Friday, May 25, 2007
Josh Hancock's Father Is A Jerkoff
To recap:
Josh Hancock, pitcher for the St. Louis Cardinals, was killed in a car accident on the morning of April 29. He 1) was drunk, 2) was speeding, 3) was talking on a cell phone, 4) wasn't wearing a seatbelt, and maybe, just maybe, he 5) was high on pot, as marijuana was found in the car.
But according to his father, Dean Hancock, Josh is not to blame.
Instead, here is who is at fault: the restaurant where he drank for three-and-a-half hours, the tow truck company whose truck Josh crashed into, and the driver of the car that stalled on the highway causing the presence of the tow truck.
And "untimely"? Tell me, Dean-O, when isa good time to get drunk, drive fast and crash into a tow truck, huh? Seems to me that that is the perfect time to die.
Goddammit, I tell you what, man. If I were the driver of the car that stalled and you sued me for causing your son's death, I could give you a real reason to sue me: I'd kick your ass from head to toe and leave you in a bloody mess on the ground and leave you for dead. That's what I could do. But then you wouldn't actually be able to justify suing me, because it wouldn't have been my fault. I could then sue you for causing me to want to kick your ass.
You epitomize everything that is wrong with society. I did something stupid? Not my fault! Who can I sue?
Dean-O, I got news for you: Your son is to blame. And he's already been embarrassed enough as it is, what with killing himself in a drunken stupor. Don't embarrass him any further by involving him in your stupid shit.
Josh Hancock, pitcher for the St. Louis Cardinals, was killed in a car accident on the morning of April 29. He 1) was drunk, 2) was speeding, 3) was talking on a cell phone, 4) wasn't wearing a seatbelt, and maybe, just maybe, he 5) was high on pot, as marijuana was found in the car.
But according to his father, Dean Hancock, Josh is not to blame.
Instead, here is who is at fault: the restaurant where he drank for three-and-a-half hours, the tow truck company whose truck Josh crashed into, and the driver of the car that stalled on the highway causing the presence of the tow truck.
As administrator of his son’s estate, Dean Hancock said he has an obligation to represent the family on all issues, “including any legal actions necessary against those who contributed to the untimely and unnecessary death.”Hell, why stop there? Why not sue the taxi companies that didn't come to the restaurant because they weren't called by a drunk who was about to drive? Why not sue the road crew that laid down the asphalt that created the road your son drove on? Hey! Why not sue me? After all, I did nothing to stop your son from getting into his car.
And "untimely"? Tell me, Dean-O, when isa good time to get drunk, drive fast and crash into a tow truck, huh? Seems to me that that is the perfect time to die.
Goddammit, I tell you what, man. If I were the driver of the car that stalled and you sued me for causing your son's death, I could give you a real reason to sue me: I'd kick your ass from head to toe and leave you in a bloody mess on the ground and leave you for dead. That's what I could do. But then you wouldn't actually be able to justify suing me, because it wouldn't have been my fault. I could then sue you for causing me to want to kick your ass.
You epitomize everything that is wrong with society. I did something stupid? Not my fault! Who can I sue?
Dean-O, I got news for you: Your son is to blame. And he's already been embarrassed enough as it is, what with killing himself in a drunken stupor. Don't embarrass him any further by involving him in your stupid shit.
***
And now, to keep my blood pressure at an all-time high, here is a photograph of high school athlete Alison Stokke, who is good at pole vaulting and really good at looking good. Aieeeeeee-yiiiiieeee-yiiiiiiiiieeee!!!
