Monday, August 29, 2005
What Hath Selig Wrought?
Ladies and gentleman, with just over a month remaining in the regular season, your six divison leaders in Major League Baseball:
You see it. The one that's under .500 for the year.
At this point we at E.K. Nation would like to pause and point out two things, which we will call One and One-a: One, the watered down wild-card system almost guaranteed that one day we'd be seeing something like this, and One-a, that the N.L. West would not be so weak and would not inspire so many of you to decry it as crap, if the wild-card system had not been instituted.
Like most of you wanted it to be.
Without the Braves and Astros--who were in the N.L. West prior to the wild-card-system debacle and who are the only two of the seven then-West teams to be over .500 right now--the N.L. West has become the moderate hellhole it is currently.
But just remember, folks, chances are: You wanted it to be this way.
No complaining. You got what you wanted. A watered-down playoff format. Nice going.
So, This Is What We Are Saying: If you wanted the wild-card system to be put in place but are now complaining about how one of the division winners is under .500, shut up. Shut up. Shut your mouth. Shut up. Shut your mouth. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut your mouth. Shut up. Shut up. The yap? Button it up. Shut it. Don't speak. Keep it zipped. Shut up. It's your fault. Shut up. Shut your mouth. Shut up. Remain silent. We see that you might be about to speak, and thus we must say, do not. Shut up. Be quiet. Shut up. Shut your mouth. Do not speak. Quiet, please. Any talking will be met with an abrasive call for no talking. Shut up. Shut up. Keep it zipped. Zip it. Shut your mouth. We need less talking and more not talking. Silence. Shut up. No talking. Don't speak. Shut your mouth. Shut up. A decibel level of zero would be appreciated. Shut it. Shut your mouth. Shut up. Anything you say will make us say "Shut up." Shut up. Do not vibrate your vocal cords and move your lips, tongue and jawbone around in order to form audible words that can be understood by the human ear. Shut up.
Boston Red Sox: 74-54, .578Kind of reminds you of that Sesame Street skit with the song that goes, "One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong..."
Chicago White Sox: 79-48, .622
Oakland Athletics: 73-56, .566
Atlanta Braves: 74-56, .569
St. Louis Cardinals: 83-48, .634
San Diego Padres: 64-65, .496
You see it. The one that's under .500 for the year.
At this point we at E.K. Nation would like to pause and point out two things, which we will call One and One-a: One, the watered down wild-card system almost guaranteed that one day we'd be seeing something like this, and One-a, that the N.L. West would not be so weak and would not inspire so many of you to decry it as crap, if the wild-card system had not been instituted.
Like most of you wanted it to be.
Without the Braves and Astros--who were in the N.L. West prior to the wild-card-system debacle and who are the only two of the seven then-West teams to be over .500 right now--the N.L. West has become the moderate hellhole it is currently.
But just remember, folks, chances are: You wanted it to be this way.
No complaining. You got what you wanted. A watered-down playoff format. Nice going.
So, This Is What We Are Saying: If you wanted the wild-card system to be put in place but are now complaining about how one of the division winners is under .500, shut up. Shut up. Shut your mouth. Shut up. Shut your mouth. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut your mouth. Shut up. Shut up. The yap? Button it up. Shut it. Don't speak. Keep it zipped. Shut up. It's your fault. Shut up. Shut your mouth. Shut up. Remain silent. We see that you might be about to speak, and thus we must say, do not. Shut up. Be quiet. Shut up. Shut your mouth. Do not speak. Quiet, please. Any talking will be met with an abrasive call for no talking. Shut up. Shut up. Keep it zipped. Zip it. Shut your mouth. We need less talking and more not talking. Silence. Shut up. No talking. Don't speak. Shut your mouth. Shut up. A decibel level of zero would be appreciated. Shut it. Shut your mouth. Shut up. Anything you say will make us say "Shut up." Shut up. Do not vibrate your vocal cords and move your lips, tongue and jawbone around in order to form audible words that can be understood by the human ear. Shut up.
