Tuesday, October 31, 2006
2006-07 NBA Prediction Rain Dance
Before we get to our predictions for the NBA season, which starts tonight, let us first head out for St. Louis, Missouri, to light off some fireworks in celebration of E.K. Nation's first successful pre-season prediction of a league champion, namely the St. Louis Cardinals, who clearly so obvious a pick to win the World Series back in the spring that E.K. Nation couldn't even get that one wrong.
WESTERN CONFERENCE:
Okay, now we are back in our home offices in Portland, Oregon, ready to continue with this string of correct predictions in a row, which is currently one in a row.
(Oh, wait. First, we must mention that our pre-season Major League Soccer pick of Colorado defeating D.C. United in the final can still happen. And they're down to just four teams. This could be #2 in a row. Now, on with the Association...)
This is the fourth time we have offered up predictions for the NBA:
• For the 2003-04 season, we offered up a pick of Dallas over Detroit. We were a couple of years too soon on the Mavs making the Finals, but Detroit made it, and actually won it. Not too bad.Again, for this season and all others, we really don't know a whole lot, and frankly we don't care much about the NBA, but if anything, we can help you avoid losing money in Vegas by not betting on these results:
• For 2004-05, we decided it would be Detroit over Minnesota. Detroit fell one game short of winning it all, and Minnesota simply fell down. Schmucks.
• Last season, we chose San Antonio to win the championship over Indiana. In what turned out to be the most horrific NBA prediction in E.K. Nation history, neither team made it. Oh well.
WESTERN CONFERENCE:
THE DIVISION CHAMPIONS:
THE PLAYOFF TEAMS:
WESTERN FINALS:
over
EASTERN CONFERENCE:THE DIVISION CHAMPIONS:
THE PLAYOFF TEAMS:
EASTERN FINALS:
over
2006 NBA FINALS:
over
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
We'd Like To Launch Some Fireworks
But we'll have to wait for at least a couple of days. The fireworks would be in celebration of E.K. Nation finally predicting a sports championship correctly. At the start of the year, we picked the St. Louis Cardinals to win the World Series. Right now we are the second-closest we have ever been to being right, just two wins away. (A couple of years ago we were one game away when Detroit lost to San Antonio in Game 7 of the NBA Finals.) Just wanted to say we've been to the fireworks stand and have purchased some aerial shells, some bottle rockets, a few spinners, a couple of pinwheels, and a box of corn dogs to much on when the time comes. Can't wait!!! Man, this is a great blog! So informative!
Saturday, October 7, 2006
R.I.P., Buck O'Neil
Wanted to take a moment to pay tribute to Buck O'Neil, one of the coolest cats ever to be involved in baseball. He died yesterday at the age of 94.
He was one vote short of election into the Hall of Fame. We like to reserve space in the Hall of Fame for the truly elite people in baseball. We'd put him in.
He was one vote short of election into the Hall of Fame. We like to reserve space in the Hall of Fame for the truly elite people in baseball. We'd put him in.
God's been good to me. They didn't think Buck was good enough to be in the Hall of Fame. That's the way they thought about it and that's the way it is, so we're going to live with that. Now, if I'm a Hall of Famer for you, that's all right with me. Just keep loving old Buck. Don't weep for Buck. No, man, be happy, be thankful.
JOHN JORDAN "BUCK" O'NEIL
1911-2006
Wednesday, October 4, 2006
E.K. Nation's Third Somewhat-Annual NHL Predictions
We're still idiots when it comes to hockey. We love the sport, but we don't know jack about the players. We just have a general idea about which teams are great and which teams suck. As everyone should. So we're not special. And we do consistently miss the Stanley Cup Finals picks, which actually was not the case back in the late 90s and early 2000s, when we actually picked the Stanley Cup winner three years in a row (Dallas, New Jersey, Colorado) and had the opponents of the first two (Buffalo, Dallas) chosen correctly as well. It was unprecedented and will never be matched again (by us). Anyway, we had Philadelphia beating Nashville in the Finals last year, which wasn't happening. A somewhat similar prediction for this year, at least for one team, as follows promptly...
WESTERN CONFERENCE:
WESTERN CONFERENCE:
THE DIVISION CHAMPIONS:
THE PLAYOFF TEAMS:
WESTERN CONFERENCE FINALS:
over
EASTERN CONFERENCE:THE DIVISION CHAMPIONS:
THE PLAYOFF TEAMS:
EASTERN CONFERENCE FINALS:
over
2007 STANLEY CUP FINALS:
over
Note: Three months after the fact (It's Jan. 25, 2007 now), we noticed that we had Columbus making the playoffs in the East. Trouble is, Columbus plays in the West. Not our fault! Unless it is, which it is.
Tuesday, October 3, 2006
SNL, Sept. 30: Dane Cook
Opening sketch: I expected the first sketch of the season to be a bit funnier than this one, seeing as how they have all summer to come up with something. We continue to like Will Forte's George W. Bush, but this sketch, where he bugs the other guests of honor at a politician's rally, wasn't all that attention-grabbing. The "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!" honors go to Jason Sudeikis.
Monologue: It's Dane Cook's second time hosting within ten months, and he gets to do a handheld mic standup again. One word of advice: Be more familiar with the content of the show you are hosting. Your first riff sounded a bit like -- no, a lot like -- a rehash of a "Debbie Downer" sketch, what with its references to the person who always tries to bring you down when you're having a good time. Wait, wait, that's EXACTLY like a Debbie Downer sketch. What happened there? Didn't anyone tell him? He's already been accused of lifting other comic's material. This might not have helped. But the rest was good Dane-Cook-based stuff.
The next sketch is a training session for security screeners. Broad but funny caricatures with a few pointed comments about the state of our security made this one pretty good. I did like the "Okay, let's name some liquids and gels" part. Someone says "turkey sandwich." You know, that's simple, but still funny.
“The Hugo Chavez Political Roundup” was up next and it was a complete clunker, even with a slightly silly Kim Jong Il impression from Amy Poehler.
The first Digital Short of the season is "Cubicle Fight", and it was not particularly funny. It was basically office worker Dane Cook fighting with office newbie Bill Hader in a very small enclosed workspace. Which you knew from the title. I did like the part where Dane blows hole punches into Bill's face as part of the fight, but I just didn't get into this one.
Bill Hader brings his fantastic Al Pacino impression to "Wells Fargo Presents: Al Pacino Checks His Bank Balance." Hader is a gifted impressionist and his Pacino is flawless. Give me this over "Cubicle Fight" any day, even if the sketch was just Pacino hamming it up. Gotta admit, a fake Pacino hamming for five minutes is better than the real one hamming for 110.
The Killers came on to do their new song, whatever it is, and while it's a good song, the lead singer was a bit tone deaf for much of it.
Weekend Update begins with a prelude: Amy prepares for the news and Brian Williams steps to the desk and says he's really excited to be doing the news. Amy is saddened to tell him they actually went another way, and in comes Seth Meyers. Then there is a fadeout, and I was expecting the Update to begin, but it went to a commercial. I thought it might have been our local affiliate (KGW) screwing up, and my suspicions were made even more forceful when the break ended and Amy was already delivering a punchline. Seth proves to be a good choice to anchor, though a joke or two did fall flat. Darrell Hammond reprised his Bill Clinton again, regaling us with a tale of a tryst between him and and an uncomfortable Condi Rice (Maya Rudolph). I have to say, Darrell Hammond should probably find a way out of this show. We're still doing Clinton? Come on. I know he was just in the news, but I really don't want to see him when he's not. The last one was good; a reference to "Tickle-Me-Elmo" led into a photo of a knife-wielding "Gimme-A-Reason Bert".
The next sketch is joined in progress again. Come on KGW! Get with it! Two water-bottle delivery guys are caught failing to make their deliveries; their theft of the bottles is demonstrated when Will opens a closet door, making way for well over 90 seconds (literally) of water bottles tumbling out. I liked that. A lot. Here they also make reference to "30 Rock" and "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip".
Another performance from The Killers. Didn't watch it. Sorry. Maybe later.
Next we have an odd plea from dippy Farrah Fawcett (Amy) to keep our oceans from dying. Her fake boob slides down her dress and then she walks over to participate in the next sketch, a bar scene where the bouncers (Dane and Jason) tell everyone to leave. Why did I like it when they approached a smiling Fred Armisen, broke his beer glass and sprayed him in the face with the water gun? Probably because it was so silly.
And then a send-up of those common person/celebrity insurance ads we've all seen recently. Andy Samberg is the normal kid, and Whitney Houston is the celeb. Funny stuff, if completely pointless.
Show's up! So, gone are Tina Fey, Rachel Dratch, Chris Parnell, Horatio Sanz and Finesse Mitchell, and there are no new cast members for the first time in like ever, although that could change later on this season. It's a smaller group and I think that will work a bit better. We'll miss Parnell, Fey, and Dratch, and we definitely will not miss Mitchell, who if memory serves correctly never did one funny thing on the show. I'd like to see Jason, Bill, Andy and Kristen get plenty of screen time this year. And although she's really funny, I'd like to see them cut Amy's time down substantially. She was in every sketch last year, I think, literally. Too much.
This week's show gets a 3-star rating from us here at E.K. Nation. Next week, Jamie Pressly!
Monologue: It's Dane Cook's second time hosting within ten months, and he gets to do a handheld mic standup again. One word of advice: Be more familiar with the content of the show you are hosting. Your first riff sounded a bit like -- no, a lot like -- a rehash of a "Debbie Downer" sketch, what with its references to the person who always tries to bring you down when you're having a good time. Wait, wait, that's EXACTLY like a Debbie Downer sketch. What happened there? Didn't anyone tell him? He's already been accused of lifting other comic's material. This might not have helped. But the rest was good Dane-Cook-based stuff.
The next sketch is a training session for security screeners. Broad but funny caricatures with a few pointed comments about the state of our security made this one pretty good. I did like the "Okay, let's name some liquids and gels" part. Someone says "turkey sandwich." You know, that's simple, but still funny.
“The Hugo Chavez Political Roundup” was up next and it was a complete clunker, even with a slightly silly Kim Jong Il impression from Amy Poehler.
The first Digital Short of the season is "Cubicle Fight", and it was not particularly funny. It was basically office worker Dane Cook fighting with office newbie Bill Hader in a very small enclosed workspace. Which you knew from the title. I did like the part where Dane blows hole punches into Bill's face as part of the fight, but I just didn't get into this one.
Bill Hader brings his fantastic Al Pacino impression to "Wells Fargo Presents: Al Pacino Checks His Bank Balance." Hader is a gifted impressionist and his Pacino is flawless. Give me this over "Cubicle Fight" any day, even if the sketch was just Pacino hamming it up. Gotta admit, a fake Pacino hamming for five minutes is better than the real one hamming for 110.
The Killers came on to do their new song, whatever it is, and while it's a good song, the lead singer was a bit tone deaf for much of it.
Weekend Update begins with a prelude: Amy prepares for the news and Brian Williams steps to the desk and says he's really excited to be doing the news. Amy is saddened to tell him they actually went another way, and in comes Seth Meyers. Then there is a fadeout, and I was expecting the Update to begin, but it went to a commercial. I thought it might have been our local affiliate (KGW) screwing up, and my suspicions were made even more forceful when the break ended and Amy was already delivering a punchline. Seth proves to be a good choice to anchor, though a joke or two did fall flat. Darrell Hammond reprised his Bill Clinton again, regaling us with a tale of a tryst between him and and an uncomfortable Condi Rice (Maya Rudolph). I have to say, Darrell Hammond should probably find a way out of this show. We're still doing Clinton? Come on. I know he was just in the news, but I really don't want to see him when he's not. The last one was good; a reference to "Tickle-Me-Elmo" led into a photo of a knife-wielding "Gimme-A-Reason Bert".
The next sketch is joined in progress again. Come on KGW! Get with it! Two water-bottle delivery guys are caught failing to make their deliveries; their theft of the bottles is demonstrated when Will opens a closet door, making way for well over 90 seconds (literally) of water bottles tumbling out. I liked that. A lot. Here they also make reference to "30 Rock" and "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip".
Another performance from The Killers. Didn't watch it. Sorry. Maybe later.
Next we have an odd plea from dippy Farrah Fawcett (Amy) to keep our oceans from dying. Her fake boob slides down her dress and then she walks over to participate in the next sketch, a bar scene where the bouncers (Dane and Jason) tell everyone to leave. Why did I like it when they approached a smiling Fred Armisen, broke his beer glass and sprayed him in the face with the water gun? Probably because it was so silly.
And then a send-up of those common person/celebrity insurance ads we've all seen recently. Andy Samberg is the normal kid, and Whitney Houston is the celeb. Funny stuff, if completely pointless.
Show's up! So, gone are Tina Fey, Rachel Dratch, Chris Parnell, Horatio Sanz and Finesse Mitchell, and there are no new cast members for the first time in like ever, although that could change later on this season. It's a smaller group and I think that will work a bit better. We'll miss Parnell, Fey, and Dratch, and we definitely will not miss Mitchell, who if memory serves correctly never did one funny thing on the show. I'd like to see Jason, Bill, Andy and Kristen get plenty of screen time this year. And although she's really funny, I'd like to see them cut Amy's time down substantially. She was in every sketch last year, I think, literally. Too much.
This week's show gets a 3-star rating from us here at E.K. Nation. Next week, Jamie Pressly!
Baseball Playoff Predictions
At the start of the season we predicted the Cardinals would beat the Yankees in the World Series. Sure. Let's stay with that. Although we really think the Twins will beat the Dodgers. So we'll get that one down too.
Monday, October 2, 2006
Do We Need To Discuss The 2-Point Conversion Again?
Okay, so Cal lost to Tennesseee in its first game, but the Bears are still pretty damn good. They destroyed Oregon State this weekend 41-13 in the first Pac-10 game we ever went to.
Here's the one comment we need to make. You know, football coaches have become completely and massively retarded when it comes to the two-point conversion. Football coaches do not know when to use it.
Case in point: OSU trails Cal 38-6 in the third quarter. That means it is a 32-point game. OSU is down by four possessions; namely, down by four touchdowns, if those touchdowns are all followed up by successful two-point conversions. It will take four scores, at least, to tie this game.
The Beavers score a touchdown to make it 38-12. So they go for two, which is the smart thing, and they make it, and the score is now 38-14.
Except for the fact that we just made that up. That never happened. Coach Mike Riley opts for the extra point. Kick is good, and the Beavers trail by 25, at 38-13. So basically the Beavers went from being four scores down to...four scores down.
Hey, coach? And whoever is in charge of this nonsense? You know football games don't last forever, right? You have a finite amount of time in which to score points to get back into the game. Why are you not taking advantage of the one thing that can make it easier for you to get back into it???
This goes for you, too, Bengals coaching staff. Is there anyone on the sideline who can assist with, like, smart things to do? Anyone with a calculator? It's 14-6, and they have just scored a touchdown to make it 14-12. Now here we feel like the dunces of the universe because we are seeing the Bengals try to for extra point and not the two. We forget who the announcing team was, but the play-by-play man said to the analyst something like, "Now, you're not an advocate of chasing points, are you?" And the analyst says, "No, you don't chase points here. Go for the one. There's plenty of time."
"You don't chase points???"
Since when is having a chance to tie the game and using it a bad thing?
Kick is good. Score is 14-13.
Serves Cincy right. The Patriots outscore them 24-0 the rest of the way and win 38-13. Karma, baby. If you're stupid, you don't deserve to win, period.
Seriously: Go ahead and assume that it's the last points you will score in the game.
Get the tie score.
Why would you not go for two?
You miss the two, you're still down a field goal. Kick one later, and you take the lead. Plenty of time left, right?
Oh, you're saying that if the Patriots score a touchdown after you miss the two, they'll be up by nine?
So what? Plenty of time left. Right? You can score nine points before the game ends, right?
Simple math, coaches. Don't disappoint us again.
Here's the one comment we need to make. You know, football coaches have become completely and massively retarded when it comes to the two-point conversion. Football coaches do not know when to use it.
Case in point: OSU trails Cal 38-6 in the third quarter. That means it is a 32-point game. OSU is down by four possessions; namely, down by four touchdowns, if those touchdowns are all followed up by successful two-point conversions. It will take four scores, at least, to tie this game.
The Beavers score a touchdown to make it 38-12. So they go for two, which is the smart thing, and they make it, and the score is now 38-14.
Except for the fact that we just made that up. That never happened. Coach Mike Riley opts for the extra point. Kick is good, and the Beavers trail by 25, at 38-13. So basically the Beavers went from being four scores down to...four scores down.
Hey, coach? And whoever is in charge of this nonsense? You know football games don't last forever, right? You have a finite amount of time in which to score points to get back into the game. Why are you not taking advantage of the one thing that can make it easier for you to get back into it???
This goes for you, too, Bengals coaching staff. Is there anyone on the sideline who can assist with, like, smart things to do? Anyone with a calculator? It's 14-6, and they have just scored a touchdown to make it 14-12. Now here we feel like the dunces of the universe because we are seeing the Bengals try to for extra point and not the two. We forget who the announcing team was, but the play-by-play man said to the analyst something like, "Now, you're not an advocate of chasing points, are you?" And the analyst says, "No, you don't chase points here. Go for the one. There's plenty of time."
"You don't chase points???"
Since when is having a chance to tie the game and using it a bad thing?
Kick is good. Score is 14-13.
Serves Cincy right. The Patriots outscore them 24-0 the rest of the way and win 38-13. Karma, baby. If you're stupid, you don't deserve to win, period.
Seriously: Go ahead and assume that it's the last points you will score in the game.
Get the tie score.
Why would you not go for two?
You miss the two, you're still down a field goal. Kick one later, and you take the lead. Plenty of time left, right?
Oh, you're saying that if the Patriots score a touchdown after you miss the two, they'll be up by nine?
So what? Plenty of time left. Right? You can score nine points before the game ends, right?
Simple math, coaches. Don't disappoint us again.
