E.K. NATION

Here is Albert Pujols last night, turning on a Chris Young pitch and changing Young's face from an actual human face to a meal of mashed yeast and beet juice. That's gonna take a lot of Tide. Oh, and then two batters later, Albert chugs around third, slides home and turns catcher Josh Bard's left leg into a bag of Twisty Stix. Maybe they should just rename Petco Park "Cloverfield." Just think about what Albert could do if he were actually trying to hurt someone.

American Idol finishes up: Not much to talk about today except for the final result. I did not watch most of last night's schlockfest, wherein I'm guessing they brought out the Top 12 singers and some celebrity singers to do random songs that have nothing to do with anything. I did tune in to catch the results, though, and was pleasantly surprised when David Cook's name was called out as the winner. The voters got it right: David Cook is the more talented singer of the two. Archuleta is still just a kid, and he has some polishing up to do before he'll make it big in the music world. He can sing, but he had a few moments of messing up the lyrics and such that are not typical of an American Idol winner. Cook, on the other hand, performs like a seasoned pro and is a lot more versatile than Archuleta. The only problem is, Cook's gonna have to have some cheeseball songs on his first album. Oh well, he'll get past all that.

Just got done watching the shootout to determine the winner of the Champions League, and it turns out that deciding a championship on free kicks (it can't be "penalty kicks" because being tied is not a penalty) is a lame-ass way to determine to wins a soccer game. Anyway, there was a team wearing red jerseys with "AIG" on them, and they beat a team wearing blue jerseys with "Samsung" written on them. This whole spectacle, which had nothing to do with soccer, was like having the Spurs and Lakers take part in a free throw contest to determine who wins the Western Conference in the NBA. Shootouts suck! They suck in soccer, they suck in hockey, they suck everywhere. Tip: When you get to overtime, play the damn sport you played during regulation time. Is that so difficult to grasp? Sheesh.

Jon Lester, who battled back from a spell with cancer not too long ago, pitched a no-hitter tonight for the Boston Red Sox against the Kansas City Royals. And I don't have a clip yet of the last out, so what I'm going to do is post the last inning of Don Cardwell's no-hitter at Wrigley Field on May 15, 1960 against St. Louis. YouTube is quite the amazing project. If enough people hear about YouTube I think whoever invented YouTube might be able to make a couple hundred dollars one day.

What tonight's no-hitter means is that E.K. Nation must select a new E.K. Nation Next Pitcher To Throw A No-Hitter™, so let's just choose someone at random from tomorrow's starting pitchers. I'll be right back...

...I'm back. You know, I had already thought of selecting Tim Lincecum, seeing as how he's a really good pitcher and all. Turns out he is pitching tomorrow. He would become the second consecutive Giant to be E.K. Nation's Next Pitcher To Throw A No-Hitter™...and so it is. Congrats, Tim, on your selection. Nobody has ever actually thrown a no-hitter while being E.K. Nation's Next Pitcher To Throw A No-Hitter™, and might I remind you that no Giant has thrown a no-hitter since before I became a Giants fan way back in 1978? It's time. Do it, Timmy.

E.K.: Going through my mind right now is how when the Top 12 was announced I said that Syesha would be the first one eliminated. Congrats to her for making the final three, and congrats to the two Davids for their upcoming finals appearance.

Smooth: We started out with judge's choice songs, which were delivered to the contestants in the most contrived ways imaginable. David Archuleta did "And So It Goes", which is definitely a song that fits into his oeuvre. He kept his eyes closed through much of the song, and my eyes were closing too. The accompaniment is nearly inaudible. I like this song, and he sounds good, but it is so low-key that I think it's not really something you want to perform on Idol.

E.K.: I think the inaudible nature of the music was on purpose. David is a great singer, if not versatile, as we saw later in the show. And he did well with the minimalist backing. He (or whoever fixes the songs for their inexplicable 12-second-long arrangements) definitely chose the right lyrics to use. But the eyes closing was a weird thing, I will agree.

Smooth: Syesha Mercado was happy to be singing "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys. She was wearing a dress that would have looked at home on the Titanic. She hits all the notes, but her voice just doesn't have much character and she doesn't try to tweak anything. It wasn't bad, and it had more energy than D.A.'s song, but it wasn't anything special.

E.K. It was pretty much an Alicia impression, and I've never been an Alicia Keys fan, not that she's bad or anything but just 'cause it's music I don't normally have in my CD player, but I thought it was pretty good. The only thing is, she needed to do a showstopper to have any chance of making the Final Two, and this one wasn't it. She had two more shots at it...

Smooth: David Cook is tasked with Roberta Flack's "First Time Ever I Saw Your Face". Good choice by Simon, since David can't just do a copycat version (or at least, he sure shouldn't try). I could tell it would be more interesting than the first two songs. Indeed it was. It started off a little scary because it's very high in his range, but he pulled it off, and the song got better as he went. Randy calls it predictable (?!) because he's a moron.

E.K. I thought he did as best he could with the song choice, and I started throwing up because at this point in the show the judges really started to make it all about them and not the singers. It's really been horrible this year with the back-and-forth among the three of them, and really, it makes me want to puke in a baby's mouth.

Smooth: Next were the contestant's choice songs. D.A. did Chris Brown's "With You", a recent R&B - almost hip-hop - song. It was laughably bad. He absolutely cannot pull a song like this off. The vocal style doesn't match his voice and (since he is asexual)--

E.K. I'm going to have you pause here for a moment while I laugh. "He's asexual." Classic. I don't know why I find that hilarious but I do. Okay. Continue.

Smooth: --the lyrics seem nonsensical. His utter lack of street cred makes me chuckle every time he uses the term "boo" to refer to a woman. It's honestly pretty embarrassing, especially given the stage of the competition.

E.K. Yeah, I mean, he hit all the notes and everything but there was just something so odd about it. And Simon called it "dancing", when it really was just bouncing back and forth and, well, not dancing. Again, it's like a performance from a New Mickey Mouse Club episode.

Smooth: Syesha picked "Fever", which I find odd. This seems really played out, like a song someone might do in the audition rounds or something. She tried to sex it up, but although she looks pretty good, her movements come across as somewhat awkward and desperate. The vocal is OK, not her best, as she gets off tempo a bit at times. This song requires a bit more of a growl, and again her voice is just too vanilla.

E.K. I guess I found it much sexier than you did. I realize that the nature of a performance like that is pure cabaret, but it still gave me a bon--ahem, um, it still, ummm...I was very aroused.

Smooth: D.C. did a Switchfoot song ("Dare You to Move"). The vocal at the beginning isn't very good. It's a tad too low for him and he's mumbling. Oddly, like the last time he did a contemporary rock song it doesn't work as well as his versions of older stuff. It gets better towards the end when he can launch into his full rock voice. All in all the contestant's choice round reminds us why music producers are valuable.

E.K. Yeah, the last few times he's done a rock song he hasn't gotten much of a chance to launch into that rock singer voice he has. It's pretty ridiculous that they still can't do a full three- or four-minute performance, even with just three people left. The singers can't adequately let a song build to a climax. Can't they spend more time on the singing and less time with the judges bickering amongst themselves and all the iTunes reminders? Well, maybe they can't. No, wait, yes, they can.

Smooth: Finally we had the producer's choice songs. D.A. did a Dan Fogelberg song, which... totally. Generation Y has been screaming out for a 21st century Dan Fogelberg, and now they've got him. D.A. was wearing his (crazy) dad's shirt. It sounded good, with some nice harmony, although the backup singer should get some credit for that. Other than that it was the same boringly boring thing he always does, but people seem to like it, so I can see why it was chosen for him. Randy keeps saying he can "sing the phone book". Well, he sure can't sing Chris Brown, so that theory's out. Simon called it "gooey" which is disturbing but accurate.

E.K. Once again, he sang adequately but I agree. It's pretty much the same thing over and over. And the girls screamed with squealy glee yet again, pretty much confirming what we already knew, which was that Archuleta had no chance of not being in the final. Also, I'm a bit on the fence as to whether it's been long enough since Dan Fogelberg's death to start trashing the guy's song.

Smooth: Because the producers totally didn't want Syesha in the finals, they gave her an obscure song ("Hit Me Up" by Gia Farrell). It's energetic and she seems to enjoy herself. It doesn't sound all that great, though. Again, it's not a good fit for her voice. I think she did the best she could with it, but as Simon points out she needed a bigger moment to win votes, not just a fluffy dance number.

E.K. I thought it was pretty blah. You're right; there's no way you can connect with the audience in a Fantasia-"Summertime"- or Katharine-McPhee-"Rainbow" way if nobody knows the song. I must admit I didn't. I don't even know who Gia Farrell is. She sang it well, but there was nothing she could do to avoid being voted out.

Smooth: D.C. wrapped it up with - - "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing". I hate this song so I knew I wouldn't like it. Anyway, he did about what you'd expect with it, with the rock glory notes and whatnot. I'm covering my ears to avoid this song's horribility, but I think he hits the requisite high notes. Whatever, is it over yet?

E.K. The arrangement, for starters, was ridiculous. Yet another example of how screwed the format is. The singers can't let anything build up to a big finish in ninety seconds. It's a good song for him to do, though, and I'm glad he didn't try a Steven-Tyler-style yelp. Cook should be the favorite going into the final, but with so many teen girls voting, Archuleta might take it.

Smooth: Syesha, you had a good run.

E.K. Congrats, Parvati. Oh, wait, wrong show.

# posted by Eric @ 5:31 PM

Here's last night's unassisted triple play by Asdrubal Cabrera. Looks like he didn't know how many outs there were for a moment, because after the second out, he almost starts to run off the field, then he realizes he can tag the runner and get one more out. Nice play. But you gotta know how many outs there are.

On YouTube, we're finding several clips by The Batting Stance Guy. He's got some 3-to-4-minute-long clips of impressions of baseball players' batting stances in recent years. And this is very entertaining stuff, although I suppose only if you know who these guys are and know how they swing the bat. I can do Will Clark and Willie McGee, but this guy can do a bunch, including those two, and pretty much everything is spot-on and usually hilarious. Here he is, doing Yankees, Red Sox, Cardinals, and a bunch of guys from the 80s and 90s. I fully expect that he will do more...

A condensed version of the Sports Night episode "The Giants Win The Pennant! The Giants Win The Pennant!" Of course it's better when you see the full episode, and of course it's even better when it's watched during the show's two-year run. And maybe the next paragraph is why I posted this link. The line "He hit a baseball" might not seem like it means much when read here, out of context, but it makes sense the way Josh Charles reads it near the end of the clip. Sports are important, but there are important things in life than sports, and sometimes we forget that.

To a special dog: I lost you yesterday. Your name was Bandit and you were a Siberian husky and you were one of the reasons why dogs are the finest species that walk the earth. I will always remember how your spot was the little corner in the staircase. I will never forget that night when I let you out into the front yard thinking that since you were feeling sick you'd do your thing and come right back in, but no, you suddenly took off and I had to chase you wearing nothing but boxer shorts at 2:00 in the morning on a sub-freezing December morning. I will always remember how you were a "talker"; the way it seemed that when you had something to say it was almost as if you were actually saying the words "bow wow" in your growl. I will always remember the "'Dito Dance". And of course, I will never forget the time when you chewed through two leashes in the span of a half-hour while we were eating dinner and raced around the house and down the street, making me chase you twice more. The tears I cried at midnight Friday when I got home and you couldn't walk out to the front yard and I realized something might be dreadfully wrong, and on Saturday morning when you couldn't get up and you whimpered all the while, and Saturday afternoon in "Noodles' Lobby" at Dove Lewis, and yesterday after Siri and I had our final discussion about the toughest decision a dog lover can ever make, those tears were all of sadness. Every tear from here on out, however, will be out of joy for having known you, Bandit. I was never your official owner, and I didn't get to live with you in your last couple years of life, save for those weekends when I dogsat you and Maggie, but I always felt you were my dog anyway. I don't believe in heaven or in any afterlife, but you're one of the reasons that I hope beyond all hope that there actually is some sort of afterlife where I will be able to see you again. I love you, buddy, and I'm going to miss you for the rest of my life.

E.K.: Here we are with yet another American Idol recap, and I must say, the themes this year have been ridiculous, in that they've hardly gotten to do any songs from this decade, let alone the last couple of years. Somebody singing "Proud Mary" or "Love Me Tender" doesn't mean a whole lot if there isn't a balance there. Anyway, Smooth, start us off with David Cook.

Smooth: His first song was "Hungry Like the Wolf", and he did a surprisingly straightforward rendition. It's fine, but it just sounds like Scott Weiland at a karaoke contest. Also (maybe this was just my TV) it seemed like the mix was way off, I could only hear the lead vocal, with everything else being very quiet. I found it strange that he didn't try to do more with it. The judges were not kind. His second song was "Baba O'Riley". He eliminated the trademark keyboard riff and slowed it way down. It was OK, but I had some issues with it. I've heard Pearl Jam's cover a number of times, so this version doesn't sound terribly fresh, and it's just too slow for an inherently energetic song. At the end it sounded like he was going to jump up to the normal tempo but he doesn't. It was not Cook's best night, but he was OK. I'm starting to wonder if his musical bag of tricks has been turned upside down and shaken one too many times.

E.K.: His take on "Hungry Like The Wolf" was completely "So what?" for me. You've got all these songs from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame classes and that is what you choose to do? Sheesh. I was much more interested to hear his take on the Who song, because I figured, here we go. He'll let the showmanship thing fly right now. And he didn't. I was simply stunned by his lack of energy Tuesday night, and also by his admission last night that his head wasn't in it that entire day. Huh?

Smooth: Next was Syesha Mercado, who opened with "Proud Mary". Not a fan of this song choice - she even pointed out how much it's been covered. Don't do it, then, Syesha! She even dressed kinda like Tina Turner, further inviting comparisons to her version. The vocal is surprisingly poor. She was all over the place pitchwise and some of the phrasing is odd. Maybe she's concentrating on the rather lame "choreography" too much, I don't know. Simon is the only judge to agree with me.

E.K.: I'll at least give her credit for trying to do the showmanship thing. It did seem like a somewhat bad Tina impression, but at least there was energy there. I wasn't too horrified by the vocals. And by the way...she is getting hotter and hotter every show. Must be the hairstyles. Wow.

Smooth: Before the second song, "A Change is Gonna Come", Syesha compared her time on American Idol to the Civil Rights movement. Yeah, she did that. I feel like I want to punch her.

E.K.: I'm just glad I don't recall hearing anyone refer to the competition as a "journey".

Smooth: Anyway, the vocal on the second song was pretty good. It's got a lot of glory notes that she did well with, although overall I think she did oversing it a bit. Afterwards she started blubbering, because when Randy doesn't like her vocal that's basically comparable to Martin Luther King being assassinated.

E.K.: I dunno, I thought she was crying because she was happy about Paula and Simon liking what she did. But I like your ire at the spectacle. And then last night she said that "A Change Is Gonna Come" was an appropriate song because we might have our first female or black president. If they're still lame, though, who cares? Okay, enough politics. What is this, Hardball? No, this is definitely much more important.

Smooth: Jason Castro's first song ("I Shot the Sheriff") was a train wreck, no doubt. Bob Marley is simply iconic and should not be attempted, especially by some goofy white dude.

E.K.: With dreads!

Smooth: And Jason didn't sound very good while attempting it. The second song ("Mr. Tambourine Man") had the potential to be good, but he totally forgot half a verse, and it's like another train comes in and smashes into the still-smoldering wreck of the previous song. After that I didn't even hear the rest of the song because I was lost in my amazement how he possibly even got this far. Awful.

E.K.: We should never have to deal with hearing contestants forget lyrics. Not in the auditions, not in Hollywood Week, not in the prelims, and certainly not the final four. Ridiculous. They should have done that whole cane-coming-out-from-the-side-to-pull-him-off-the-stage thing. How come that never happens anymore? I would love to see that.

Smooth: I have to laugh at the way David Archuleta is being dressed, like there's any way he would choose a T-shirt that didn't have a picture of Winnie-the-Pooh on it. Actually, make that Eeyore. He sounded pretty good on "Stand By Me", doing the standard Archuleta thing with tons of vocal runs. Luckily (for him), the song is right in his range and it has a very simple melody so the ornamentation wasn't quite as off-putting as it normally is. It ended up being one of his better performances in a while, I think. The second song is... pretty much more of the same, except now he's doing "Love Me Tender". I think he's a lot more comfortable singing songs he already knows, and it shows in his vocal.

E.K.: Yeah, I don't have any problems with what David did. He got out there, did his thing, and it was pleasant if not spectacular, and I can not stand the squealing from the little girls in the crowd. Tuesday night it seemed to go on forever and I just wanted to throw something. So anyway, what did you say about what would happen if Jason hadn't been eliminated?

Smooth: I would have eaten my left arm.

E.K.: Good thing you are right-handed. I, on the other hand, would have pulled my own arms off, beaten myself to death with them, and then put my left arm back where my right arm had been and my right arm back where my left arm had been and then carried my own dead body out into the street for pickup by Waste Management. All the while wondering, how the hell is it physically possible that I am doing this?

Well, those of you who just watched the Kentucky Derby heard the sad news that Eight Belles had to be euthanized almost immediately after the race due to two broken front ankles. That sucks.

Here are some things I found on the interwebs today.

• Paula Abdul's batshit-crazy comments after the first round of American Idol songs on Wednesday night. She tells Jason Castro what she thought of his second performance, which hadn't happened yet. Again, she should be fired. (Fast forward to about the 3:32 mark.)

• A dissertation on playing A-J in no-limit Texas hold 'em. Thank you, Hammer Player's Poker Blog, for reminding us how silly many poker players are.

• YouTube clip: What it would look and sound like had Star Wars been made around 1960 and had Saul Bass done an opening title sequence for it. I don't know who made this video but it's classic.

• A San Jose Sharks fan was killed by a shark recently. Remind me not to go to any mountains any time soon. I'm a Colorado Avalanche fan.

• You know, everyone does a Christopher Walken impression, but I think Anthony Ahern from the Australian comedy sketch show The Wedge has everyone beat. "I find it amusing, it makes me laugh...but, he's an asshole."

• An online Deal or No Deal game. I know it's not for real money, but I still get pissed when I knock out the $1,000,000 case. Also, be prepared to spend hours on this damn thing.

You're playing in a poker tournament along with, say, 5,483 other contestants. Day 1 goes by and you've survived, Day 2 comes and goes and you're still stockpiling chips, Day 3 arrives and you start barreling over your opponents with your chip stacks, and pretty soon you find yourself at the final table. Nine players left. You feel like you're on the roll of a lifetime; you're playing the rush, as they say. Now you're ready to take on the lights and the atmosphere of the feature table at the Rio...

...and you've gotta wait four months.

The World Series of Poker announced that for this year's main event, which will take place in the first half of July, play will stop once the final table of nine players is set...and will not continue until November.

My initial reaction was, "WTF"? Note: I actually said the letters in that abbreviation.

Man, I hope this works. Right now it sounds incredibly silly.

Kentucky Derby pick: I don't know anything about horse racing, really. But I do think that the favorite Big Brown's being stuck in position 20 means he has a considerable portion of track to make up during the run. It's not a whole lot but down the stretch it could make the difference. My guess is Colonel John. Take that, Vegas!

We're pressed for time. Smooth, go!

Smooth: I didn't like either song by Jason Castro that much. He did OK, better than some of the last few weeks. It was kind of cruise-shippy, partially a product of the theme I think.

E.K.: We're seeing the same performance from him every night. And it was doubly boring, because of the two songs.

Smooth: I thought David Cook was the best of the night, although that might not be saying that much. He really did make his songs sound contemporary, especially the second one, which was no easy feat.

E.K.: The guy is great at arranging his numbers so that they 1) fit his style and 2) sound contemporary, just like you pointed out. Plus, he just sings well pretty much every week. Brooke White, on the other hand, was hit and miss this week...or rather, miss and hit, because the first one, "I'm A Believer", was ridiculous. The emotion on that one was so fake, which bothers me, Brooke Fan that I am. There's no way that song should ever be considered by a Top 5 contestant, ever. However, with her second song, "I Am, I Said", she showed her true colors, and that's all I can ask for. I liked how when Simon said her first song was "a nightmare", she immediately piped up, "No! No, no, no," smiling all the while. She's still just a genuine performer who isn't taking this thing so seriously that she'd cry if she got voted out, and that part of her I like the most.

Smooth: The first song was truly awful. It was a bad fit for her voice and her performance was weird. Second one was standard-issue Brooke. As for David Archuleta, could you pick two more ridiculous and obvious songs? There is absolutely NO WAY that those songs don't sound karaoke. He didn't even sound that great anyway, and we got a lot of stoic Muppet-face as usual.

E.K.: His problem, to my ears, is his youth, because although he sang well, I can't take those versions of those songs ("Sweet Caroline" and "America") and not think they resembled something we'd see on the Mickey Mouse Club. It was Cheese Ball all the way, and he didn't connect with me. Of course, I am not a shrieking 13-year-old girl, which is his target demographic and which he hit a bulls-eye on of course.

Smooth: As for Syesha Mercado, the first song was meh; good, but very forgettable. I liked the second one more. She sounded good again. Good energy, almost a bit over the top at times but fun overall. Simon says he thinks she's in danger -- maybe he's actually trying to help boost her vote count?

E.K.: I too was surprised by his comments. She's been getting more impressive as the weeks go on. I remember what I said weeks ago: "Tune in next week when we find out who will make the Top 11! Not so fast, Syesha!" And am wondering, how did she overcome her blandness so fast and deliciously? And I say "deliciously" because she looked fantastic this week. (Side note: About those extensions, girls? Here's a clue: Just grow your hair out already. That's when you look the best!) Now...can we talk about Paula for a second? What the hell?

Smooth: She is seriously batshit crazy. Here's what happened: Since there were two songs for each singer, they decided to streamline the show a bit and wait until all five contestants were done with their first number before commenting. They brought them all out after Syesha was done with her first song, and then the judges commented on all of them briefly, just like we're doing now. Paula addressed Jason, commenting on his first song, and then talked about his second song, which left her "empty", even though -- this is precious -- it hadn't occurred yet.. I am assuming she was looking at notes from dress rehearsal, but that was embarrassing as hell.

E.K.: But my question is this: She said Jason's second -- and non-existent to that point -- song wasn't good, but then after she had been told he hadn't sung twice yet, she sputtered, "You know what? I'm looking at--it's your notes, David [Cook]. You were fantastic." Which was weird, because if she had been looking at her notes on David Cook, she wouldn't have said the performance left her empty. I guess my question is: Why is she still allowed to be a judge on this show?

Smooth: It was one of those "WTF?" moments you might have with your friends when you say something out of left field, except it was on national TV, and she didn't cover for it very well.

E.K.: No, she's a mess. Drunk? On medication? An idiot? I don't know, but I do know that she is the Joe Morgan of American Idol analyzing.

Smooth: Anyway, my bottom two is Jason and Brooke, and Brooke will be voted out. Last week I was way off on her but I really don't think she'll last another week.

E.K.: Something tells me Brooke and Syesha are the bottom two tonight, and that Syesha is gone. I really do. As good as she is, she just isn't as memorable as Brooke, or any of the others. Maybe Simon was right. But Jason is also a good guess. We shall see in about an hour!

Smooth: Well, going in I thought this was the Worst Theme Ever. Seriously, Andrew Lloyd Webber has written some well known stuff for Broadway, but nothing in his repertoire is at all relevant to what any of these kids would do if they cut an album.

E.K.: No kidding. The themes this season have just completely sucked. Has anyone gotten to do an actual relevant non-Mariah Carey song from this decade? Seriously, off-hand, I can't think of one.

Smooth: Plus, he is seriously freaky looking. Yikes. We started with Syesha Mercado's meet 'n' greet with ALW. She ridiculously asked if she should be animated, and he had her do an "un-animated" version of "One Rock & Roll Too Many" (from Starlight Express, apparently) in which she intentionally looked around nervously while not moving a muscle in her body, like ALW was going to say "Actually, that looks awesome! Do that on stage!" Anyway, the song started and Syesha looks really good, with a kind of retro haircut and a very slinky dress. She was off the beat at the start and has a few flat/weak moments with her voice, but for the most part she sounds good, as usual. She was definitely having a good time with it, and hamming it up as much as her "acting" background will allow. The judges say she could do well on Broadway and I have to agree. It was more entertaining than her usual ballads.

E.K.: I thought it was pretty good as well. She started singing maybe a note-and-a-half too soon and I wondered if she'd catch on, and fortunately she did. (This would turn out to not be the worst beginning to a performance on Tuesday night. More on the Brooke-tastrophe later.) Syesha had a lot of fun with it, and even though she did hit a few pitchy spots, she proved that she is comfortable in this genre. It was overall nice work.

Smooth: Next was Jason Castro with "Memory" from Cats. Said Jason: "Uh, I didn't even know a cat was singing it." Good God, man. ALW seemed worried about how the performance will go. Aaaaand rightly so. It started off kind of OK, with the normal laid back Castro take, but it quickly gets too low in his register. Then it's almost too high. It's always bad, though. He just doesn't have the vocal chops to pull this song off, but that would be a problem for him with almost any Broadway material. It's super-boring and not good. Paula says it sounded like a pop ballad, which it really, really didn't.

E.K.: Paula's insane. Anyway, this was indeed a low point for Castro. Wrong song, spotty singing, etc. Unlike Syesha, Jason proved he was completely out of his element here. Not only was he obviously not comfortable, he just doesn't have the Broadway-tune persona to pull this thing off. Tough break for him this week.

Smooth: Brooke sang "You Must Love Me" from Evita. ALW awesomely said Brooke has "no clue" what the song is about and that she should probably think about the lyrics a little bit. Brooke screwed up the lyrics at the start, and restarted the whole band.

E.K.: It was at this point when I paused it, shuddered, and said, "Oh, no. Oh, no," over and over, just because, like Archuleta did a few weeks back, once a singer messes up that bad, it's just a pain to watch the rest of the performance because I'm always thinking the singer is bound to screw up again. Interesting choice to stop the song and ask for a do-over. I thought that given the circumstances, I would probably have done the same thing (as Simon said post-song) and hope I remembered the words the next time around. Fortunately she did, but unfortunately, it just was not going to be her night after that. I don't think a full recovery can be made once that happens.

Smooth: I'm just not going to say that's OK here. We're close to the end, and these singers should be pretty professional. She had one song to sing. Something like that is unlikely to happen at a concert, and it wouldn't happen in Broadway no matter what. Anyway, I think it did shake her a bit, because her voice is even more quavering and weak than usual. Like Jason, she doesn't have the voice for Broadway. Even Paula has a hard time coming up with positive comments. She is definitely feeling sheepish about the whole thing afterward, and she looks scared and sad, and I feel bad for her.

E.K.: I think the only reason she could ever get away with such a gaffe is that she's so genuine in her performing that she is easily forgiveable. Brooke could maybe bludgeon my entire family with a Louisville Slugger, smile and say, "I'm sorry, it just wasn't my night," and I might be able to forgive her. If she were at all a poseur, she'd lose all credibility.

Smooth: David Archuleta did "Think of Me" from Phantom of the Opera, and is apparently changing it up. I have no idea.

E.K.: I'm surprised I even know what Phantom of the Opera is.

Smooth: ALW says the song --

E.K.: Dude, it's "A-Web." Don't you know anything about the hip teenies today?

Smooth: I shall punch you. The song was written for a "diva" and he can't imagine a "boy" singing it. Especially an exceedingly masculine, highly sexual creature like David, am I right? Barf. Oh, Ryan has some tweens come up and hug David before he starts singing which is pointless and stupid. The song is... fine. It's exactly what I'd expect of David. It's fairly boring, with a good vocal, and lots of emoting and loud breathing. Randy and Paula LOVE it, but Simon thankfully points out that it was nothing special.

E.K.: I have had it up to my bald head with this "Awww, he's such a cutie!" nonsense. And how fake was that bring-the-girls-on-stage-for-a-hug crap? David sang it well, I thought, but it sounded like he messed up some lyrics (but how would I know? I guess since he mumbled a line or two). I think he got away with whatever it was, and I am thinking there is no way he'll be voted out. As Ryan called out David's voting phone number, David, as is custom, stood there with a dopey smile on his face. He looks like a freaking Muppet.

Smooth: ALW forced Carly to throw away her original ballad song choice and do "Superstar" from Jesus Christ Superstar. He says the new choice fits her voice a lot better, and weirdly keeps referring to her "Irish eyes having it." Anyway, ALW is right, as Carly sounds good. She freaking rocks out, looking way happier than usual, although she manages to throw some angry faces in there too. She does get a lyric wrong at the beginning (singing "Superstar" while the backup singers sing "Jesus Christ"). As Simon later points out, it's kind of yelly, but it still sounds good; Broadway stuff really rewards vocal strength like Carly's. This is her best performance in quite a while. I'm not sure if it will save her from the bottom three, but I was entertained and -- like Syesha -- I'm glad she didn't just do another ballad.

E.K.: I thought it was same-old, same-old from Carly. Way too yelly, and she just barely missed those high notes (at least to my ears). She looks very good in the dress, though, and I must salute the costumers; they're finally putting her in something that accentuates her beauty instead of detract from it. I did catch her messing up the lyrics, too, I think more than once. But the dress was nice. Time's winding down, and we're still missing the showstopping performance I thought Carly would have given by now. She still looked great, though. She is disappointing me. Did I mention the dress?

Smooth: Shut it. David Cook apparently is very familiar with musical theater, and it seemed like ALW wanted to get very familiar with him, wink wink.

E.K.: Nudge nudge. Know what I mean?

Smooth: Say no more! He did another well-known song, "Music of the Night" from Phantom of the Opera. David did a surprisingly straightforward rendition.

E.K.: I wouldn't know.

Smooth: He did put a slight rock edge on it, but he enunciated and phrased it like a Broadway singer would. It sounded pretty good; David's vocals have always been fairly strong and he showed off some range here. I was still bored by it, though, and it was a rather cheesy choice of song, but once again both of those are byproducts of the theme. The girls squee uncontrollably.

E.K.: Yeah, at the start, I thought, oh my, he's definitely overdoing it with the e-nun-ci-a-ting. But a few seconds later, the obvious hit me: That's exactly how a Broadway song is supposed to sound! And from then on, it totally worked for me, and he actually rocked it out, and I liked it, and there's absolutely no way I will ever be caught dead at an Andrew Lloyd Webber show.

Smooth: Yeah, couple of decent performances in there, but that theme sucked.

E.K.: It sucked. Can we please have a Songs-That-Are-Younger-Than-The-Contestants week?

Smooth: So I'm thinking Brooke, Jason and Carly are the bottom three, with Brooke voted out.

E.K.: Yeah, I might have to do one of those stupid candlelight vigil things, because I think Brooke is out tonight. Fare thee well, fine young maiden. I think Syesha and Jason will round out the bottom three. Let's watch tonight!

Smooth: Okay!

E.K.: I'll bring the popcorn!

Smooth: No! Stay home!

E.K.: I don't know who you are anymore.

E.K.: Well, last night we said goodbye to the first singer who became a favorite of mine this year, Kristy Lee Cook. I called her a "refreshing lime wedge" in my first write-up of the season, if only because on that audition show she followed a guy who sang badly like a foul shot of tequila. At times Kristy displayed a nice voice, but then she had her bad weeks, and now she gets voted off right when she's picking up momentum. Oh well. She's still cute, and she'll probably be able to get a country record released sometime soon. Now, in the words of Casey Kasem, on with the countdown. And once again here is E.K. Nation's Senior American Idol Correspondent Smooth to get us rolling, what with the week's performances forthwith notwithstanding heretofore post haste tout de suite:

Smooth: Well, hello, once again! First we had David Archuleta. Even though this was one of his better performances in the last few weeks, I'm not loving it, and I think I'm getting biased against him. He is a pretty good (but not GREAT) singer who is mostly devoid of personality and overperforms every time he's on stage. Plus, he picks some boring songs. It was overall a solid vocal, but when he tried to hit a high note (per Mariah's suggestion) he missed it initially, and it sounded bad. I don't understand the fawning over him...is it just because he's young?

E.K.: Nope.

Smooth: Is it the fact that the gals think he's cute?

E.K.: Bingo.

Smooth: I wouldn't be angry if he wins or anything, but I feel like he is being way over-pimped by the judges, and it's annoying.

E.K.: I agree that he is picking some boring songs. Trouble with this week, at least for me, is that I've never found Mariah Carey's songs to be all that interesting. Her videos, on the other hand...

Smooth: Mmmmm...Mariah Carey videos.

E.K.: Mmmmmm.

Smooth: Mmmmmmmmmmm.

E.K.: Mmmmmmm-hmmmmmmmm.

Smooth: Mmmmmmmmmm.

(long pause)

E.K.: Wait, what?

Smooth: We were talking about Mariah Carey videos.

E.K.: Mmmmmmmmmm.

Smooth: Oh, jeezly crow. We were talking, actually, about David Archuleta.

E.K.: Oh yeah. Okay, so I think he's been a pretty solid singer most of the time, save for a couple really bad weeks. And yes, the girls love him 'cause they think he's cute and all that. And now with Michael Johns out of the way, he's a threat to win it. I thought this week was one of his better performances. But there's just something about him that's missing when considering whether he deserves to win. He's just not on a par with other winners.

Smooth: Moving on to Carly Smithson...Nice, Ryan, take up Carly's screen time talking about how much you miss Michael Johns. Another predictable song choice ("Without You"). I still don't understand why Carly exhibits so much more personality off stage than on it. Here's a shocker: She sounded very good but looked very angry. She's just okay once again. I just don't see her breaking through and really turning into an entertainer. This is one of the more well-known songs of the night, not sure if that hurts or helps here, really.

E.K.: She definitely needs to bring the charm she has offstage with her on to the stage during her performancers. And yeah, it was the same old thing: She just seemed angry while singing again. Only this time, I thought she strained way too much to hit those high notes. I watched this episode via YouTube so I'm not sure if the audio quality was worthy, but she just sounded like those higher notes were just out of her range and she missed them. I could sense that she was thinking, "Wait, I'm not going to hit these notes, so how can I make it sound like I planned to do something else?" I'm no longer sold on Carly. If she doesn't bust out with a Fantasia-"Summertime"-level performance soon, she'll be close to gone. I liked the top she had on, though. The costumers finally got a clue.

Smooth: I knew Syesha Mercado would be the closest to a "Mariah Carey" style, and it just doesn't help her. It's a very good vocal, but although Mariah Carey is a crazy ho, she can SING. Syesha's just not going to live up to that. She has tackled other tough songs lately and pulled through, so maybe she'll be OK, but in the end, it wasn't that memorable.

E.K.: For me, not only was it not memorable, it was annoying. My god, it seemed like the last third of the song consisted of those ridiculous runs that grate on me like scat does. I hate those things. Sing some words, dammit! Not only that, but of course, she's going to be compared to Mariah, and that never helps. I thought she sang the lyrics rather well, though, and she has definitely surprised me with her staying power. She will in no way win this thing.

Smooth: Well, Brooke White stripped "Hero" down to a piano arrangement. What else could she do, really? She has nowhere near the power in her voice to pull off most Mariah Carey songs. When MC is mentoring her, she basically has to ask Brooke "um... that was the note you were going for, right?" and I LOL'ed. The problem with this performance is that we have seen the exact same thing from Brooke like four times now, and this is not an improvement. It might have been interesting at first, but now it's just boring. I really agree with Randy's assessment that she gradually lost confidence throughout the performance because it got worse and worse towards the end.

E.K.: We've seen all she has to offer, apparently. It's nice and all, and she could probably do a pretty good remake of Tapestry, but it's not enough to win this thing. If it were Truly Genuine and Great Person Idol, she'd win, hands down. They'd have stopped the fight already.

Smooth: Why did every contestant pick a ballad? Mariah's done a lot of uptempo stuff, right?

E.K.: I'm thinking the faster tempo songs aren't the best vehicle to show off singing talent. Then again, I don't really have any Mariah songs burned into my mind to accurately say that. And I'm thinking "Touch My Body" might be too suggestive for the littler viewers.

Smooth: Anyway, it was a good performance. Glad they're not perming her hair anymore. Unlike Syesha, her vocal style is naturally different from MC's and the arrangement is country-fried slightly so she doesn't invoke the comparison at all. It's still pretty boring, though. She was consistent, and factoring in the country fan base, I was thinking she might stick around a few more weeks.

E.K.: I like how they turned it into a country song by just putting in three or four one-measure-long slide guitar riffs. Kinda cheap, actually, but I suppose she had to do something. I'm a bit sad to see her go, but not because of her singing. She's just so damn pretty. And I liked how genuinely excited she was whenever Simon gave her good reviews. She didn't have anything fake going on; what we saw was who she is.

Smooth: After last week's disaster, David Cook got back to doin' what he do. He did an unusual arrangement of "Always Be My Baby" that worked surprisingly well... the strings were used to nice effect, and the song built tension over time, allowing for a rock ending. I would be very interested to learn how much input David has into these arrangements, because if he is doing most of it himself I think he could actually have more talent as a producer than a singer. His vocals are good; I'm just saying that the key to his success has really stemmed from his song choices. Unlike Brooke, he's changing things up each week and it makes each performance more memorable. At this point I think he is the only threat to the coronation of David A., but if Chris Daughtry only managed to finish fourth (albeit in a fairly strong year), can DC really win?

E.K.: I must confess, I had to view this one twice. The first time I wasn't really into it. I thought the notes were a bit low to start out, and the arrangement kind of threw me off. But after I listened to the judges rave about it, I decided to go back and see what it was I apparently missed...and lo and behold, I missed the whole thing. It was damn good after all! Shame on me for letting a comment by Paula -- that it would have been great for a movie soundtrack -- sway me into changing my take. I shall now stand in the corner for twenty minutes.

Smooth: Well, hold on, we just have Jason Castro left to discuss. Once again, there was a torrent of goofy faces. I don't think the vocal is that great; it was a bit shaky and I think a bit flat before he launches into the chorus. From there, it got better. Overall, it's an average-to-good performance for him. Tonight, that's good enough to go through.

E.K.: I said previously that I felt he was kind of going along with this competition as a goof, but Paula said, and I agree, that -- oh, no, I really deserve to stand in a corner now -- he's been growing more confident with each week, and I think that is indeed reflected in his performances. I thought this week was great again. The vocal worked for me a lot better than it did for you, I guess. And the arrangement was great too. I had Carly, David A. and Syesha in my bottom three, for no real reason other than stranger things have happened, and I thought Syesha's time had run out. I was wrong.

Smooth: I had Carly, Syesha and Brooke in my bottom three and Carly being voted out.

E.K.: Well, what do we know, really?

Smooth: Not much, I guess.

E.K.: Here's what we'll do next week. Along with our write-ups, we'll also try to encapsulate a review of each singer's performance by creating an anagram of that person's name. Think it can be done?

Smooth: Uhhh...I'm thinking you might be on your own with that.

E.K.: Okay. The point is "moot. Sh!" (Get it?)

Smooth: (rolls eyes)

Listen. Here's the thing: Whenever I think of American Idol, I always keep it in perspective. It's entertainment and entertainment only. It's not intended to determine, really, who the best singer is. Sometimes the best singer wins, but more often than not he or she does not win. Because this is true, it's not a pivotal thing, societally speaking. It's just a nationally-televised karaoke contest. That's what it is.

Having said that, America, last night you voted out the best singer in the American Idol competition.

Michael Johns didn't need to win American Idol in order to be successful; in fact, I'll guess that his first CD will be the most successful out of all those competitors who actually will put out records in the coming months or years. But come on, America. You chose Syesha and Kristy Lee over Michael? Even David Cook, who at times seemed to be doing his best Michael Johns impression? That's like Charlie Chaplin entering a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest and not winning (which actually happened once, as legend has it).

American Idol Season 7 without Michael Johns will be like pizza without the crust. It might taste like pizza in the end, but it could fall apart at any time. It's just not strong anymore. Carly, Castro, David A., Brooke, you've got some work ahead of you. Keep me interested.

Smooth: A'ight, since we last visited this fine program, we had a second, much more awful Beatles night, Dolly Parton's face scared the crap out of me, and a few contestants have departed: David H. (never stood a chance), Amanda (didn't even want to be there), Chikezie, and Ramiele (both of whom I liked but had bad weeks). Also, David Cook dropped a few awesome performances, Kristy Lee managed to hang around, our collective time was massively wasted by "viewer questions", and Paula spewed all sorts of crazy. This week we have the loosely defined theme of "inspirational songs"... so that could be just about anything. OK, probably not "Smack My Bitch Up." That might not fit in.

E.K.: I was thinking "It Was A Good Day" by Ice Cube. Y'know, with inspirational messages such as "I didn't even hafta use my A.K." and "Plus, nobody I know got killed in South Central L.A...today was a good day." But I agree, the second Beatles night was just overkill, and I think Michael absolutely nailed his Dolly Parton selection...and I think I'm going to embed it right here just because it's cool.

Smooth: We only had an hour (oh no!) so we quickly jumped into Michael Johns doing Aerosmith's "Dream On". He looked like an idiot in a collared short-sleeve shirt, vest, and a patterned cravat. He sounded pretty good for the most part, although the bulk of the song's not very challenging. He tried to do the screaming falsetto thing at the end and it didn't quite work; very few people would be able to pull that off, and he does OK with it. The performance is standard Johns fare. OMG, Sinbad is in the audience! He is so relevant! Randy and Simon correctly pointed out that he has done quite a few rock songs that don't adequately show off his voice. Michael doesn't seem to care. The audience was going batshit crazy for him, and the girls do seem to like him. Overall, I thought this was good but not spectacular. He's never really blown me away.

E.K.: I don't know, man, cravats, ascots, I think Michael can strangely pull that look off.

Smooth: Man crush!

E.K.: Silence your face. I thought the screaming at the end was totally unnecessary. That's Steven Tyler's take on the song. Doesn't mean Michael has to do it. That didn't work for me. But mostly it was great yet again. He just looks and sounds the part of a professional rock star and as far as I am concerned he is the one to beat. He's the only one who hasn't had a relatively bad week, if my recollections serve me well.

Smooth: Next up was Syesha Mercado, who did "I Believe", the Fantasia song. Immediately, I knew the judges wouldn't love it, and she hasn't learned from doing Whitney songs. I don't quite get it. She's got a very good voice, in fact better than I gave her credit for earlier in the competition, but if she keeps picking these songs the judges will harp on her incessantly. Plus, this song's not terribly memorable. She does go into the whistle register late in the song, which always impresses me when done well. Still a pretty blah performance, though.

E.K.: I hate the whistle register. It's obnoxious. Having said that, the rest of the performance was stellar, especially considering how unmemorable I thought Syesha has been this whole competition. Last week, her take on "I Will Always Love You" was great, too, and her stock has definitely risen. However, and I agree with you, she's always going to be compared to these other superior singers when she performs and it's not going to suit her well. She can handle a song by, say, Faith Hill or whoever, but these top-level singers are too tough to match, particularly when their versions are always going to be in your mind.

Smooth:Next was Jason Castro, who covered a cover of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". I do like this version, although Jason's ukulele stylings aren't quite as authentic as those of the 700-pound Hawaiian guy he's emulating.

E.K.: I had to look up who it was that did that version. I never would have thought it was, seriously, a 700-pound Hawaiian dude! That's three-and-a-half of me, plus a pineapple or two.

Smooth: It's a very simple arrangement. The show brings in a string section to accompany him, which does nothing but add an unnecessary melodramatic element to the song. Jason makes all kinds of weird faces while he's singing. If I close my eyes I like it a lot better. It's a great song for his voice and his laid-back style. Nice performance.

E.K.: Even though he's doing a copycat version of it, I think this performance, along with "Hallelujah", is his best to date. I'm trying to arrange a potential Final Four in my head, and Jason keeps popping into it. I do agree that the inclusion of the orchestra was a misstep. Stripped bare, it's solid, but with the strings, you're right, it's a bit much.

Smooth: The dead eyes of Kristy Lee Cook scare me. She did a Martina McBride something or other.

E.K.: Yes, a song called "Anyway", which I had never heard. You know, Kristy is regaining the form that she had about her when she first auditioned. Solid, if not spectacular vocals, and fantastic looks. She's had a few off weeks but she's brought it back and suddenly this whole competition is doing tumbleturns. I no longer have any idea right off the bat who the bottom three might be. She's getting better, but it might not be enough.

Smooth: She sounds pretty good and she looks nice. She's still not too charismatic. What else is there to say? She'll probably have a career in country music. But she's not going to win American Idol. David is the next Cook to perform, doing an Our Lady Peace song, and it wasn't even "Clumsy" or "Superman's Dead". Guh? You know what show you're on, right, Dave? This started off terribly. His voice was so nasal and from the back of his throat and just plain awful I honestly was wondering if he was joking at first. He quickly launched into his normal voice but he kept kind of going back to what I assume is his bad OLP impression throughout. The song as arranged is repetitive and weird. Bad song choice, bad vocal, bad performance. Of course, Paula thought it was great. Simon, who is not insane, calls it his worst performance in weeks. I think David will be OK for now, but I don't think he's likable enough to have a few weeks like this in a row.

E.K.: God, this was horrible from the get-go. I am familiar with the song but I don't think I have ever heard it on the radio so I don't know how the viewers and voters will react, but then again, maybe I do, since as I just said, it was a horrible performance and voters will know that no matter whether they are familiar with the song or not. And it really was a bad choice to begin with. It's not an inspirational song at all. "We are all innocent"? Actually, right there, that is wrong, we're not all innocent, and even so, how is that inspirational? Bad, bad week for David. The vote this week might cause him some angst. The voters might be thinking he's a poor-man's Michael Johns and find no need to keep him anymore. He can't afford a bad week when Michael's doing so well. And a quick word about the vote: Are we going to even have a cast-off tonight, what with the Idol Gives Back charity thing going? Last year during the results show of Idol Gives Back week they held over the votes for the following week and eliminated two contestants then. We're probably going to get cheated. I mean, err -- the producers are probably going to have a soft spot in their hearts this week and not feel right about sending anyone away. But we shall see.

Smooth: Carly Smithsonsang Queen's "The Show Must Go On"...lots of Queen this year, oddly, and I'm not just talking about Danny Noriega. Oh, snap!

E.K.: Oh no you di-ehnt.

Smooth: Anyway, Carly was in weird high-waisted pants again, but she looked good otherwise. Her voice sounds good, as usual, although she's all over the place a few times when doing vocal runs. The background singers are a bit loud at times. Simon calls it an "unusual" choice of song, which is true in that it doesn't fit in with some of the other performances tonight, but that's not necessarily her fault. The "theme" is so vague that there's no reason this couldn't be an inspirational song in her eyes. She did look angry, though. She's got to be one of the more disappointing contestants this year, because she has oodles of vocal talent but for whatever reason she just isn't an entertaining performer.

E.K.: I'm starting to tire of her yelly style of singing with that ever present mean look on her face. And the tattoo -- my god, girl, cover that thing up! It's not ugly -- well, yeah, a tat that big usually is -- but more than that, it's just distracting and it just doesn't fit. She's a beautiful girl but she's all covered with paintball splatter and anger, and as Simon noted a week or so ago, she needs to get someone new to dress her. Put her in jeans or something and have her do a happier song. Anyway, as for this week, she's still a good singer but I am thinking we've seen all there is to see. Will it be enough?

Smooth: The Anointed One, David Archuleta, is singing "Angels". He was playing the piano, but there was so much other stuff going on that you couldn't really hear it. The vocal was decent, although I still think he's overrated as a singer. The song's a bit low for him; he's breathy and didn't quite hit a few high notes he goes for. It got better at the end. The judges drooled all over him, but at least Simon points out the vocal wasn't perfect (which earned him a cascade of boos from the audience).

E.K.: As it always does. Simon's usually right and Paula's always batty, but they always applaud her and boo Simon. I thought this was a much better performance than the couple of recent off-weeks he's had, but like you I was wondering why the piano when we couldn't hear it? The "aww, he's so cute" thing is getting old, too. I can't think of what will get him voted off soon. Only teen girls and their moms vote, right? Finally, we had my girl, Brooke White. Siiiiigh.

Smooth: Dude. Stop that. She closed the show with Carole King's "You've Got a Friend", which should be right in her wheelhouse. It started off OK; once again, when Brooke does not have an instrument she kind of tries to overdo things both with her performance and with her voice. She sounds good, just a little bit hoarse and shaky like she always does. The arrangement is nice, with piano and strings coming in at the right times. It's a straightforward rendition and while it doesn't blow my socks off, it's still among the better performances of the night.

E.K.: Well, while she's still my favorite person left, she's not my favorite performer in terms of any wow factor. She sings very adequately but it's nothing to write home about. Simon summed it up best: "Was it original? No. Was it pleasant? Yes. Thank you." If I were a voter, I'd vote for her anyway because she's so lovable.

Smooth: Dude. Stop that. OK, so here's my predicted bottom three: Syesha, Michael, and Carly. And I'm guessing Carly will be voted out tonight.

E.K.: If there is a vote-off, that is. Kristy, Carly and David Cook will be in the bottom three, but that they will not vote anyone off, and that's my official guess. Tune in tonight folks! Brooke White!

My streak of correctly picking World Series winners ended at one year in a row in 2007, when my pick of the New York Mets did not come to fruition. Now, I am back and ready to begin a new streak. Check out who's going to the playoffs this season, kids, and go to Vegas with this information.

NATIONAL LEAGUE DIVISION CHAMPS:

AMERICAN LEAGUE DIVISION CHAMPS:

WILD CARDS:

NATIONAL LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP:

over

AMERICAN LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP:

over

2008 WORLD SERIES:

over

Yes, it's the Brewers winning the National League pennant. Prince Fielder just might hit 65 home runs. He is a beast. He will win the N.L. MVP award this year. Golly gee, I remember when he was on MTV's Rock 'n' Jock Softball as a kid with his dad Cecil. Oh, the memories. Now lok at him. He's huuuuuge. Oh, and yes, the Red Sox will repeat as World Series champs.

The Mt. St. Mary's Mountaineers overcame an 0-4 start to the season and won the Northeastern Conference title, beating Sacred Heart 68-55 for the NEC's automatic bid into the NCAA Tournament.

The Coppin State Eagles had a much worse start to their campaign: They were 4-19 at one point but rallied with a streak of 12 wins in 13 games, and then, as the #7 seed in the Mid-Eastern Athletic Conference, defeated the #1, #2 and #3 seeds to take home that conference's automatic berth into the Big Dance.

But oh yeah, there's just that little thing they have to do first: They both have to go Dayton, Ohio, on Tuesday night to take part in the so-called "play-in" game, which makes the NCAA tourney field 65 teams in reality, not 64. The Selection Committee made that announcement a few hours before releasing the tourney bracket seedings and matchups.

And that's a complete sham. They've already "played in"; they won their respective conference titles and they did it fair and square. Why should they have to play one more game before getting their taste of the most exciting tournament in all of sports? The NCAA likes to say that the field for the Big Dance is 65 teams, and has officially called the "play-in" game the "Opening Round," but come on. Which of the poor sap teams that have to go to Dayton really believe that the extra game is part of the Tourney? Are Mt. St. Mary's and Coppin State celebrating their upcoming trip to Ohio? I doubt it. I'm thinking they won't celebrate much until one of them gets the win on Tuesday night and has that #16 affixed to their school's name and a guarantee, finally, that they'll get to play North Carolina or Memphis in the first round.

If the NCAA insists on having this "play-in" game, it should send to Dayton two schools that did not win their conference championships; teams that were "on the bubble", as they say. According to ESPN's Joe Lunardi, his Bracketology has Virginia Tech as the "last team in" to the field of 64, and Illinois State as the "first team out", that is, the closest to making the tournament without actually getting in. What would be the problem with sending those two schools to Dayton for the play-in game?

Or, how about Villanova and Ohio State? Or, even more enticing, imagine a play-in between Pac-10 rivals and bubble teams Arizona and Arizona State. With much higher-profile teams playing in the "play-in" game, the ratings might be higher than they would for two schools that a lot of people haven't heard of. There is always a lot of controversy when the tournament bracket is announced; teams that came close but got left out usually cry foul and say they got hosed. So why not use the "play-in" game to settle at least one of these scores? In the end, make the last team into the field earn its way, rather than forcing two conference champions to win an extra game to qualify. The Mountaineers and Eagles are truly the teams that got hosed. Come on, NCAA, fix this.

E.K.: I've had E.K. Nation Senior American Idol Correspondent Smooth locked in the basement for a while, and he's ready to come out for another Idol discussion. Hello, Smooth!

Smooth: Hello! Well, as you know, I am a bit of a Beatles fan, and by that I mean I LOVE THEM 4EVA OMG!!!! I must say that I was completely dreading this night going in. Even though we have a solid contestant pool this year, I thought that surely we would see a number of them just murder songs that I love. Let's recap, shall we?

E.K.: We shall! And I will say that I like the Beatles, but only in very small doses. Two hours of it, though, I thought might a bit much. Syesha Mercado was the opening act.

Smooth: It was rather mediocre. I knew she'd do the Earth, Wind, and Fire arrangement of "Got to Get You Into My Life", although it isn't that different from the original, really. It's too low for her in the beginning, and she never did anything vocally that stands out. Not horrible, just boring.

E.K.: Syesha was very pitchy and it seemed like she was always a bit behind the beat. And I didn't like the arrangement at all. It was just too cheesy, something you'd find at any karaoke bar. And it was kind of odd the way the chorus changed, at least from the Beatles version; I'm not sure what EWF did with it. I can't believe Simon actually liked it. He usually hates dreck. I thought that she would be the first one voted out of the Top 12, and she needed to do something spectacular to stay alive. She didn't do it. Next up was Chikezie -- a rather brand new version of Chikezie, to say the least, bringing his take on "She's A Woman".

Smooth: Now this I can get on board with. If you're going to change up the arrangement, at least do something unexpected, not just a rehash of an existing cover. At first he surprised me with an attempt to usurp the country mantle from Kristy Lee, and then he segued nicely into rock mode. The vocal was very good, and he had seemingly boundless energy. Much of the Beatles' early catalogue requires exactly the type of lively performance that Chikezie brings to the stage. It was an interesting and entertaining performance, and he's been doing well the last few weeks.

E.K.: I really liked the folksy banjo/fiddle intro, and then when it moved into the rock part, it was like a bolt of lightning hit. I'd never seen Chikezie perform with that much energy before. Those vocal spasms (that he did on purpose) were interesting and didn't seem forced, like scat does, for example; it just seemed like part of his own enjoyment of his time on stage. He really put a lot into this song and has definitely bumped up the ladder.

Smooth: Probably the most straightforward cover we saw all night came from Ramiele Mulabay ("In My Life"), and as such I can't help but think it sounds like a karaoke performance, but it is an excellent karaoke performance. She sounds really great, perhaps her best vocal to date, even though she doesn't attempt anything too difficult. Unfortunately, this is not the type of performance that gains you votes on this show. Randy and Simon harshly point this out. Honestly, although I see their point, I wasn't bored by it; I paid attention because the vocal was so good. The problem with this song choice is that it has a simple melody, and it would have sounded worse had she attempted any wacky runs and such. She could be in danger.

E.K.: I agree pretty much with everything you said. It was a very pretty rendition of the song, maybe her best at least vocally so far this season, but it would probably go over best at a funeral. I thought her tone was very sweet. Although that standing on the steps and then walking down during the first verse is a bit tiresome. I'm surprised that all three judges pretty much hated it. I mean, come on; it wasn't spectacular but it wasn't bad.

Smooth: Man, is Jason Castro a space cadet. "If I Fell" is a weird song choice, as it normally has a very tight two-part harmony, and this rendition feels like there is something missing. Not liking his vocal on this song, it was just way too breathy and I don't think it worked here. So breathy, in fact, that Mrs. Smooth pointed out that it sounded like he was singing "if I fell in love with Hugh." I didn't think this was anything you couldn't see in any open mic acoustic night at a local bar. He'll be fine this week, though.

E.K.: I wasn't too happy with much of the falsetto or, as you mentioned, the breathiness of his vocal. And it was yet another of the same kind of performance from Jason. He needs to spice it up somehow, maybe take on an up-tempo Maroon 5 song or something. "Hallelujah" was great last week, and to be fair, I did actually like a lot of his vocal Tuesday night, but he's relying too much on one way to perform. I think he's starting to become the guy Mike Birbiglia -- one of the funniest comedians around these days -- wrote a song about, you know, "the guitar guy at the party," the guy who gets drunk (or stoned) enough to grab a guitar and do a song so that he can sleep with your girlfriend.

Smooth: Carly Smithson likes "awrange juice", and who doesn't? And she used the phrase "it goes down treat" -- how exotic! She had another angry look plastered on her face during the performance, belying her pretty smile before and after. There was good energy in the performance, though, and it is sort of an angry song. The vocal was a bit heavy on the vibrato early on, and the song has very short phrasing which doesn't let her show off her power, but she was right on key. She has such a soulful singing voice. It got better in the second half, although the backup singers nearly drowned her out. You can tell she's comfortable with the song. Well done.

E.K.: It was once again a strong performance from the girl with the strongest voice, but I must say, I need to see something else, like a ballad. We all know Carly can rock it, since she's done this type of song over and over. But "Come Together" (a song I've never been fond of) is a tune that doesn't require any emotion to sing; how exactly do you emote when you have to belt out the phrase "toejam football"? I want to see her do something with a really healtfelt sentiment in the lyrics. Having said that, she's delightful, and this lovely lass is not going anywhere. She is safe for next week, easily.

Smooth: Why was David Cook dressed like a villain in Blade II: Vampire Boogaloo?

E.K.: I merely went with Dracula in my notes; props to you for the wonderful fake movie title.

Smooth: "Eleanor Rigby" could have been an inspired song choice, as I think a rock edge in the vocal could work well, but David didn't do the song justice at all. He overdid it, slurring his words and trying to perform too intensely. It just seemed so much more forced than last week. He's kind of scooping into some of the notes, and doing weird things with others; I think it's all on purpose, but the effect is that he sounds off-key at times. The judges liked it way, WAY too much. Did Paula just make fun of handicapped people?

E.K.: I'm going to pause for a moment to briefly discuss how sick to death I am of Paula and her squabbles with Simon. Seems like every time the singers are standing there on stage, awaiting criticism or praise, they have to stand there while Paula and her drunk self takes over with this inane chatter, and then Simon tells her to shut up or something and it just escalates. It's disgusting, and it needs to stop. Okay...back to David Cook now, and weirdly, it seemed to me like he was doing a Michael Johns impression, and Michael Johns is in this very same competition. That's not a good thing to think about when pondering David's chances to win. His voice just didn't seem to fit this song, and I hated the arrangement. His voice was okay, and I'm sure there's somewhere he can go to be a success in the music biz, but it was a distinct drop-off from last week in my book.

Smooth: Now to Brooke White, who said in the interview segment, "Previous to American Idol I was a nanny." E.K., you can't crush on a girl who uses such bad grammar.

E.K.: Brooke fail English? That's unpossible!

Smooth: She does seem to become more attractive each week, though, so...scratch that last statement.

E.K.: I know what you mean. I used to win spelling bees based solely on my looks.

Smooth: Like last week, Brooke went with a very sparse musical accompaniment, and the effect was similar. Her voice is the focus, and once again it's good but not what I'd call great. Like Ramiele, she smartly refrained from trying to do too much with "Let It Be". However, I think the piano keeps it from being perceived as boring. One minor problem: She doesn't seem to know where to look while she's playing -- down at the keys, or out at the audience or the camera. She gives an endearing post-interview in which we see she is genuinely thrilled to be there. Aw. I liked it.

E.K.: I think you're right that if Brooke had just sung this song without accompanying herself on an instrument it might have sounded dull. But that's what makes her great: While not the most spectacular singer or piano- or guitar-player in the world, it's clear she loves doing what she's doing and she takes time to craft performances. She's a musician in the truest sense of the word. I also noticed a Stevie Nicks tone to her voice this time around. Man, I tell ya what, Carly Simon, Carole King, Stevie Nicks...there's no slouch in that group. There is absolutely no way she's being voted out yet, and actually, I think she might be a surprise high finisher. Which is good because I want to keep watching her and rooting for her. Is there anyone rooting against her?

Smooth: Okay, Tuesday night did not work for David Hernandez. "I Saw Her Standing There" is a straight rocker and his voice is basically too smooth for it. He just sounds too R&B. On the original recording McCartney is really into it, literally screaming at times, and this is just way too laid back in comparison. He doesn't even go for the trademark high falsetto note. Very poor song choice.

E.K.: I don't think the song was a bad choice, I just think the way he performed it was the wrong choice. This is one of my all-time favorite Beatles songs, and it may be just because it rocks while being so simple, and that's where Mr. Hernandez went wrong. He tried to glam it up and work some vocal stylings into it, and it just fell flat.

Smooth: Perhaps the most obscure song choice of the night was from Amanda Overmyer, although I am very familiar with it. I've always loved the underlying guitar riff you hear at the beginning of "You Can't Do That", although this arrangement is definitely faster than the original. She was smart to choose a lesser-known song because people would not be able to reconcile her voice with most of the Beatles bigger hits. She doesn't gender-reverse the song, interestingly. She's still having some issues connecting with the audience. She throws her own spin on the song which works pretty well, although she gets ahead of the tempo on a few occasions. I also think she overdoes the stuttering thing (plus we had already seen it from Chikezie). She puts good energy into the vocal and she does stay on pitch well, to my ear. In the post-interview, she manages to smile instead of just looking nauseated like last week. Overall, pretty good on the Amanda sliding scale.

E.K.: I suppose a singer like Amanda doesn't need to be pitch-perfect, but just being energetic and unique-looking isn't enough here. While I admire the devotion she has to her style -- she's Amanda Overmyer, and you gotta deal with it -- and I like the tenacity with which she struts, I just haven't found myself connecting to anything she has done. Which is kind of sad, really, because the Janis Joplin thing is unique to Idol. I do agree, though, that it was wise to do a song that someone like me wouldn't be familiar with, so that we would only have the performance to base a judgment on. (In fact, except for "Revolution" and obviously "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band", I can't take a Beatles title and name the album it came from.) She has no chance of winning this competition, but since that is true, she might as well not bother doing anything different. Unlike my take on Carly, my take here is, keep doing what you're doing, Amanda. And hell, she wouldn't change anyway. Can you imagine her in a dress on a stool singing a Whitney Houston ballad?

Smooth: Before he started singing, I was thinking that "Across the Universe" is a good song for Michael Johns' voice. Indeed, his tone fits the song well, but the slow pace of the song and the esoteric lyrics ("Jai Guru Deva Om") are not working in his favor. Plus, he's saying "garu" instead of "guru".

E.K.: I know! I was totally like, "My God, doesn't this guy know anything about Sanskrit mantras???"

Smooth: It's a heartfelt performance, and think he manages to show off his voice more than he has in the past few weeks. I just think it could have been even better. Love how Simon doesn't remember Carly's name...there are only 12 people, man! Get with it!

E.K.: Yeah, quote of the season from Simon: "What's the Irish girl's name?" Jeezly crow, man. She's only one of the favorites to win. Anyway, Michael Johns is clearly a star. He just looks like one, he performs like one, and the Aussie accent I'm sure has about four million American girls swooning. So before you say the words "man crush!" I'll say this about his take on "Across the Universe": It was not his best. However, he can have a bad week and still sound good. Someone like Ramiele or Kristy Lee has a bad week and it can spell disaster.

Smooth: Another thing that can spell disaster? "D-i-s-a-s-t-e-r."

E.K.: Actually, that isn't a thing that spells "disaster", that is merely the spelling of the word "disaster." In that comment, you are the thing that spelled "disaster."

Smooth: Jeez, man, can't you let me make a joke?

E.K.: Actually, I guess I'm just keeping with Paula's custom of spouting silliness that has nothing to do with anything.

Smooth: You got that right.

E.K.: Hey! Smooth!

Smooth: Yes?

E.K.: Hmmm....what?

Smooth: You...uh...you said, "Hey Smooth!"

E.K.: Oh, sorry. Got distracted by Kristy Lee Cook's outfit again. Let's talk about her. I was just saying that someone like Kristy can't have a bad week and still feel good about her chances.

Smooth: And wow, this was just a mess. Apparently she's covering a Lorrie Morgan cover ("Eight Days A Week"), and I hope to God I never hear it. The drums are annoyingly prominent and the whole thing is way too fast. Her performance is lazy; she's just kind of strolling around the stage and looking around aimlessly. The vocal is okay, although I have to laugh at the sudden twang in her singing voice. I kind of feel bad for her because I am sure she felt she had to do a country song this week, and it was really the wrong theme for that.

E.K.: Well, you can't fault her for not listening to the judges' comments. She was struggling a bit, and they told her to try for some country, and alas, she's not pulling that off either. The arrangement sucked, first of all, which for someone like Kristy Lee might as well be a death knell; she doesn't have the talent to overcome a misstep like that. And everything you said is right on; it was just bad. She definitely looks great, but she's no Brooke.

Smooth: Stop with the Brooke already. Jesus!

E.K.: Never. Never ever ever. Finally, we had David Archuleta.

Smooth: Another singer covering a cover and again it doesn't work. This is by far David's worst performance to date. He forgot the words repeatedly (I thought you were "familiar" with the Stevie Wonder version, David) but that was just the start of his problems. I have not heard the Stevie Wonder version, but I assume that was where he was getting all of these weird stylistic choices. He went for a falsetto note and had no power behind it. He tried another high note and it sounded like he's in pain. The performance was weird too, as he is shaking the mic around for some reason. You have to have a voice like Stevie's to attempt all of the freestyling he went for, and the only thing David did was expose his vocal limitations.

E.K.: I can't think of a single Idol performer who has suffered a bigger dropoff than David Archuleta going from the unbelievable rendition of "Imagine" to this likewise unbelievable mess of a disaster of a catastrophe (it was a mess-disastrophe) of "We Can Work It Out" -- one of the more ironic titles an Idol singer has tackled, given what he did with it. Maybe he should have saved "Imagine" for this week, if "Imagine" counts as a Lennon-McCartney songbook choice. He forgot some lyrics right away, and everything seemed to snowball after that. It just seemed like he let that first mistake rattle him. It was the most uncomfortable I've ever been watching a singer on this show. It was excrutiating from start to finish. God, it hurt. The problem is, an American Idol should not ever have a night like this. Taylor never had one, Fantasia never had one, Ruben never had one, Jordin never had one, even people like Bo and Daughtry and Elliott and Katharine never had one and they still couldn't win. I think this performance is going to severely damage David's chances of winning, even with his charming personality and all that girly nonsense.

Smooth: Okay, so Beatles night wasn't quite as bad as I thought it might be, but there were only a few performances I truly enjoyed. Kristy Lee was downright awful, and there was a whole lot of mediocrity. I think Syesha, Kristy Lee and David Hernandez will be in the bottom three and Syesha will be voted out.

E.K.: You realize of course that I am posting this conversation after the results have been announced, if only for time zones east of us.

Smooth: I do.

E.K.: Well, last week I said Syesha was going to be the first one voted out of the Top 12 and I will stick with that, especially considering she is still the most forgettable singer left. And the fact that she had the most time between her performance and the opening of voting time. Way too much time to utilize in the forgetting of Syesha. And David Hernandez and Kristy Lee will be in the bottom three as well; I agree with you, sir. Anyway, we here on the West Coast have about 90 minutes before we find out who got voted off, so enjoy the show everyone, if you can, and I imagine we'll be subjected to more Paula Abdul-laced crap. We shall talk more Idol next week. Go Brooke!

Smooth: Heavens, man, stop it.

E.K.: Brooke Brooke Brooke!

Smooth.: Oh no.

E.K.: Brooke!

Smooth.: Anybody have any chloroform?

E.K.: Brooke White!

E.K.: Once again, let's bring in E.K. Nation's Senior American Idol Correspondent "Smooth" to discuss what happened this week. We know now that Luke, Danny, Kady and Asia'h were voted out. The one surprise about Thursday's vote show is how sad Danny was to anticipate being voted out and then being voted out. I would have thought he'd have shrugged it off as though it were nothing; turns out he cared about being in the competition more than I thought he did. Where's your sassy now, Danny? Anyway, let's talk about the girls' night. First up was Asia'h Epperson.

Smooth: Oh boy, a Whitney song. Didn't she learn that those are basically off-limits on this show? It wasn't that great, since her voice just wasn't up to the task. It was OK but she was a bit hoarse or something. She also had a weird outfit on with really high waisted pants. Was that an 80's thing?

E.K.: I was wondering that myself.

Smooth: Whatever, hers was a pretty forgettable performance.

E.K.: I agree that doing Whitney is never a good idea unless you can do something amazing with it...and has any girl ever done that on American Idol? Not only was her vocal pitchy and nasal but I couldn't understand some of the lyrics the way she sang them. It just wasn't great, and she was in trouble from the get-go. However, I did not think she would be voted out.

Smooth: As for Kady Malloy: Wow, this was bad. It was very amateurish and a bad song choice. She was just totally off key, flat all over the place, and she missed the big notes, too. I think Kady's a pleasant gal but she was not good enough to be on this show. I can't believe she even made it this far after that performance. Randy and Paula are smoking crack for not ripping that crap. Even Simon didn't really call out the horribleness of the vocal, which is surprising.

E.K.: Yeah, this was bad from start to finish. Kady was one of my picks to be voted out this week, and you agreed. Your other predicted vote-off was who?

Smooth: Asia'h.

E.K.: Nice call. I never did make up my mind as to who the other girl would be who was voted out. But I knew Kady would be once this song started. Katharine McPhee, if I remember correctly, absolutely nailed this song two years ago, and there's no way any A.I. voter who remembered that performance could possibly vote for Kady this time around. However, Kady does indeed seem like a nice girl, and if your only fault is you can't sing a Queen song to perfection in front of millions of television viewers, then you've definitely got something going for you. Up next we had Amanda Overmyer.

Smooth: It was somewhat better than last week's total debacle but it's still not great. I'm still bothered by the tone of her voice, of course, but it does fit this song better, and she did a much better job of enunciating and staying on key. In fact, I actually had a bigger problem with the way she performed this one. For the majority of the performance, she displayed none of the attitude the song calls for. Instead, she mostly looked down and looked around nervously. Just no energy there. She also seemed incredibly nervous in the post-interview. It was like the opposite of last week's energetic performance and terrible vocal. What's up with that? For once I completely disagree with Simon, because amazingly, he really liked it.

E.K.: I thought the performance was sketchy too. She seemed very apprehensive this time around and clearly lacked the energy she had previously. It was almost like she was trying to remember the words to the song as she sang them. I too was surprised that Simon was so high on this performance, because it really wasn't that good. However, and I was amazed to find myself thinking this, she really looked cute this week. If "cute" is an appropriate word to describe a Harley-riding rocker chick. She toned down the hair mess a lot, and she just seemed very pleasant-looking.

Smooth: I loved Carly Smithson's accent in the pre-interview.

E.K.: You and me both. It was almost like she's been trying to sound American up until now but decided "To hell with it, I'm gonna go with the brogue full steam this week." I love it.

Smooth: She too had wacky pants on, and they've styled her to soften her look. She looked pretty good. They can't style the angry look off of her face, though; I am a little bit scared when she sings "I drove all night to make love to you", because I feel that if that were to occur I would wake up with many bruises in the morning. Anyway, she can really sing, and she clearly stands out among the females. In the last 15 seconds of the song she was able to hit several notes that genuinely surprise me. She's undoubtedly going to go really far in the competition.

E.K.: Carly's becoming really gorgeous. She did have this angry look while singing, like she usually does, but I would not only not be scared of her if she sang that song to me, I would break in and instruct her to take me anywhere she wanted, impending bruises or no. Again, her vocal seemed a bit yelly (if that's a word), and she might be trying a bit too hard to hit those high notes that the other girls can't hit, and that's just it. She doesn't need to do that. She's powerful enough without having to work that hard. Still, she looks better and better each week and she's not leaving the competition anytime soon.

Smooth: In interviews, Kristy Lee Cook is starting to annoy me more and more. She did an okay job with the song, sort of adding a slight country twang to it which to me sounds of out of place. The vocal was average, with some problems in the lower register. It didn't help that she followed Carly. She still seems reluctant to fully embrace the country thing, which she needs to do if she wants to go far, and the judges are really trying to shove her into that box. Simon correctly noted that she's forgettable and would be fortunately to make the Top 10. She said "Top 10 is okay with me"; way to show that killer instinct, Kristy Lee!

E.K.: It was a bit odd indeed that she said that. She's not giving up, is she? Anyway, she still looks great but she's just not shining like I thought she might when I saw her first audition. I liked that she took the judges' suggestions to heart and made a country song out of "Faithfully" -- at least for a bit -- but she was still pitchy in country mode and still lacked the Wow notes that we need to hear before anointing someone a star. Now, Smooth: What say you about Ramiele Malubay?

Smooth: God, she sounded like she's six years old in the pre-interview, taking a breath after every third word. As in past weeks she sounded a lot better in the quieter portions of the song. It seems to me that she's just not meant to be a belter, but that's what she's trying to do. I understand why, because that type of singing usually gains praise from the judges. However, when she goes for the belting, it sounds shouty and pushes her off key. Randy called her "Ramalee" multiple times, Paula talked for an hour, and then Ryan babbled about some text-speak acronym onstage while Danny Noriega mugged for the camera. Way to annoy me even on girls' night, Danny!

E.K.: I actually liked it when the song picked up and she started belting out her vocals. She is a little powerhouse of a singer, and she just needs that one perfect song to prove that she belongs for the long haul. This one wasn't it, but she's getting close. She looked very sexy and she tackled the song well; "Against All Odds" is not an easy song to sing, but for the most part it sounded great. Now if we can just get her to stop crying every time someone gets voted out. It's nice that she's making friends and all, but I don't remember any A.I. winner ever doing that. At some point you've got to buck up, because only one person is going to avoid being voted out from here on.

Smooth: Next was Brooke White. And already I heard you sigh, E.K. Come on, man, get it together.

E.K.: Sorry sir, I just love her.

Smooth: Chill. Sheesh! I liked the "unplugged" version of "Love Is A Battlefield", although it kind of forced her to do a very static performance just sitting there. Unfortunately, it seemed like she tried to overcompensate by exaggerating her facial expressions. Also, the very sparse accompaniment means any minor flaw in her vocal is pretty obvious. Luckily, she does pretty well pitch-wise, but there's kind of a squeaky hoarseness to her voice that started to grate on me by the end. Still one of the better performances of the night, though. And the judges acted crazy some more.

E.K.: Yeah, especially Paula. She's annoying me with her stupid-ass tangents while the singer stands there on stage waiting for some criticism. Someone needs to reign her in. Paging Nigel Lythgoe? Anyway, I thought Paula was way off the mark by saying she wanted to hear the band kick in midway through the song. I agreed with Simon a billion percent: I loved the stripped down, bare guitar-and-singer version of this song. If she'd done a dance routine or something it would have come across as the cheesiest cheese that ever cheesed. Brooke's vocal didn't comprise a competition-winning performance, but she sang well and I really enjoyed it nonetheless. And that's not just 'cause I'm in love with her or anything.

Smooth: Whatever, dude. She's married. They keep showing her husband in the crowd. Doesn't that piss you off?

E.K.: Hang on, man. If she sees this blog she might be upset with your use of "piss" there. Let's keep the vocab clean.

Smooth: Sorry. Doesn't it hack you off that she's married?

E.K.: Yes, goddammit, you son of a bitch!

Smooth: Just checking. And you know, they usually try to end these shows really strong but I don't feel like that happened either night this week. As soon as I heard the song choice by Syesha Mercado, I could predict what Simon's reaction was going to be. This wasn't a great vocal by Syesha. There were some minor pitch problems in the beginning, a few weak high notes, and a lot of yelling. It wasn't awful, but with a really good vocal this song ("Saving All My Love For You") can be a showstopper, and it wasn't. We must have been out of time because the judges all give two-word commentaries.

E.K.: Wait, who are we talking about?

Smooth: Syesha Mercado.

E.K.: Who's that?

Smooth: She's in the Top 12 now on American Idol.

E.K.: Who?

Smooth: Syesha Mercado.

E.K.: Luke Menard?

Smooth: No, Syesha Mercado.

E.K.: Rings no bells.

Smooth: Okay. Well, let's salute the Top 12 on American Idol, Season 7. Check out this lineup, dawg:

Amanda Overmyer
Brooke White
Carly Smithson
Chikezie (Eze)
David Archuleta
David Cook
David Hernandez
Jason Castro
Kristy Lee Cook
Michael Johns
Ramiele Malubay
Syesha Mercado

E.K. Will too many Cooks spoil American Idol? What about too many Davids? What about David Cook? We shall see! Tune in next week when we find out who will make the Top 11! Not so fast, Syesha!

E.K.: All right, let's bring in E.K. Nation's Senior American Idol Correspondent Smooth to discuss the good, the bad and the ugly of last night's show.

Smooth: First off, not feeling your hatred of Alexandrea last week. I liked her personality and her vocal wasn't the grease fire you made it out to be. Also, you're still way too high on David Archuleta's vocal last week. Yes, it was good, but go watch a YouTube video of Melinda Doolittle doing "My Funny Valentine" or Kelly Clarkson's "Stuff Like That There", or even Jennifer Hudson's "Circle of Life" or *gasp* Justin Guarini's "Get Here". If we're just going on sheer vocal talent I don't think David's performance last week was elite. Why you gotta be so Xtreme??

E.K.: And a big Sunflower Hello to you too! Well, hey, I love controversy! As for Alexandrea, even she thought she sucked, so how am I supposed to like it? And as for Archuleta's take on "Imagine", I still say it was one of the best vocal performances I've ever seen on A.I., and a lot of people agree with me. And as you know, might makes right, so it's me and those who agree with me against you and you alone, because you didn't cite anyone who agreed with you. I win.

Smooth: Oh, for filth's sake.

E.K.: Okay, let's start talking about Tuesday night, and the disaster that is Luke Menard. I couldn't believe he chose to do "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go", which is almost a novelty song at this point in American society's chronology. I don't even think the girl voters who think he's dreamy will lift a finger to vote for that performance. He was off pitch again and the whole thing almost seemed like he was doing it as a joke.

Smooth: He's not getting better. I'm just not a fan of his voice, it is just too thin and slightly nasal. The falsetto notes are particularly painful. This song has almost no chance of coming off as not cheesy... and that chance goes down to nil when Luke is singing it. Simon, as always, put it succinctly: It was "girly". And no, he's not going to win, or even survive the week.

E.K.: Agreed: He will not make it to the Final 12 and the New Stage! Up next was David Archuleta and his rendition of "Another Day In Paradise".

Smooth: Ah, he's tickling the keys. That's a nice touch. He's got his "smoldering" look going on which is mildly humorous since he looks thirteen. He is missing some notes early. He's trying to play with the melody again and it's not working nearly as well as last week. Not bad, but expectations were high after last week.

E.K.: I thought this was pretty awkward, without even taking last week into account. First, it's kind of weird to see someone start a song on the keyboard and walk away from it to finish the song. Maybe he wanted to say, "Hey, I can play an instrument too!" but just enough so that he wasn't distracted from singing well. And it didn't work; you're right, he missed some notes. And David, why try to "bring attention to those around the world who have nothing" when Idol Gives Back is going to do just that in a few weeks? Concentrate on singing and going for that million-dollar record deal before trying to help society or something strange like that!

Smooth: No, Danny. Oh, no, no, no.

E.K.: Hmmm...I sense a scathing review of Danny Noriega.

Smooth: No doubt. The scarf, the hip shaking, the hair, the song choice, the stomping... yikes. Luke, I apologize for agreeing with the notion that you were "girly". Okay, this is a terrible performance. It's melodramatic, like he is chewing the scenery in an off-off-off-Broadway musical. The vocal is almost as bad as the performance: breathy, and he just wasn't focusing on singing because he was too busy strutting around like an idiot. If I was watching this for free on a cruise ship I'd walk out and grab a cheeseburger with no pickles. I had hope for him, but he is getting worse each week. Possibly the most cringe-worthy performance of the semifinals thus far, right up there with Amanda last week (or any time, really).

E.K.: Agreed. The arrangement of "Tainted Love" was horrid. And I have to call bullshit yet again on Danny's choice of song. He did a song from the 50s during 60s Week, and now he's doing a song from 1964 for 80s Week. Yes, I know the reason we all know the song is that Soft Cell did it in the 80s but still, this guy is bugging me with his, dare I say, illegal song choices. But he's also bugging me with just about everything he's doing anyway. The vocals, the dancing, just horrendous from start to finish. He's like a disobedient dog tracking in misery all over the A.I. carpet. And I just don't like his attitude much. I'm surprised they even bothered to interview Danny for the "Most Embarrassing Thing That's Ever Happened To Me" segments. This guy isn't embarrassed by anything as far as I can tell. Not even his obscene "Christmas greeting" video clip that's on YouTube. Also, Paula was drunk. Can we please get someone on this show who makes sense?

Smooth: Apparently David Hernandez used to strip in Phoenix. I remember seeing him dance to Prin... I mean, NOTHING!!

E.K.: Ah, busted! I saw you there, dude! I--Err, wait, I mean, what?

Smooth: This is not a good vocal by his standards. Sort of a weird song choice, I thought. He was flat on several notes. His performance style is still mostly limited to him getting a very intense look on his face. Overall, the song is a bit boring, which does not bode well in a dangerous week for him. He is, however, showing more personality, which is a positive.

E.K.: I watched this episode late last night, or way early this morning, I suppose, and might have been a little loopy, because I didn't recognize the song and also wrote in my notes that it sounded like he was singing in ESL. Is that kosher? (Upon further review, it was apparently "It's All Coming Back To Me Now" by Meatloaf. I knew there was a reason I didn't know what it was: I didn't know what it was!) It was very nasal and I thought he could have done better, and he certainly has before. He won't get voted out but he hasn't hit that Wow song that every winner needs.

Smooth: Michael Johns seems more focused this week. The movement on stage is similar each week; it reminds me of a combination of Michael Hutchence and Michael Stipe. He is the Michael of many Michaels. Much better vocal from him this week than last. Some missed notes still, and I think he is capable of better. Good energy on stage, and he kicked it up a notch in the second half of the song. He has charisma but I do think he needs to show off the vocals a bit more.

E.K.: I liked it a lot. The vocals were a bit shaky at first but he worked it out and did that showman thing he has that others are lacking this year. It was a good song choice; everyone was going to know and like "(Don't You) Forget About Me" -- or is it "Don't You (Forget About Me)"? -- and the showman in him was going to rock it out. Now let's go to David Cook and his rendition of "Hello".

Smooth: Yikes, the first phrase was rough, but it smoothed out from there. Wacky song choice, although I surprisingly don't hate the arrangement. Pretty good vocal; he's actually been pretty consistent as far as his vocals go. He's actually not grating on me nearly as much as he usually does. In fact, if this were the first time I'd seen him I think I'd like it even more. The judges agree with me on the good arrangement.

E.K.: This was by far David Cook's best performance. When Seacrest said David was going to say "Hello" I was hoping he wouldn't try to Lionel Richie us into the ground because that would have been boring. Fortunately, he brought the guitar out and gave it a new spin and it totally worked. The arrangement was great, and I think the song totally works as a rock ballad.

Smooth: Check this out: Jason Castro was TOTALLY baked in the pre-interview.

E.K.: Pass the Cheetos. And his "Most Embarrassing Moment" was one of his dreads coming out of his head during a date! Ewwww. Ooooh. You know that mouth-watery feeling you get right before you puke?

Smooth: I'm familiar with it. And uh-oh, he's doing "Hallelujah", which Jeff Buckley did to perfection back when he was not dead, so he's got a lot to live up to. He didn't do too badly, actually, and it fit his voice. He's not Buckley by any means, but I didn't think he would pull it off, and he's proving me wrong. Totally runs out of breath on the penultimate phrase and it sounds awful, but up until then I was pleasantly surprised. Randy and Simon concur on the Buckley issue, but they also like it.

E.K.: I really liked this one. His vocals are now at the forefront, and he has a great voice. He really could be a star if only he looked like he gave a crap about being on American Idol. He's so unaffected by anything they've got going on there in Hollywood, and maybe that's a positive, but if he wants to win, he might have to at least pretend to want this. I wonder how he's going to do when they start doing the Ford commercials in the Top 12. Last but not least, we have Chikezie, whose last name is still misplaced somewhere.

Smooth: Well, he's trying to play to his strengths by staying in the R&B genre. Once again, the song was gender-reversed which is distracting. I didn't like the choppy arrangement; I hate it when they have to skip around in the song to stay within the time limit. The vocal was pretty good if not outstanding. The last line sounded a little weird. Randy noticed this as well. I think last week he really owned the song, and this was just OK.

E.K.: I thought this was pretty good, but I'm not wowed by him. I didn't remember this song from the 80s so I wasn't distracted by the gender change. I just don't know what to think of this guy. Is he good enough to win? I don't think so. This week he performed rather well, but something tells me he is in Ruben Studdard's shadow -- aren't we all, really? -- by being a somewhat-big black R&B singer. So: Who's going to get booted, Smooth? I say Luke is gone for sure, and Danny is too. I would surely vote out those two if I had any say. And actually I guess I do, since I can vote, but what am I, an Idol geek or something?

Smooth: Of course not. How could we ever take this thing seriously? Errrr...ahem. I would vote out Luke and Danny as well, but I think Luke is gone and maybe David Hernandez will be too.

E.K.: I'm not sure the "scandal" of David H. being a stripper is important enough as to cause people to not vote for him. I think Danny has proven that he just sucks. I hope nobody's got a Vote For The Worst campaign on him. Or maybe I do. It would be so fascinatingly morbid watching him try to Sanjaya his way through this field. Which, come to think of it, may be the reason he won't get the boot. Anyway, we've got the girls tonight, and I can't wait to see what Brooke does.

Smooth: Awww, E.K.'s in love.

E.K.: Shut it.

I shall now welcome back E.K. Nation's Senior American Idol Correspondent "Smooth" to discuss with me the latest American Idol happenings.

Smooth: Glad to be back.

E.K.: So we know who got voted out: Alaina, Alexandrea, Jason Y. and Robbie. First let's discuss the guys.

Smooth: Michael Johns was first, and this was definitely the worst we've seen him. He didn't even look dressed up. This was an Alibi-level karaoke performance.

E.K.: I've mentioned The Alibi before; that's a joint in North Portland that we used to occasionally hit for some drinks and maybe some bad karaoke experiences.

Smooth: Especially when you sang.

E.K. I shall punch you.

Smooth: Just kidding. The song was out of Michael's range, and it sounded awful; his voice cracked, he missed notes, the whole bit. Plus, it brought out the worst in his vibrato. Randy and Paula are on crack not calling him out for that crap. Thank God for Simon, and even he was a little too easy on him, in my eyes.

E.K.: I, on the other hand, t