E.K. NATION

10:08 a.m. First batter of the game for the Twins gets an automatic double, second hitter bunts him to third. Good start for Minnesota against Mussina, who has gone 20-2 lifetime against the Twins.

10:12 a.m. Mussina is out of the jam, getting two ground ball outs.

10:45 a.m. Guzman scores on a sacrifice fly to center by Rivas, after getting to third with some aggressive baserunning on a single by Stewart, just getting under the tag. Twins lead 1-0.

11:36 a.m. Interesting. I look over at my muted TV screen and see that Reed has come in for Santana in the fifth. Did Santana get a blister? Maybe the break the Yankees have been waiting for today.

11:54 a.m.

So, we're in the sixth inning there at Yankee Stadium and Hunter says, so where can I hit this ball and get some action? And I says, what kinda action, and he says scoring action, what do I look like? And I says, well what do I look like? So he says, so you think I'm some kinda jerk for askin', only he don't use the word jerk. And then he calls me a jerk and then he goes and hits a triple after the ball got past Williams in the outfield, scoring LeCroy and then when Soriano throws the ball away Hunter scores. I don't say nothin', and then he asks me how the Yankees feel about it, and I says, well, that don't sound like too good a deal for them then.

12:30 p.m. Here...they...come! Two men on, no one out in the seventh for the Yankees. Ruben Sierra coming in to pinch-hit (I looked over and for a second there I thought he was Barry Bonds). Oh, but it's a weak little tapper that Hawkins can't field quickly enough to turn two. First and third, one out.

12:35 p.m. Hawkins just blew strike three past Soriano. Whoosh! Now it's up to Nick Johnson.

12:38 p.m. Whoosh!

12:55 p.m. Pierzynski just got hit with a pitch with the bases loaded so...wait a minute. Runner sent back, and Gardenhire's out there arguing now. Was it foul? Here's the replay....hmmm. Don't know, especially with the sound off.

12:57 p.m. Pierzynski just grounded into a 1-2-3 DP to end the eighth. He doesn't look happy. Still 3-0 Twins.

1:16 p.m. Well, here comes the first walk to Barry Bonds. Man on second, two out in the first, who'd'a'thunk it? Time for Fonz to step up now. Stat says Barry has scored 38 times after his 148 walks.

1:20 p.m. Giants and Yankees have two on and two out in their respective innings. Lots of switching. And...aaaarggghh.... it looks like the Giants didn't score. Crap.

1:21 p.m. Soriano runs the count to 3-1 against Guardado and then he beats out an infield roller up the middle, 3-1 Twins now.

1:23 p.m. Foul pop by Johnson just barely makes it out of play, Yanks still alive.

1:25 p.m. And all Johnson can do is ground weakly to third. Game over, Twins up 1-0. Yankees lose. Thuu-uhhh-uhhh....Yankees lose. Can't say I'm not surprised. This is the first win by Minnesota over New York since early 2001.

Now they bring over the Giants game to ESPN.

1:28 p.m. Just found out I had been spelling "Pierzynski" right. Wooo-weeee, I'm good!

2:02 p.m. I nearly took J.T. Snow off my favorite Giants postseason moments list with that egregious throw into right field, but fortunately that long drive by Cabrera with two outs only made the warning track. Still 0-0, still happy.

2:09 p.m. Barry walks again, but this time it helps us, moving Rich to second. Edgar starts to sacrifice but this is not a good idea. Swing away, Fonz. The pitcher's only 14 years old.

2:13 p.m. Then again, Fonz, maybe if you bunt, the third baseman's throw will sail past first and allow Richie to score and move Barry to third. Good work, Fonz. Great strategy. One to zero, G-Men.

2:21 p.m. Boy, if second and third with a run already in and no outs and then not scoring anymore is not a wasted opportunity...

2:28 pm. Come on, Richie, you can make sure of at least one out, man! With the picther on deck you can afford to make sure you get the one out if you feel rushed. It's not just playing the game; it's Knowing The Situation.

2:39 p.m. I totally did not see this ninth-inning catch today. Was it good? (I note that knucklehead idiot shithead baseball fans still don't understand not to reach out into the field of play.)

2:40 p.m. So Bonds will lead off the sixth inning. He should see some pitches. Let's hope we're still up by one.

2:55 p.m. Well, he saw a nice 2-1 pitch and laced it to center for an out. Drat. Still One-zip.

3:04 p.m. Damn, Schmidt has been fan-fucking-tastic. If it weren't for Beckett's nice performance so far I'd be dancing. Or a reasonable alternative to rhythmic rituals, as I am white. Still One-zip after six-and-a-half. Cruz has been busy in right, handling seven outs by my count.

3:29 p.m. What better way to show you don't have any faith in your team or your pitching staff to intentionally walk Barry Bonds with nobody on? There's a time and place for intentional passes, and that ain't it, Chickenshit. I hope Fonz shoves this one up your ass.

3:31 p.m. Well, well! Turns out it's Barry shoving one deep in your backside. He freakin' stole a base on you, cowards. Excellent.

3:32 p.m. You get what you deserve, McKeon. You just screwed your team with your chickenwing brand of ball. Edgardo just doubled, scoring Barry.

3:40 p.m. Nice play by Durham to start the ninth, great pitching by Schmidt the entire way- a three-hit shutout!--and we're up 1-0 in the series. Feels great so far.

...or is Kurt Warner's husband an attention-whore loudmouth?

AMERICAN LEAGUE DIVISION SERIES:

So the Twins haven't beaten the Yankees in what, two years? One thing about the playoffs: Throw out all the regular season stuff, it doesn't mean anything. The Twins will indeed win a game, beating Clemens in the process. But that's it. And the Metrodome sucks. I hope no dome-playing team ever gets to another World Series, ever, ever, ever. I really just want that bubble to deflate. Mike Mussina will flirt with a no-hitter. Yankees in 4 games.

There's a lot of offense in that Sox lineup. And for all the touting the A's rotation has gotten over the last few years, it still hasn't won them a single postseason series. This one is over before it starts. The Sox score 17 runs in one of the games. Jason Varitek hits a walk-off series-clinching home run into the right-field bullpen to end Game 3 and complete the sweep. Citgo sign explodes a la Roy Hobbs, despite being a couple of blocks away. Red Sox in 3 games.

NATIONAL LEAGUE DIVISION SERIES:

I'm big on the Wood-Prior-Zambrano contingent and it's going to help silence the Brave bats something fierce. One of them might have a weak outing (say, Zambrano in Game 3), but Wrigley will be a madhouse after the fourth game. After 11 straight division titles the Braves have just one World Series title to show for it. They are soft as church music in the postseason. Kerry Wood will hit a home run. Cubs in 4 games.

Praise Jason Schmidt. He will win Game 1 and Game 5, but the Giants will struggle in the middle three games, getting a very close and anxiety-filled Game 2 win before letting the Marlins tie it after four games. Bonds homers once, walks seven times. Giants in 5 games.

AMERICAN LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES:

N.Y. Yankees vs. Boston: What a weird twist of fate it would be if the Red Sox somehow beat Roger Clemens in the pennant-clinching win in Fenway Park. Although my dream matchup in the Series would be the Giants vs. the Yankees, I have to guess this will be the third straight year without the Yanks in the Fall Classic, because the Sox are going to kick ass. Series MVP: Kevin Millar, assuming you can "cowboy up" in New England. Do they do that kinda thing up there? Red Sox in 5 games.

NATIONAL LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES:

San Francisco vs. Chi. Cubs: This one won't have a special Will & Grace feel to it (Clark and Mark combined to hit an incredible 24-for-37 in the five-game Giants victory in the 1989 NLCS; that's a .649 average to you and me), but it will be something to watch the Cubs rebound from a 3-1 deficit after four games only to lose an 8-7 squeaker in Game 7 after Worrell gives up three runs in the ninth. Bonds homers once, walks nine times. Series MVP: Sammy Sosa (I see five home runs, people). Giants in 7 games.

WORLD SERIES:

Boston vs. San Francisco: So this was my pre-season World Series pick, and I must stay with it. I do feel that the Red Sox are the best pick to come out of the A.L. regardless of what I picked in the spring. The Sox, after bringing out the sacrificial goat and the witch-burnings and all that, really ought to hand a ring to Eric Gagne. Good thing the Cubs won't meet the Sox in the Series; I fear that such an occurrence would cause the universe to collapse on itself. Sox fans celebrate for a week and then go into a winter-long funk, realizing they have nothing to root for anymore. Forget the curse of the Bambino; this one's for Buckner. Bonds goes homerless, walks once, and makes the last out, a grounder to shortstop Nomar garciaparra playing just to the right of second base. Series MVP: Pedro Martinez. Red Sox in 6 games.

E.K. Sports 2003 MLB Awards: Barry Bonds, N.L. Most Valuable Player...Carlos Delgado, A.L. Most Valuable Player...Eric Gagne, N.L. Cy Young...Pedro Martinez, A.L. Cy Young...Brandon Webb, N.L. Rookie of the Year...Hideki Matsui, A.L. Rookie of the Year

Upon further review of the home-field advantage situation, I have decided now that it is completely stupid to not go to New York to play that last game. What was I thinking?

Originally I was just thinking about the 25-man roster and forgot that they could have 15 extra men to work with due to roster expansion in September. Reader Chuck wrote in on the feedback, saying they could just send some of those late-season call-ups that expanded the roster to 40 men. I agreed that that was a good point. But now, I believe even that isn't enough. Put Barry and the starters on a plane and get them to New York. Don't use up a good pitcher as a starter, but get everyone else out there.

They cut to Dave Revsine and Rob Dibble of ESPN during a commercial break late in the Braves-Phillies game--won by the Braves 5-2, thereby clinching home-field for Atlanta--and Diblle said it's unfortunate that the Giants have conceded. He said you owe it to your fans and even to the players on the team who have worked so hard over the course of the year. They cut back to Braves game announcer Bob Carpenter, who said he totally agrees with Dibble. At this point I was convinced that my original sentiment was just flat-out dumb. Home-field advantage is way too important to concede right now. I should have been the first to pipe up and say that; I've been touting the importance of home-field advantage ever since the Giants clinched.

So now I go on record reversing my statement and calling myself stupid. And I have no problem with it.

I think it's a good decision not to fly out to New York for that last make-up game if the Giants do indeed finish a half-game back of Atlanta after today's game. It'll just take too much out of them. Might as well stay home and get a day of rest. Curiously, too, I would rather play Atlanta without home field than play Chicago with it. Besides, they could still get home field if they win today and the Braves lose.

1) Barry will hit three home runs against the Dodgers and will finish the season tied with Willie at 660.

2) The Giants will cause Gagne to blow a save.

It looks like the Giants will play Florida in the Division Series, and because the Marlins are on the verge of closing it out officially tonight, they may not have to go with Dontrelle Willis on Sunday, keeping him for Game 1 against the G-Men. Meanwhile the Cubs are going to have to go with their big guns these next couple of days and keep the rotation occupied. Prior goes today and then Wood will likely go on Sunday if the Cubs haven't beaten the odds and clinched by that time. Which means those two guys may only be available for one game each in the first round. That's certainly not something you're hoping for if you're a Cubby fan.

This is where Bob Costas' idea, or at least one that he passed along from another writer, sounds intriguing. He suggests that instead of one wild-card team going right into a playoff series, another wild-card spot should be brought in, and those two teams would play a best-of-three series in the home park of the higher seed, thereby using their top starters a little more. This scenario would give the top-seeded team in each league an extra advantage: The starters of the wild-card team would be used as workhorses while the top seed's staff rests for a few days. It's an interesting scenario and I, strangely, find myself thinking it's a better option.

I'm back to true E.K. form with a 7-1 week last week. I like you, Betty. Here we go again with more, and as a courtesy to you, the loyal reader, I'm adding two more games for a total of ten:

Dallas over N.Y. Jets

Carolina over Atlanta

Cincinnati over Cleveland

Baltimore over Kansas City

Buffalo over Philadelphia

Washington over New England

Pittsburgh over Tennessee

Oakland over San Diego

Minnesota over San Francisco

And...Get The Score Exactly Right On Monday Night Football:

16 3

You've noticed I don't do point spreads. That's right. I don't like them. You wanna make somethin' of it??

Gripe Nation, Of Which I Am The Chancellor: 1) I don't like it when they already have the shirts and hats already printed up. You know? "Wild Card Winner!" And the gear is on for the champagne flow? No good. Act like you've been there before and will be there again. But however dumb that is, for cryin' out loud, do not put up a banner on your outfield wall that says "Wild Card Champions." First of all, there is no such thing. You're not "champions" of anything. Second, don't do that.

2) Along the same act-like-you've-been-there-before lines, when you make a tackle, don't do a dance. You made a tackle. Whoopee. That's your job, jackass. I don't finish a report, hand it to my boss, and then bust out with the Charleston. Don't you do it either. And when you score a touchdown, hand the ball to the ref and go to the sideline. Yes, accept high fives and whatnot, but do not dance. Do not take a pen out of your sock. And by all means do not do what Warren Sapp did. That's just horrible-lookin'. Warren, let Beyonce do the dance.

Here's the deal: Go to Las Vegas sometime next spring and ask to put some money down. Tell them you would like to make the following bet and can they help you?:

Bet that in the American League East in 2004, the order of finish will be as follows: 1) Yankees. 2) Red Sox. 3) Blue Jays. 4) Orioles. 5) Devil Rays.

It happened this year. Just as it did in 2002. And 2001. And 2000. And 1999. And...wait for it...1998. Six years in a row, and that was the way it was.

They haven't been too numerous, but these late-season losses are taking their toll on me. I'm a big proponent of home-field advantage--why wouldn't anyone be?--and it doesn't please me to see 1) the Giants blow a late-inning lead, and 2) the starters resting. Look, I know Barry Bonds is the greatest player in the game, but he's not going to be able to come off the bench in the ninth to face Billy Wagner's 100-mile-an-hour salsa and hit a home run every time. I mean, come on, Felipe! Keep them in! Keep them focused! Sheesh!

So now we take on the Dodgers four times this weekend, including a make-up game caused by a rainout in April, to wrap things up. If we can't get home-field advantage, I'll be satisfied to a certain extent if we can get Gagne to blow a save. Just once.

Marlins Don't Scare Me, But Conine Does: Is it just me, or has Jeff Conine been the best late-season acquisition by any team this year? Seems like all the guy has done is make great plays in the outfield and get clutch hits and home runs for Florida. Well, maybe his stats don't show it, but he's definitely had his moments. I came across this article which says what I just said in much more detail. If the Giants lose to the Marlins in the playoffs, it will be because of Conine the Canine. Write it down.

Pre-season Hockey: Last night I was at the Rose Garden for the pre-season game between the San Jose Sharks and the Phoenix Coyotes. Interesting that the Sharks were touted over the PA system as "your San Jose Sharks!" Was this a home game for San Jose? Anyway, I was disappointed to not see my favorite player, Mike Ricci, on the ice. Didn't even look like he made the trip. Bummer.

Edgardo Alfonzo dropped a granny on the Astros to cap a 10-run second inning and the Giants kept pace with the Braves for home-field in the National League, beating the Astros 10-3. Jason Schmidt picked up another win to go 17-5. It's not enough to beat Eric Gagne for the Cy Young Award, but it's still sweet. Is he going to pitch any more this regular season?

Looks like the Giants will be hooking up with the Fish in the first round. I've noticed a couple of other Giants bloggers talking about getting revenge on the Braves for 1993 and the Cards for 1987 during last year's World Series run, and I too think it will be great to pay back Florida. Good thing we'll get home-field advantage this time. I'm still trying to figure out how the Marlins managed to get two of three home games in that 1997 series as the wild card. Then again, I'm still trying to figure out most of the wild card stuff.

Also, as a Portlander sick of Seattle-ites, I was very happy to see the A's come back from a ninth-inning deficit to win in 10 last night and then to see Tim Salmon shove a walk-off up the Mariners' asses, ending their division title hopes and putting one more nail in the wild-card coffin. Partially in tribute to the A's, E.K. Sports is sporting a green-and-yellow mast today.

We in this country suffer from an affliction. We have trouble being honest to women for fear of damaging their self-esteem. And I'm not just talking about when a friend of yours says, "How do you like my new haircut?" and you say, "Hey, looks great!" even though she now looks like a boy. In our efforts to kowtow and kiss up to women, we fail to acknowledge certain things:

Women are just not as good at sports as men are. Men are stronger, faster, bigger, taller, quicker. That's not an opinion; that's just the way it is. Which means that if you are looking for talent and athletic skill, power and prowess, you will turn to the men's game.

It's not really because many women who play sports, to quote an international man of mystery, "look rather mannish." Hotter women athletes won't truly mean better ratings, more attendance, more revenue. Men don't particularly care if the women playing the game are attractive. Men don't typically purposely sit down to watch Anna Kournikova play tennis on TV--then again, she wins a match so rarely that anyone who honestly would have might sometime be forced to use the unitended punchline "But I was sick that day." If there were more hotties playing in the WNBA--and there is, by my count right now, precisely one--it still wouldn't compel me to watch. They just don't play as well as men, not even close.

We just don't care. And by we, I mean men and women. Most women don't particularly care about sports in the first place, and when they do, they typically watch the men's game anyway.

And women's events are overhyped anyway; not in terms of the sporting world but in terms of society in general. I can't tell you how many people said that the 1999 World Cup victory by the United States women was going to be a great boost for women in society. I also can't tell you how many times I had to shake my head upon hearing such a comment. A soccer victory isn't going to raise awareness about women's issues, I thought to myself constantly. How could it? It's a soccer game; men's soccer doesn't even have enough societal import. And sure enough, I was right. Not only has the WUSA gone down in flames and the WNBA suffered through miserable attendance and failing franchises--one just got dropped by its Cleveland NBA parent team, and another one had to move its games to an Indian casino gymnasium in Connecticut--but we're also still hearing women complain about being discriminated against.

That's all fine, but how could that be, one may ask them, in the wake of such an important--ahem--soccer game? "Wait a minute! Didn't Brandi Chastain kick a spotted ball through a metal rectangle into a net and rip her shirt off? How come that didn't help women? I'm shocked and dismayed at this...uhhh...shocking dismayage!"

Besides, it's not as if the U.S. women beat a bunch of men that day in the Rose Bowl. They beat a bunch of women. The victory by the women's team wasn't, like some said, going to help women in society: A woman's team had to win that tournament, no matter which country it was; it was a women's tournament, for cryin' out loud. Besides, if the U.S. women had lost in the preliminary round, would women have suffered because of it? No. Again, it was a soccer game.

That's all it is. Women aren't as good at sports as men, and that's why men get the ratings. Period. It's not like we watch men's sports over women's sports because we hate women, or because we're interested in keeping women "in their place". It's just a better product, period, end of story. You can say all you want that "women deserve a chance at professional team sports", and they have gotten that chance, and it's not particularly working out.

Wild-Card Rant: Friend of mine, "Smooth", found this on Baseball Prospectus and I just had to read it and laugh. Bud Selig, said Paul Tagliabue, is leading baseball through a "Renaissance"? Just remember when you hear Selig talk about how great he's making basebal, remember that he fucked it up in the first place, pardon my Francais, and he wouldn't have had to fix what wasn't broken. I'm convinced "selig" is a foreign word meaning "Satan" somewhere on Earth.

Just So You Know: Kelly Holcomb led the Browns from a 12-0 deficit to a 13-12 win the fourth quarter this past weekend against the 49ers with a sprained ankle and a broken leg. Okay? I'm just sayin'.

I had a much better record this weekend picking games in the NFL. I missed just one of eight, Buffalo's loss to Miami. My record for the season now jumps from 3-5 to 10-6. How un-Mariner-like.

What good are college football polls if they aren't accurate?

Oregon is now 4-0. Michigan is 3-1. Michigan's one loss is to Oregon. Michigan is ranked #10 in the ESPN USA Today coaches' poll. Oregon is ranked #15. Are the voters angry over the new uniforms?

Virginia Tech's Frank Beamer was on the Jim Rome Show this morning and explained that he votes based on how good he thinks teams are in general, not based on their record. Apparently actual games and their outcomes are not one of the ways he determines which team is better.

It's all still a fraud. That's why college football isn't as interesting as the NFL.

And if you're reading this, you should know why.

How do I feel about Felipe giving a rest to all the main starters and then watching the G-Men lose to San Diego? Not too good. Marvin Benard even got in the game. Come on. We still have home-field advantage to fight for. If the starters play and capitalize on playing a weak San Diego team, this team is tied with the Braves for home-field. If I'm Alou, I say save the celebrations for later, especially if you have a day game the next day. Shouldn't do too much partying yet anyway; this thing is far from over. Winning the division is the first of four steps. Don't make me angry the day after winning the West.

I also note with a bit of chagrin that the Twins' lead in the A.L. Central has ballooned to 3.5 games. This means that we are closer to having the playoff scenario involve the Metrodome. I hate that place. I don't want to watch baseball in that cavern. I'll be rooting against the Twins. Sad, because I like watching some of them play, like Torii Hunter and Shannon Stewart. Too bad: You play in a dome, then I hate your team. That's the way it goes.

NFL Specials: Okay, so I went 3-5 last week. Don't count that. I was interfered with.

Tampa Bay over Atlanta

Pittsburgh over Cincinnati

St. Louis over Seattle

Tennessee over New Orleans

Buffalo over Miami

Minnesota over Detroit

N.Y.Giants over Washington

And...Get The Score Exactly Right On Monday Night Football:

27 21

Last week, the Giants definitely did not beat Dallas 41-13.

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...We'll clinch the West tonight...

Barry watches #656 go

Okay, maybe. But I wonder if the baseball gods could arrange it so that the Dodgers lose quickly, and then have Barry Bonds hit a walk-off home run to clinch the West Division. It's good to see Superman hitting his stride again. I was beginning to think 660 wasn't going to come around this year.

Jerome Williams is in the rotation for the playoffs, as the fourth man, according to Felipe. I'm not worried, not yet, even though he's a youngster. I think he's a good, poised young pitcher. Of course, the postseason is another thing entirely.

You know, I could maybe buy in to the wild card concept a little bit--a little, eensy-weensy tiny bit--if its thumpers had arguments that weren't so totally jackassical. Case in point: This bit of ridiculosity by EPSN's Jim Caple.

I'll start with the caption on the photograph on the page, which, to be fair, may not have been written by Caple himself. But it's still so fraught with boneheadedness that I can't not lead off with it:

If not for the wild card, Luis Castillo and the Marlins would have no chance of reaching the playoffs.

SO WHAT???

What's the reason for this being promoted as a benefit? Does Major League Baseball gain anything if Florida's in the race? Do fans of any other team benefit? If I said, "If we don't allow every team to get to the playoffs, the Tigers will have no chance of making the postseason, would that convince you that the wild-card system is good? Caple himself says,

My opposition to the wild-card format declines with proportion to how many games my favorite teams are out of first place. The further out they fall, the more I like it.

Wow. Convincing. It's only good if your team has a shot. Tell you what: Do Tigers fans think the wild-card system is great? How 'bout Padres fans? And hey, how about Braves and Giants fans? Their second-half of the season, which would have been winding down to a race between two teams separated by a mere game-and-a-half right now, has been reduced to two or three months of basically playing out the season. The Giants haven't had an extremely crucial game since, like, June.

More silly silliness:

And then the very first year of the wild card, we saw an even more dramatic race between the Mariners and the Angels. That ended in a one-game playoff...

Closer examination--something wild-card proponents often shy away from the way vampires avoid light--reveals that the wild-card system had nothing to do with that playoff game: Seattle and California would have tied for first place in the West anyway. The three teams (Chicago, Kansas City and Minnesota) that had moved from the West to the Central with the format change in 1994 all finished with worse records. The tie would have happened anyway.

(And don't give me the "Hey, the Mariners were way out of first in the summer, but only because of the wild-card system did they realize they were still in it, and they made some trades and that's why they managed to get back into it" crap. Your team is not out of it in July, unless you're from Detroit. If they pack it in at that point isntead of continuing to play good baseball, that's just stupid.)

The wild-card proponents can't win an argument because many of their points--not all, but many--are just stupid. There's not a single argument from the "purist" side--pardon me while I straighten my top hat and take puff of a Lucky Strike while gallivanting around town in my Model T with my flapper-dressed Charleston-jiving lady by my side--that can be considered as even remotely idiotic. Wild-card proponents may disagree wholeheartedly with my side, but they'd have a devil of a time saying "That's completely illogical and insane" with a straight face.

It could very well be all over by the end of play tomorrow night. Two wins against San Diego and two Snakeshirt victories over the L.A. Blueballs and the N.L. West is ours. We may not even get a chance to clinch on Dodger turf, which would be absolutely sweet.

And this one is for all you lame-o Seattle fans who live in Portland. Your team is fast slipping away, and the Seattle Invasion is being quelled as we speak. You're down 4.5 games to the A's and 1.5 games to the Bosox. I don't hate the Mariners, really. I just hate the preponderance of Seattle fans in Portland. Memo to Portlanders: We hate Seattle. We don't know why, we just do. We don't root for them.

Pop quiz, hot shot.

There's a bomb on a bus. No, wait. You're the New York Giants. You're up by three with 11 seconds left. You are kicking off. The Dallas Cowboys are a hundred yards away. What do you do?

What do you do?

"Try a squib kick."

What???

"Remove the win from the equation. Kick the ball so that they are closer to where they need to be when they get the ball. They make one good play, then get a field goal, and then after we lose in O.T., we can't get out of the stadium alive."

You are deeply nuts, you know that?

Shoot the coach.

Jim Fassel, please attempt to grow a brain. What can you possibly be thinking? Kick the ball through the end zone if you can, then they have to throw a hail mary just to get into field goal range. Sheesh! A child would know how to handle a three-point lead with 11 freaking seconds left, for cryin' out loud. Not that I care; you're the Shockey-infested Giants.

WANTED

FOR FOOTBALL CRIMES

Cedric Wilson was last seen in St. Louis. He stole a victory from 49ers fans. He is also guilty of the crime of not knowing what the hell the situation is, which is fine if you have just awakened from a coma but not if you are on a football field in the closing seconds of a tie game and you need to down the ball so that you can call a timeout and kick a field goal to win a game you will eventually lose if you don't do so.

WANTED

(Artist's rendering)

FOR FALLING WRONG AND ILLUSTRATING WITH MADDENING PRECISION HOW STUPID THE NFL OVERTIME RULES ARE

Memo to the NFL: Having the outcome of a football game rest on the result of a coin flip is, uhh, a bit silly. Google "Kansas Plan" and see what comes up.

Portland has given up on trying to bring the Montreal Expos to the city for the 2004 baseball season, instead opting for a plan that would make it feasible to permanently relocate the team for 2005.
Oh well. It seemed like there wouldn't be much time to get a marketing effort going for the 2004 season anyway. It's disappointing, but I think our case will be stronger if we hold off another year.

Wild Card Rant: This time, a sensible article by David Lassen, of Scripps Howard News Service, accurately reflecting what the wild-card race is: a battle among mediocre teams.

For the love of Bruce Ruffin and Rob Dibble, we needed that one!

Aaaaarhrgrhgrhghhhhhh! If we lose home-field advantage to the Braves by one game, I'm going to look back on this one with all the disdain that I do that fateful day in September, 1993, when the Braves rallied from a 6-2 deficit to win with a two-run homer and a three-run homer in the bottom of the ninth inning against Cincinnati; a game that could certainly be viewed as thegame that caused us to lose out by one measly win.

So now we're still 2.5 games back in the race for home-field advantage. That was a bigger loss than most suspect, I would guess. Yes, even with a 10-plus game lead, we're still fighting for something.

Okay, so I didn't pick any games for Week 1. The one thing I know about the National Football League for sure is that in Week 1, you don't know nothin'. But I'm ready to put it all on the line. So here are my specials for Week 2:

Atlanta over Washington

Indianapolis over Tennessee

St. Louis over San Francisco

Jacksonville over Buffalo

Seattle over Arizona

Philadelphia over New England

San Diego over Denver

And a new feature on E.K. Sports: Get The Score Exactly Right On Monday Night Football. And here it is:

41 13

If I get it right on, all E.K. Sports readers are urged to send me valuable prizes.

This from Jayson Stark's latest Rumblings on ESPN.com, reprinted in its entirety for your convenience, because hell knows the wild-card system sure makes things convoluted and it just gets to be too much:

You may have heard the news this week that baseball finally revamped its tiebreaker rules this year. Wrong, Players Association's associate general counsel Gene Orza says. Those rules actually were changed last year, after being agreed to during the labor negotiations.

Whatever, the new rules make much more sense from a competitive standpoint -- but could easily cause a logistical postseason nightmare. Here's why:

Suppose the Cubs, Astros and Dodgers all finish this season with the same record -- but the Cubs and Astros are tied for first in the NL Central, while the Dodgers have the best record in the wild-card free-for-all. Under the old rules, it would have been the Dodgers who were guaranteed a playoff spot, not the teams that tied for first.

The Cubs and Astros would have played off for first place in the Central. That game, in keeping with tradition, would have counted in the standings. So the loser would have been eliminated, because the Dodgers would have been a half-game ahead of it in the standings.

Now, however, it wouldn't work that way. Under the new rules, the Cubs and Astros would play on the Monday after the season for the division. Then the loser would get a second chance and play the Dodgers on Tuesday.

On a philosophical basis, if you believe there should be some premium on finishing in first place, that makes sense. But imagine the practical side of that scenario.

The Astros finish the season on a Sunday in Houston. Depending on coin flips, they then could face this itinerary: Fly to Chicago and lose to the Cubs in Chicago on Monday. Then fly to Los Angeles and beat the Dodgers on Tuesday. Then fly to Atlanta and play the Braves in the playoffs Wednesday. Then jump on a plane back to Houston after the game Thursday.

Meanwhile, both NL Division Series are supposed to open on Tuesday. Instead, one would have to be pushed back a day. Which then pushes back the rest of the series a day. Which pushes back the NLCS. Which could slam into the World Series and mean no Saturday night game to open the Series. And boy, would that get nutty, after all of Bud Selig's talk about how impossible it is to get World Series hotel rooms on short notice.

And don't even ask what happens if the Cubs, Astros, Dodgers, Marlins and Phillies all finish with the same record. Baseball doesn't even have a plan for that one. They would need a special meeting to figure it out.

"It's all well and good to decide these things on the field," Orza said. "But everyone needs to be aware that doing that can clash with practicality on occasion. And people have to understand that. You can't decide everything on the field, or some year the World Series will be played in December."

Another byproduct of this change is this bit of illogic: Everything about that Cubs-Astros game would count in the regular-season statistics, but not in the regular-season standings. Same with the game against the Dodgers the next day. On the other hand, if there is a tie for the division -- but no tie with a third club for the wild card -- the playoff game does count in the standings. Only in baseball.

Aaaaaarghhhhh!!

They had it great in 1993!

Well, he didn't sign with the Giants over the off-season, but it was almost like he played for them last night, hitting a three-run jack to cap a five-run rally in the eighth to give Arizona a 5-4 win over the Dodgers and helping us lower our magic number to eight. Memo to the L.A. coaching staff: Where the hell was Eric Gagne? Take a chance, Jim Tracy! Bring him in! What are you doing? Can he just not pitch two innings, or even an inning-and-a-third? He used to be a starter, for the love of Dave Righetti! There was a save situation in there, so he could have gotten a cheap stat. You can't afford to lose any more games. Not that I care that the Dodgers lost, mind you.

And here's a great quote from Tracy:

"The suggestion is there that [Gagne]'s completely invincible, and there's a ninth inning that still has to be played, and they're one gapper away from tying the game," Tracy said. "You get into a tie situation, and you have no one to save the game." [article]

So it's more important for Gagne to get a save than for the Dodgers to get a win? Sheesh. I don't understand this mentality much.

Three more home runs, a good outing from Woody, and another win over San Diego. But speaking of the Padres, there's word that Benito may go back there when he's done in San Francisco. 2004 just might be Yorvit's time.

A very nice 8-3 victory by the G-Men last night, even though Barry wasn't one of the five Giants going deep. He did, however, go 2-for-2 with three walks, bringing his OBP to .534.

The guy is just awesome. An ESPN Insider writer says that the MVP should be renamed the Bonds Award--but that it should go to Luis Pujols [Yes, I meant "Albert"(8:10am, 9/11)--E.K.]. Sorry: I am now officially on the Bonds-For-MVP bandwagon. Pujols has some great stats, but Bonds' stats overall are still quite a bit better.

Also, Kevin Correia is playing well, with an ERA of 2.00 in his 27 innings. The magic number is now just ten. In 2000 the Giants clinched the division title on my birthday; maybe they could do that again?

Pennant Races As They Should Have Been: In the National League, the Braves lead San Francisco by 2.5 games in the West, and Philly and Florida are deadlocked in the East with the Cubbies just 2.5 games back in third. In the American League, the Yanks lead Boston by 3.5 games, and Oakland leads Seattle by 2.5 games.

Home-Field Advantage: Speaking of Atlanta being just 2.5 games up on the Giants, it's seriously time to drive for that home-field advantage. And I think the Giants can get it. Atlanta has five more games with Philadelphia and seven more with the Marlins, and both those teams are going to be playing hard in their playoff stretch drive. The Braves also have five more games with Montreal. The Giants, however, have six more with San Diego and three with Milwaukee before going on to games against Houston and L.A. to finish up the year. The next week will be the key for the Giants: If they can get even with the Braves for home-field, they just might have the edge.

Two-Point Conversion Rant, Continued: I was advised by reader Josh that the reason Miami went for one point instead of two in the fourth quarter on Saturday was that they had been assessed a big penalty and were forced to try it from the 17-yard-line. Alas, this information was unbeknownst to me—I only saw the scoring summary and not the write-up—and I must amend my statement saying Larry Coker is an idiot, by saying he is sort of an idiot. Going for two when you're down by 17 is just not smart.

Frankly, I'd have still gone for two. At that stage in the game (11 minutes left), I think it's time to make sure you capitalize on every opportunity you have to tie the score. Yes, it would have been a long play, 17 yards back, but I still would have tried. Being down by one isn't any better than being down by two if the clock shows 0:00.

I did not already know what college you went to. And if Al Michaels hadn't told us what we allegedly already knew, I still would not know. Frankly, if someone would have said, "Who is the tackle for the Eagles?" I would not have known. And now that I do know, what I am supposed to do with that information, after you and your offensive line helped the Eagles get a grand total of zero points last night? "Hey, you know that tackle for the Eagles who sucks? Yeah, well, I know what school he went to!"

By the way, why do "tackles" play on the offensive line? Shouldn't they be on defense?

As Los Angeles and Arizona beat each other up this week, the Giants should get three easy wins against San Diego. The magic number should be down to at most seven on Friday. I'm projecting that the division will be wrapped up officially with a victory at Dodger Stadium a week from Friday, the first game in that three-game set. The Giants haven't done any clinching in Los Angeles since 1962; I think Giants fans would be very happy if it turned out that way this year.

NFL Picks: I thought I'd be the only one touting the Indianapolis Colts as this year's projected Super Bowl winner. But lo and behold, there was Jim Nantz on CBS's pregame show telling us the Colts will meet the Buccaneers in the big game. Nantz of course was the one who gave a Tampa Bay-Oakland prognostication before last season. Not only that, but Boomer Esiason picked the Colts and the Rams, matching my two selections.

Wild-Card Rant: Does the wild-card format make everyone stupid, or just Joe Morgan?

After last night's Phillies-Mets game, won by Philly in a riveting 11 innings, Morgan said that's the beauty of baseball this time of year: We get an exciting game played by teams that still have a stake in the playoff chase. Without referring specifically to the wild-card system--but obviously that's what he meant--he implied that if we didn't have it, the game "wouldn't have had the same meaning for the Phillies."

Joe, if we didn't have the wild-card format, this game would have had first-place implications. Last night's win would have given the Phils a one-game lead over Florida for first place. Remember? The Phillies and Marlins were in the East Division pre-1994, but the Braves were in the West.

First Place. Don't make me say it again.

Maybe The Wild-Card System Doesn't Make Everyone Stupid, But The Two-Point Conversion Sure Does: The situation: Miami trails Florida State 33-25 in the first few minutes of the fourth quarter. Brock Berlin throws a touchdown pass to Ryan Moore. Now the score is 33-31. Miami then goes for the two-point conversion, and gets it, tying the game at 33.

Uhhh....wait a minute....

Actually, I've just been told the Hurricanes went for the extra point kick.

Hang on, let me check the scoring summary again...let's see if we have this right....

Yep. Miami went for one point, making it 33-32.

Huh. That's interesting.

No, it's not! It's not interesting! It's friggin' stupid! Why the hell do you go for one in the fourth quarter when you are down by two? Do they teach Math 101 at Miami, jackasses?

Not only that, why did you go for two in the third quarter when you should have gone for one? If you go for two when you trail by 17 and fail, that means you are now three scores behind, instead of being two scores behind at 16 points back.

One thing's for sure: Larry Coker, you are an idiot. There are no two ways about that. Somebody take that useless little headset he's wearing and burn it.

Stupid NFL Rules: What's with this "he would have come down in bounds if he hadn't been nudged by the defender" crap? Last night's Titans-Raiders game provided an excellent example of the NFL's penchant for enacting ridiculous rules. Derrick Mason was still going upwards when he crossed the back line of the end zone. There was no way he would have come down in bounds if there had been no contact. Besides, shouldn't the defender be allowed to nudge you out of bounds? Shouldn't that be part of the job?

49ers Beat Chicago 49-7: I have no idea what to say about this game, because the stupid local Fox affiliate here in Portland put on the Aints-Seabiscuits game. This Seattle-ite invasion of Portland is insane.

Reader Josh wrote in with comments about my wild card rant, so how 'bout we dive right back in?

Joe Morgan had written, "In 1993, the Giants won 103 games but missed the postseason because the Braves (then in the NL West) won 104 games. The Phillies won the NL East with 97 wins that year, so the NL's best two teams weren't playing in October." I responded, "What Morgan doesn't grasp is that both first-place teams were playing in October."

Josh then asked, "My question to you is: Why does the fact that the 1993 Phillies were a 'first-place team' make any kind of dent at all in Morgan's argument?"

Looking back, I think my comment needs more explanation; the confusion is understandable. Indeed, I was trying to be as brief as possible in my rant (“brief, E.K.??”). I contend that the three-month-long stretch drive between those two teams was infinitely more interesting than it would have been if both teams were pretty much guaranteed playoff spots back in June due to their superior records. Morgan would sacrifice the drawn-out drama of a race between two awesome teams in favor of letting them both get in the playoffs and have that race mean absolutely nothing. In a sense, instead of advocating a system where fans of most, if not all, teams could be kept interested until the end of the season, Morgan would be advocating a system where fans of the league’s best teams would be completely bored for three months while everyone else played the season out, while fans who ordinarily don’t care enough about baseball to watch games in September would be appeased.

Josh continues:

You yourself have been decrying the terrible Central divisions and the fact that because of them an undeserving team will be playing in October. But then you contradict yourself by saying the Phillies deserved to be in the post-season despite being worse than the Giants simply because they carried the artificial title of division champion. With that logic we could just make five separate three team divisions and have all five "Division Champs" in a playoff round robin tourney and that would be okay because they would all be "Division Champs" (no wild cards).

First off, the Phillies were not “artifically” the division champion; they did indeed win it legitimately, and I think baseball’s divisions now are still legitimate (although the A.L. West, with a mere four teams, is pushing it. Good thing the West has had some great teams in it over the last few years, otherwise I’d cite this tiny division as a bad precedent, and probably should be doing so anyway). Teams that finish in first place are still legitimate winners in my book. Once we get down to three-team divisions, as Josh suggests, tongue-in-cheek, that’s stretching it quite a bit.

In fact, I have often said that if keeping more teams alive until the very end of the season makes baseball better, as wild-card proponents suggest, why not have fifteen two-team divisions, and allow all division champions and nine second-place finishers to make it? That way only six teams are denied an exciting postseason appearance, and fans of those teams theoretically will have had almost a full season of excitement. Of course, that idea is ridiculous and flies in the face of the more-teams-means-more-excitement argument. People of all opinions tend to agree that the NBA regular season, for example, is pretty pointless because so many teams get into the playoffs.

Josh writes, “Remember, under 1968 rules the 1993 Phillies would've finished third to the Braves and Giants and missed the post-season (then just the World Series).” Of course, under 1968 rules, the Giants would have missed out too, making race for first place during the regular season important again.

Up until this point, I’ve understood Josh’s concern. Here, however, is where Josh and I completely part ways:

Then you follow your poor argument with an out and out falsehood:

[W]hile lamenting the exclusion of a very good Giants ballclub from the playoffs that year because they were one game poorer than the Braves, Morgan forgets that in 2001, the Giants won more games than the Braves, and yet the Braves made it to the postseason and the Giants were again shut out. The wild-card system, in effect, did nothing that year to prevent a scenario similar to the 1993 scenario he decries.

Under ANY divisional system the possibility exists that a team will not make the playoffs even though they have a better record than a team which achieved the postseason. But to call the 2001 scenario "similar" is a stretch at the very, very best. While the Giants did have a better record than the Braves, by defition, they did NOT have one of the best two records in the league or they would have made the postseason. In fact, they had the FOURTH best record in the league. Not much to brag about. I can't remember one single cry of the Giants being screwed out of their rightful spot as I did in 1993.

First, I understand that the 1969-1993 system did not guarantee that no team would make the playoffs while a better team got left out any more so than the current system doesn’t guarantee that. Second, I still say the scenarios are similar, because it seemed to me part of the fuss in 1993 was over the Giants being denied a spot in the playoffs while a lesser team (the Phillies) got in. In 2001, the Giants had the better record than the Braves and yet the Braves got in and the Giants didn’t. Complaints about the 1993 situation should be paired with references to the one in 2001, I believe. Third, I never suggested that the Giants were ripped off; they finished second, and to me, that’s good enough for an exclusion from the playoffs.

Fourth, and most important, Josh says that the fourth-best record in the league is nothing to brag about. And yet he has no problem with the wild-card system, which guarantees that not only will the fourth-best team in each league still be in the running for a playoff spot, but also that the worst team in the playoffs in each league will be no better than fourth. In fact, in 1994, the strike-shortened year, the Texas Rangers were headed to the playoffs despite having —get this—the eleventh best record in the American League. Had they stayed at that pace, the Rangers would have been given by the wild-card format a playoff spot despite being a full ten games under .500. This is an absolute atrocity, and it turns out that one good thing to come out of the strike was that this situation was avoided.

One last comment from Josh: “But I will give you this: the concept of the unbalanced schedule—which I once favored strongly—makes absolutely no sense when taken in the context of a wild card race.” This is true, but the unbalanced schedule concept is the only reason I believe all division winners still have legitimacy; if the schedule were balanced, division titles would often be the result of an arbitrary alignment.

One last argument from me for now: Isn’t it better to have the focus be on finishing first instead of second? Isn’t a division title race more interesting than a wild-card race, especially between teams in separate divisions?

Thanks, Josh, for writing to me and taking an interest in the site! I welcome all opposing comments.

What with the season beginning tonight, I should get my picks in. These are unscientific predictions. I would not use this as a guide in Vegas. I won't bother ranking every team in each division.

NFC Division champions: St. Louis (West), Philadelphia (East), Green Bay (North), Tampa Bay (South).

NFC Wild cards: Atlanta, Minnesota.

AFC Division champions: Denver (West), New England (East), Baltimore (North), Indianapolis (South).

AFC Wild cards: Miami, San Diego.

NFC CHAMPIONSHIP: St. Louis def. Tampa Bay.

AFC CHAMPIONSHIP: Indianapolis def. Denver.

SUPER BOWL XXXVIII: 34, 14

I've caught up on my sleep, having returned from Phoenix by way of Las Vegas at the bright and shiny hour of 3:15 yesterday morning. And the trip to Bank One Ballpark was a great one, with three victories by the Giants in the can. The games were well-played and full of great pitching; just one error, lots and lots of strikeouts and exactly nine runs total. The Giants managed to strike out in totals that reached double figures in each game but won the games 2-1, 3-1 and 2-0. And a big highlight was of course Barry Bonds, who knocked a home run in his second plate appearance on Saturday after a week off to mourn the death of his father and also got the game-winning two-run single in the ninth on Monday.

It was a very emotional day for Barry on Saturday, a rollercoaster of sorts: He hit the home run, touched home plate and pointed skyward a bit longer than he usually does on such an occasion, and upon returning to the dugout he was shedding a tear (a fact I learned later on SportsCenter that night). Then late in the game he was removed from the game and then taken to a hospital with a fast heart rate and what turned out to be a case of exhaustion. He appears to be fine now, having returned with the team for last night's 2-1 victory over Colorado, but the Giants will be keeping an eye on him for a while.

Bank One Ballpark: The stadium is situated in a very small and very deserted downtown Phoenix. The temperature was hovering around 105 degrees the entire trip, so of course they had closed the roof, allowing for some welcome air-conditioning, bringing it down to a cool 79 or 82 degrees. And therein lies the one major problem with the stadium: It's a cavernous dungeon in there with the roof closed, and all of the high tech scoreboard gadgetry and internal nuances common in newer baseball stadiums couldn't much keep the atmosphere from resembling the parking-garage depression of a Kingdome. Once the games were over, the roof would be opened again to help the grass grow, and when the bright sunlight hit every corner of the inside of the park I saw glimpses of what could be a glorious place to play ball if it weren't so damn hot. The contrast was dramatic.

I saw much more Giants gear at the games than I had expected and was afforded more than a few opportunities to talk with fellow Giants rooters. Ticket takers outside were playfully making crosses with their fingers as I approached, Giants hat squarely atop the dome. And even just two years removed from a World Series championship, Diamondbacks fans weren't much in the mood to curse the G-Men or trash talk. The P.A. man would announce that the D-Backs were "two-time defending West Division champions", a proclamation tempered a bit by the presence of the defending National League pennant winners. And I was proud to be a Giants fan amidst the throng of purple snake shirts.

We started at the third level for game 1, then moved down a level for each of the remaining two games, ending up in the "bleacher" seats (there was indeed no sun to truly bleach us) for Monday's game. Arrival on Monday was two hours early, in anticipation of batting practice. Surely I thought I would get a ball; alas, no B.P. was taken at all. I thought that was a bit ironic, it being Labor Day and all. But then again we tend to not labor on Labor Day.

Wound up paying nineteen-and-a-half dollars (!) for an official Major League baseball, and took it down to the Giants' side, where I picked up the autographs of young pitchers Jerome Williams and Jesse Foppert. Man, do they look young. But they were very personable and accommodating, even with the older folks. So finally, after 25 years of rooting for the Giants, I finally have a Giant's autograph.

Some notes of interest:

Jason Schmidt has excellent control. Okay, we knew that already. But on Sunday night he didn't start off a hitter with a ball until the third inning, and for the first two innings threw just two balls total. That's simply great stuff. And the only man he walked (Luis Gonzalez in the fourth) was the only man who scored.

A 44 oz. pop, a 32 oz. pop and a 20 oz. water will run you $14.25 at the BOB. Man, you could almost get a baseball for that. Two words: Arrive hydrated.

Baseball fans just simply DO NOT KNOW WHEN TO CHEER. Two cases in point: 1) On Sunday, in the fifth inning, Rich Aurilia hit a fly ball to left field, and once Gonzalez made the catch for the out, Edgardo Alfonzo scored. This play was cheered WILDLY by the Diamondbacks fans. Note to you, guys: When the opposing team scores a run, usually it's a bad thing. In this case, it was. Your team went from trailing 2-1 to trailing 3-1. However, it's not always a bad thing when your opponent scores a run, even in a very close game: 2) In the bottom of the ninth on Saturday, the D-Backs were down by two runs but threatening. Raul Mondesi had doubled and with one out, Junior Spivey singled him to third. The next batter, Danny Bautista, hit a grounder to shortstop. Spivey was forced at second, but Mondesi scored. This play too was cheered WILDLY by the Diamondbacks fans. Note to you, guys: Yes, it's great when your team scores and everything, but the situation for your team had not gotten better. It had gotten significantly WORSE. Never mind that the score was now 2-1 instead of 2-0: Not only had the Giants recorded another out, but also, the tying run had not advanced on the play. Mondesi's scoring was an insignificant event in terms of the outcome of the game. I was cheering wildly too; my team was one out closer to winning. Shouldn't D-Backs fans have stopped to wonder why I was cheering the play?

People will boo Barry Bonds whenever they can. For cryin' out loud, people, his father just died, you jerks. Can't you go easy on him right now? You are pathological. Do you go to funerals and boo the family dressed in black too? That's simply embarrassing behavior. If you booed Barry Bonds this week, you are a world-class asshole.