Friday, April 30, 2004
E.K. Nation: Curse-Breaker
Sometimes a nation will find help in the unlikeliest of places.
We'd been viewing Derek Sanderson Jeter's latest attempt to match the batting futility of Bob Buhl, and had, for a few days in a row now, been experiencing the anguished cries of Andy the Bartender and Yankee fan upon our entry into the Stockpot restaurant and lounge (non-paid advertisement). "Dude, Jeter's oh-fer-22!"..."Dude! Jeter's oh-fer 27!"..."E.K.! What's happenin'?! Welcome to the Stockpot restaurant and lounge! Dude, Jeter's oh-fer-32!"
Well, dammit, we here at E.K. Nation decided to spring into action. We dug way back into our messy closet, and back behind the road-blue authentic Quebec Nordiques jersey, we found The E.K. Nation Cape™. Donning it, we figured the only way to break D.J. out of his slump and return New York City to its original upright position was to...bench him from the lineup of the official E.K. Nation Yahoo! Fantasy Baseball Team, the Smoking Jackets.
Yes, the Jackets went without a shortstop yesterday. We'd been waiting for #2 to break out of his slump, but it wasn't happening. Jeter's batting average was not doing us any favors in this week's battle with a squad called Wild Thing Lives. When so many New Yorkers cry a river of tears, the city makes its own gravy. With the Cape, our hip boots and a steely resolve, we decided to end Jeter's slump once and for all. Thus, the benching.
And in a manner so befitting the luck of E.K. Nation, Derek Jeter, in his first at-bay since the benching, hit a home run.
Don't cry for us. We got a dinger from Barry, a dong from Vlad, a shot from Jose Guillen, and a round-tripper from Varitek. Instead of five homers, we had four. But that's okay. Because that, my friends, is how E.K. Nation helps America.
We'd been viewing Derek Sanderson Jeter's latest attempt to match the batting futility of Bob Buhl, and had, for a few days in a row now, been experiencing the anguished cries of Andy the Bartender and Yankee fan upon our entry into the Stockpot restaurant and lounge (non-paid advertisement). "Dude, Jeter's oh-fer-22!"..."Dude! Jeter's oh-fer 27!"..."E.K.! What's happenin'?! Welcome to the Stockpot restaurant and lounge! Dude, Jeter's oh-fer-32!"
Well, dammit, we here at E.K. Nation decided to spring into action. We dug way back into our messy closet, and back behind the road-blue authentic Quebec Nordiques jersey, we found The E.K. Nation Cape™. Donning it, we figured the only way to break D.J. out of his slump and return New York City to its original upright position was to...bench him from the lineup of the official E.K. Nation Yahoo! Fantasy Baseball Team, the Smoking Jackets.
Yes, the Jackets went without a shortstop yesterday. We'd been waiting for #2 to break out of his slump, but it wasn't happening. Jeter's batting average was not doing us any favors in this week's battle with a squad called Wild Thing Lives. When so many New Yorkers cry a river of tears, the city makes its own gravy. With the Cape, our hip boots and a steely resolve, we decided to end Jeter's slump once and for all. Thus, the benching.
And in a manner so befitting the luck of E.K. Nation, Derek Jeter, in his first at-bay since the benching, hit a home run.
Don't cry for us. We got a dinger from Barry, a dong from Vlad, a shot from Jose Guillen, and a round-tripper from Varitek. Instead of five homers, we had four. But that's okay. Because that, my friends, is how E.K. Nation helps America.
Rest easy, son. You've had a busy day. You're fortunate to be all in one piece.
