Friday, September 26, 2003
NFL Specials, Week 3
I'm back to true E.K. form with a 7-1 week last week. I like you, Betty. Here we go again with more, and as a courtesy to you, the loyal reader, I'm adding two more games for a total of ten:
Gripe Nation, Of Which I Am The Chancellor: 1) I don't like it when they already have the shirts and hats already printed up. You know? "Wild Card Winner!" And the gear is on for the champagne flow? No good. Act like you've been there before and will be there again. But however dumb that is, for cryin' out loud, do not put up a banner on your outfield wall that says "Wild Card Champions." First of all, there is no such thing. You're not "champions" of anything. Second, don't do that.
2) Along the same act-like-you've-been-there-before lines, when you make a tackle, don't do a dance. You made a tackle. Whoopee. That's your job, jackass. I don't finish a report, hand it to my boss, and then bust out with the Charleston. Don't you do it either. And when you score a touchdown, hand the ball to the ref and go to the sideline. Yes, accept high fives and whatnot, but do not dance. Do not take a pen out of your sock. And by all means do not do what Warren Sapp did. That's just horrible-lookin'. Warren, let Beyonce do the dance.
Dallas over N.Y. Jets
Carolina over Atlanta
Cincinnati over Cleveland
Baltimore over Kansas City
Buffalo over Philadelphia
Washington over New England
Pittsburgh over Tennessee
Oakland over San Diego
Minnesota over San FranciscoAnd...Get The Score Exactly Right On Monday Night Football:
You've noticed I don't do point spreads. That's right. I don't like them. You wanna make somethin' of it??16
3
Gripe Nation, Of Which I Am The Chancellor: 1) I don't like it when they already have the shirts and hats already printed up. You know? "Wild Card Winner!" And the gear is on for the champagne flow? No good. Act like you've been there before and will be there again. But however dumb that is, for cryin' out loud, do not put up a banner on your outfield wall that says "Wild Card Champions." First of all, there is no such thing. You're not "champions" of anything. Second, don't do that.
2) Along the same act-like-you've-been-there-before lines, when you make a tackle, don't do a dance. You made a tackle. Whoopee. That's your job, jackass. I don't finish a report, hand it to my boss, and then bust out with the Charleston. Don't you do it either. And when you score a touchdown, hand the ball to the ref and go to the sideline. Yes, accept high fives and whatnot, but do not dance. Do not take a pen out of your sock. And by all means do not do what Warren Sapp did. That's just horrible-lookin'. Warren, let Beyonce do the dance.
