Thursday, June 17, 2004
He Gave The Ball "Back"
A quick note:
return: v. To revert to a former owner.
Matt Stark, the so-called "Ballpark Brute" who's getting the most unfair bad rap I've seen in a long time, has decided to "give back" the ball to the kid he almost knocked over in his attempt to get it.
The kid never had it.
In fact, he never even tried to get it.
But this kid is getting baseballs, he's getting bats, he's getting tickets for his family for numerous Rangers games, I mean what this kid has been presented with is just ri-donk-ulous.
Okay, okay, I get it: Kids deserve everything, adults deserve nothing. That foul ball I got last year at the Portland Beavers game? A couple of friends of mine actually expressed dismay when the usher let go of it and I claimed it. They were actually upset! And I didn't even touch a kid. There weren't any kids around. It was the beer garden, for Chrissakes.
Again: The kid did not go for the ball, and he never had possession of it as a result. He wasn't hurt, and he wasn't crying. The "sad" look on his face that gets shown in slow motion every freaking time this infernal "news" story comes on TV is not actually of him being sad. It's the look of "Hey, what just happened? I'm a kid, I don't know."
Back when I was nine or so, before I had ever gotten a foul ball, a potential souvenir came flying towards me at a Beavers game. The ball bounced around the section for a couple rows, and came to rest on the bench directly in front of me. I leaped forward to grab it, but a guy around 30 years old sitting in that row to the left of me reached and snagged it before I could.
I have a message for that man, wherever he is today:
I'd like the ball back, please.
Also, to the Texas Rangers organization: I'd like my Nolan Ryan autographed ball back, please. To Reggie Sanders: Give me the bat back! To the staff of "Good Morning, America": I'd like you to please return to me the tickets for tomorrow's Rangers game.
While we're getting things "back" we never had in the first place: To the BMW dealership just up the street, I'd like my car back. To the credit agency who sent me a collection notice for $40 recently, hey, I'd like that money back, you jerks.
To the mother of "Little Nicholas" O'Brien: Gimme back my son!
return: v. To revert to a former owner.
Matt Stark, the so-called "Ballpark Brute" who's getting the most unfair bad rap I've seen in a long time, has decided to "give back" the ball to the kid he almost knocked over in his attempt to get it.
The kid never had it.
In fact, he never even tried to get it.
But this kid is getting baseballs, he's getting bats, he's getting tickets for his family for numerous Rangers games, I mean what this kid has been presented with is just ri-donk-ulous.
Okay, okay, I get it: Kids deserve everything, adults deserve nothing. That foul ball I got last year at the Portland Beavers game? A couple of friends of mine actually expressed dismay when the usher let go of it and I claimed it. They were actually upset! And I didn't even touch a kid. There weren't any kids around. It was the beer garden, for Chrissakes.
Again: The kid did not go for the ball, and he never had possession of it as a result. He wasn't hurt, and he wasn't crying. The "sad" look on his face that gets shown in slow motion every freaking time this infernal "news" story comes on TV is not actually of him being sad. It's the look of "Hey, what just happened? I'm a kid, I don't know."
Back when I was nine or so, before I had ever gotten a foul ball, a potential souvenir came flying towards me at a Beavers game. The ball bounced around the section for a couple rows, and came to rest on the bench directly in front of me. I leaped forward to grab it, but a guy around 30 years old sitting in that row to the left of me reached and snagged it before I could.
I have a message for that man, wherever he is today:
I'd like the ball back, please.
Also, to the Texas Rangers organization: I'd like my Nolan Ryan autographed ball back, please. To Reggie Sanders: Give me the bat back! To the staff of "Good Morning, America": I'd like you to please return to me the tickets for tomorrow's Rangers game.
While we're getting things "back" we never had in the first place: To the BMW dealership just up the street, I'd like my car back. To the credit agency who sent me a collection notice for $40 recently, hey, I'd like that money back, you jerks.
To the mother of "Little Nicholas" O'Brien: Gimme back my son!
