are up to the idea of keeping it going.

Zach Randolph is gone, having been dealt to the Knicks during draft day along with local favorites Dan Dickau and Fred Jones. And while the Blazers didn't get a whole lot of value in return (Channing Frye and Steve Francis), they got rid of their last real cancer (assuming Darius Miles won't return, and odds are he won't). The trade is good for a team that is starting to shed the "Jail Blazers" label.

On to baseball: During draft day we learned that Craig Biggio got his 3,000th hit and Frank Thomas hit his 500th home run. And this was kind of weird: Biggio was thrown out at second on the hit, and Thomas was thrown out of the game later on for arguing with the umpire.

Barry Bonds managed to squeak past Alfonso Soriano and come in third in the All-Star voting, meaning he will start the game in San Francisco, on July 10. And he deserves it, if only because of a sort of career-recognition honorary thing. He still has good enough stats to warrant being voted in by the fans anyway.