Monday, December 15, 2003
Hang Up And Play
Okay, I'll 'fess up. When Joe Horn caught his second touchdown pass of the night, and grabbed the cell phone from underneath the goal-post padding, he called...
...Me. And here's what I said to him: "Congratulations, jackass: You have now successfully completed the WORST TOUCHDOWN CELEBRATION IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE. You punk-ass bitch, you attention-whore LOSER. A play that garners six measly points in an NFL game is not a pivotal moment in history, does not require a grandiose proclamation, and a simple high five would have sufficed. Hang up and play, you idiot. Act like you've scored a touchdown before. Have some CLASS. Memo to you: If you have to act like a star after you score a touchdown, YOU ARE NOT A STAR. You're fucking JOE HORN. Dumbass! You scored FOUR goddamn touchdowns last night, but we're talking about you because you MADE A PHONE CALL IN THE END ZONE! Imagine how much of a star you'd be if you'd let the touchdowns do the talking instead of having your fingers do the walking. Yeah, I got a finger for you, jackass, and NO points for guessing which one."
...Me. And here's what I said to him: "Congratulations, jackass: You have now successfully completed the WORST TOUCHDOWN CELEBRATION IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE. You punk-ass bitch, you attention-whore LOSER. A play that garners six measly points in an NFL game is not a pivotal moment in history, does not require a grandiose proclamation, and a simple high five would have sufficed. Hang up and play, you idiot. Act like you've scored a touchdown before. Have some CLASS. Memo to you: If you have to act like a star after you score a touchdown, YOU ARE NOT A STAR. You're fucking JOE HORN. Dumbass! You scored FOUR goddamn touchdowns last night, but we're talking about you because you MADE A PHONE CALL IN THE END ZONE! Imagine how much of a star you'd be if you'd let the touchdowns do the talking instead of having your fingers do the walking. Yeah, I got a finger for you, jackass, and NO points for guessing which one."
ATTENTION WHORE JOE HORN
Can you hear me now, asshole?
